Hi guys,
The first time I created a username on here was in actual fact 7 years ago and i really wish I had stopped then but of course I didn't and I in the last 7 years I have only now incredible debt to show for it, so here's my story...... It started when I was 20 and in uni and got introduced to the casino, like with everybody it started small but then incredibly I won £10k in two visits, which to a uni student to which i was at the time was crazy money! But of course this was where the addiction then spiralled and I ended up losing the whole 10k and i started taking out alot of overdrafts and credit cards etc causing me to have approx 6k debt. I actually came out to my parents about it at the time and they bailed me out by paying me the 6k i owed and of course they were incredibly disapointed in me and they even cried which made me feel so ashamed. I had already lost the sense of what money was at this time and I could never really aprecciate it ever again because I kept thinking about the 10k that i had in my hands at one point. So of course what did i do?? I ended up blowing the 6k given to me and I continued to gamble. I lied to myself, i lied to my parents. I once went to a GA meeting but being honest I didn't really think i liked it or was effective. I then even went to all the casinos and banned myself for 5 years with every one of them (as i think they do 5 years by default?)
After finishing uni, I knew i had to get a job quick so i could make repayments, so I found my first full time job working for a bank ironically. I even went to one on one councelling sessions before i started the job because I even said the counciller that this was my first time going into full time work and earning a wage and i dont wana be blowing that aswell. But of course as i started making my wage, i would blow all my wage every month as yet again i had available funds to gamble with, this time because i couldnt go to casinos, it would be bookies or online that i then got introduced to. I didnt have the counselling anymore as i felt it was a waste of time, most of the time i would just talk to them about how i felt and what i had done but there was no real solution to my problems. Anyways, I've now worked 6 years of full time work and have continued to gamble and not stop even though i keep wanting to, and i would always only stop for short periods of time. If i close an online betting account, i could always open another. Bookies are everywhere. and over the years i have continued to borrow more in loans, credit cards, overdrafts. I make the minimum payments only to withdraw again to then pay other repayments and likewise every month and have a system of doing so. What's even more stupid is the fact that I actually still live at home so i dont even pay rent or anything like that so i should be very well off but i just blow everything i have. I now find myself in 20k debt and continue live a lie each day and everything i earn, just goes to creditor repayments and then the rest i blow. It really doesn't matter how much you win, because you always plough it back in anyway. My parents ask me why havn't i saved enough money myself by now to get a house myself but of course i can no way afford to this, but i really should have been able to. If i had stopped gambling before i entered full time work, then wow i would have so much money right now. But because of my stupidity i now find myself at the age of 28 with over 20k debt. Every penny ive ever earnt has been lost. I have nothing to show for myself and there really isnt any motivation in life as my only motivation quite simply is how am i going to get more money all the time. Constant figures in my head that dont go away. I say all of this but yet if you met me for the first time you'd actually think im a genuine nice fun loving guy, but underneath is the hidden secret of guilt and shame. I am intelligent enough to know this is stupid and should stop but i dont know what it is that somehow in my brain it keeps wanting me to try win money again to reduce the debt. Like i said before i got a job working for a bank and for 5 years working for a bank, my role being to advise people on their finances and yet what a huge hypocrite i am when i cant even manage my own, now how f***ked up does that sound? I mean look I know people have their ideas of how to stop, but ultimately there's just way too many avenues out there to gamble and as a gambler you always find a way of attaining funds and a means and place to gamble. GA didn't work for me, counselling didnt work for me. I mean i'm only lucky that i make enough each month that i can actually always make my repayments on time, but what kind of life is it to just earn money to then make repayments to cerditors and thwn withdrawring these funds again to repay back other creditors? It's just an endless cycle that I'm living and unless i find a way of clearing the debt and stop gambling then i continue on this never ending path. I'm a nice guy at heart and have alot of friends who like me for who i am....only problem is I do not like myself (the real self that only i know about).
Anyways tbh i could go on and on and really sorry for the long story, but i hope I could share this here to either warn other newbies of the dangers and to NOT lend more money to pay back money or gamble. Or either just to see who out there can empathise with what im feeling or have any suggestions on what i should do with my life. I read so many stories on here, where people stop for a certain amount of time, but seems everybody relapses.
