£7k down in a night

Hi Bananaz,

Every word in Signalmans last post is true so please LOOK, LISTEN & LEARN. The alternative is not only to destroy your own life but your long suffering parents lives too.

Good Luck

AL

Thanks to all posters. Why oh why didn't I listen sooner. To be honest I thought I wasn't an addict, I just wanted to win back what I lost and then stop forever. What a d**n fool I was.

So an update, after several more rows with my parents, I was kind of forced to go to a GA meeting. Again, what a fool I was not to go on my own. I had the most enlightening time, I got great support and I've already been to another two (luckily I'm in a big city with lots of options). I'm ashamed I had to be forced to go but now I'll keep going very willingly.

My finances are a mess. I spoke to Stepchange and I'm going down the IVA route. After that's finished I'm  a paying my family back. My dad is taking control of my online banking, and I've got a £10 daily allowance. If I need more I need to explain why and provide receipts. It's a bit embarrassing but also completely necessary. 

My relationship is over. I need to concentrate on me. We are still going to keep in touch as friends. 

I need a new outlet, I've got back into playing tennis, I used to be pretty good. I've joined the local club (my dad paid the fee, blessed be him) and I've been going every night. When I get angry I go there. It helps. 

I've signed up to Gamstop and banned myself from the onlines.

Lastly I apologise to everyone here who's been subjected to my stupidity over the last few weeks, reading back now the advice was all there. I was too stupid, naive, whatever you want to call it to listen. I genuinely thought my problem was financial. Now I realise it was the illness.

I will get better and get my life back. One day. For the moment it's just a case of getting through to the next hour. 

Now you're talking boy... ?

Powerful message, stand proud my man... It was hard to take you seriously when you were posting all that other jazz, it's really heartwarming to read how you are finally taking yourself seriously and giving this addiction the respect it deserves.

If I may be so bold I believe your biggest test will be sticking at GA and sticking at recovery, I get the impression you're a 'quick-fix' sort of guy, please do not after 6 months or so think you're cured then stop going to meetings and get your financial controls back. 

It's an organic process, please remember this. Things will happen when they happen. Do not force any issues. 

Yes you are a recovering gambling addict, the label sucks I know, but you've come a long way from the deluded, cocksure, stubborn so-and-so that we first encountered on these sites!

Keep working this buddy... I love the fact you're getting back into the tennis, great move. Stay off a bet, work on those character defects and be the best person that you can be. No time limits, no deadlines. You have the rest of your life to work this so take your time.

All the best.

Thank you for posting such a brill and uplifting message. Try not to beat yourself up too much for what you can't change now. You addressing it now, what more can you do ?

Hi Bananaz,

Nothing to apologise for, we were all stupid, naive and even blind. That's what addiction does to us & each person you feel the need to apologise to started this journey with the same guilt, emotions & lack of understanding you've gone through. Now the fight begins, it ain't easy but it's so worthwhile as each GF day achieved passes. It might help if you phone the netline & explore additional support on offer such as counselling, for me personally it helped a lot. Bear in mind gambling is a drug & fighting the dependency on it is a life time commitment. Please keep posting & accept every tool available for a better life.

Stay Strong

AL

This makes hard reading and is a clear example of the illness and drug addiction known as a gambling addiction.

Even after all my recovery It does still get to me the pure destruction this addiction causes. Extremely dangerous and the gambling dens still have government backing.

Nobody can blame your partner for walking away and if you love her you will realise she is safer now.

You need a born again moment and you need help. You are extremely ill and that means totally delusional about it all. You can not be trusted with money as you are not in control of yourself

You havent reached serenity. The feeling you have is the bodies coping mechanism  to shut out the pain...it washes you in a numb euphoria as if nothing matters because it doesnt know how to shut out the pain any other way...people talk about this feeling if they survive a near miss catastrophe.

Its a complex confusing addiction often trigged by losing just a few pounds because deep down we want to be careful with money. It takes grown adults and has them throwing their hard earned wages away like they dont see the possibility of losing. Its actually insanity to take a lump sum and risk it for nothing.

NOTE...the gambling dens are not taking the same risk because they have a capital fund much of it made up with other punters losses.

What we read here is the pure insanity of an addict because they are not in control of their own minds. The mind controls them for dopamine and delusion.

The deal is that you havent got that money to lose. Its a tax on the poor and feeling hopeless. Its not a lifestyle for the working man and its NOT an income scheme...never was.

Its like going to work and your boss saying chances are I may very well not pay you this month...... you wouldnt work!!!!..yet punters think they have some sort of lucky clover immunity when gambling...its a crazy illness and we need more tough talking on the forum.

Please get help Bananaz because you are now Bananas with it all. Gambling will take you even lower than that if you continue....I wont spell out what it has in store for you because its even more devastating.

Your goal is a true serenity and if you get proper help/act on the advice given you will save yourself.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

There's no such thing as THE big win for gamblers.we will always want a bigger 1 and keep sending our winnings and put ourselves in to serious debt cause of it. Close down that fun account. Cancel the card if you need to. After 7 weeks gambling free I'm in a very happy place.never thought I'd last that long when I started out. But now I have healthy mind and a little healthier pocket.

Yeah the initial euphoria of thinking I had a solution has worn off a bit and reality has bitten. 

Still I haven't had access to money and haven't gambled so things are still positive. 

I've not been back to a meeting but I aim to get to another one later this week if I can. 

You have a long road ahead of you...

But what other choice do you have now other than to get walking.

The further you travel, the more you'll enjoy the ride... That's if you do this properly. It won't always be easy, but it will get easier ?

Hi Bananaz

That was a painful slow motion catastrophe to read mate. Its so familiar and upsetting. You will come through it though and I'll be willing you on. Someone you trust has to manage your finances, at least in the short term. One of my sisters did it for me which really helped. Wish you all the best mate x

Hi

I could not trust myself with money so once I handed it over to another person made it much simpler for me.

I did not respect money, I did not respect myself, hence I could not respect other people.

Escaping people life and situations was an indicator that I was emotionally vulnerable.

My unhealthy reactions in anger resentments jealousy were indicators that I was unable to heal my pains.

The recovery program was all about healing for me.

Stick at your recovery it is well worth it.

Regards Dave