Matt
Hi Chunny and welcome. Get the blocks in place and concentrate on getting through the first few days. Your emotions will be all over the place but will settle soon if you stay away from gambling. Im 28 days GF and already feel much better. I look at my debt now as a payment made to save my life from this illness/addiction. Think about it, if you had a life threatening illness and knew it cost 20k for the treatment and you would get better would you pay it? Of course you would. It's not a cure though just a continued treatment for the ret of your life.
Welcome to the forum. You say everyone relapses that's not true I haven't 9 months and going strong and they are others around this site that haven't to. Even those that have relapsed often seem to do minor damage due the knowledge they have picked up and get back on to abstaining and maintaining. Try and be positive and not admit defeat before you have started.
The money has gone you won't get it back from gambling like you said before you won you lost it you chased it you lost. You got bailed out you still chased. We've all done it.
As hard as it is telling your parents would help you yes they will be upset and probably more tears but not as much as if you don't go to them in your time of need. I wouldn't let them bail you out again it's only going to give you the mindset that if I f***k up again it doesn't matter they will help me out.
You've said GA and counselling don't work for you. It sounds like that was a while ago, maybe you wasn't ready to stop then give them another try what you are doing now isn't working. You might find you get a different counsellor who understands more, I don't know if I t was through Gamcare but they can offer free 121 counselling which is aimed at gambling with counsellors expirenced in that area. Same with GA it will have different people now it look at other meetings. You might now they ready and go in with a slightly different mindset
Practically look at blocks SE from bookies you can now call a help line on 0800 294 2060 and do multiple bookies in on go. SE from online and use blocking software or broadband parental restrictions but these only work if someone else them up for you and sets the password up so you can't change it.
Finally keep posting on here good or bad build up a network of people who will support and advice you and readlots of other diaries to helps so much your not unique others have done what you have me included pick up ideas and tips on how to go about beating this but most of all believe in yourself that you can do this.
KTF
Was going to post but I'd just be echoing what Sam and Oldham have already said. I hope you realise you are welcome here and please keep your eyes and ears open to what could work. Tri
Hi Chunny
Ive lived a lot of that so you are not alone there. However I now realise Ive been a dreamer and an a self destruct course for most of my life.
I worked in a bank and can only say that handling large bags of cash just made me numb and immune to the value of money. At one stage after leaving the bank I had about nine credit cards in the 80s credit boom. I had completely lost the plot and it inevitably led to me being bankrupt twice in my life. Gambling was a part of that but essentially I just didnt have a clue what I was doing. I was pretending to be a yuppie on a lowish wage
Only in later life did I wake up to reality so please dont be like me.
You must tell people close to you because its a deadly addiction. Its no life you are living and you wont be able to sustain just making repayments on a long term basis. Something will give and gambling can only drag you down to new lows.
All you have is your honesty and openness. You cant live a life that stresses you up and gambling is never the answer. Its a vicious cycle and you need to break it for your own sanity
You will need financial advice and you need to take back control of your life.
You will need all the help you can get and there is no shame in admitting to a gambling addiction. You need to get the words out if you can.
Once the blocks are on and the right support is in place its very difficult to relapse. Relapses happen when doors are left wide open.
If you are self excluded and living on a sandwich allowance you wont be able to relapse. After a while you wont want to gamble again and will wonder why you ever did it
Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling. I hope you will join us
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
whoops duplicate posting sorry
Hi Chunny, You sound like a great person but maybe just one addicted to the excitement / adreneline rush of gambling. I'm not much of a gambler but the guy I am dating is very much so. It scares me because he seems to only be happy when we are heading to the casino. No matter how much we lose, he always wants to go back the next day. uuuggh... I'm glad you posted your story because it is a rude awakening to the realities of this addiction. One thing you could do....have money put away in a retirement or some type of account that you can't get to very easily...if at all. If your parents held onto a portion from each paycheck, then you can build up some reserves for later. The other thing is looking at some activity that fills that need for winning at the casino....something with an equivalent rush....I know, nothing is as good as winning at the casino but for me, it's not worth how I feel about myself after, especially when I lose. I feel like it degrades me as a person. Good luck to you and I hope for the best in your life. Thanks again for your story.
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