Advice on a Letter Please

Hi everyone

I am planning to give a letter to my other half and could really use some advice on how it would make a problem gambler feel and react...

We can’t carry on like this. Something has to change and that change can either come from me or you… or fate. Here’s how I see those options panning out…

CHANGE FROM YOU

If you decide to take the initiative then we need to have total openness and accountability.

On a practical level:

We must look at our accounts and solve any issues. Then set up a system so I can keep track of money. It would be best if you could change jobs so that you never handle cash.

On an emotional level:

Any relationship issues we have come from your gambling and my hatred of the person it turns you into. Make no mistake! You need to stop blaming me for your lapses. I am sure you think the things I do trigger the urge. This is not true. Things I do stir up emotions within you which trigger the urge. Those emotions are not my fault and have been there for years before I met you.

I still love you and I will go to counselling with you but this must come from you.

Quitting gambling:

Here’s the tough one. This has to come from you. At the moment you are still denying to me that it is an issue. I imagine you are doing the same in your own mind. It is a real problem. It IS A REAL problem.

So what to do? First off you need to limit your access to gambling by signing a self exclusion for all the Bookies we can. Also we can install a gambling blocker on your phone. We can also get your GPS locator working on your phone so that I can see where you are at any time. [Forum - would this work as a disincentive? He usually goes to a certain Bookies so I would know if he was there. Or if he changed Bookies I could see if he spent lots of time in one spot]

Clearly you should also go to GA again - but the problem is you have to go with the right mindset. I don’t think you are there yet - so we can try counselling first. You can also get support from online forums.

CHANGE FROM ME

If change comes from me then it means breaking up the family. I cannot live with you like this and I won’t any more. That break up can be permanent or just until you start your own road to change. I love you and I am stronger with you than I am without you but I need all that strength to cope with living with a selfish liar, gambler & cheat.

I have hopes, dreams and wishes for an interesting, fulfilling and happy life. I would like that life to be with you but right now you are crippling me.

LEAVING IT TO FATE

If we do nothing, carry on & leave it to fate then I will have a nervous breakdown or fall into depression. This is not a joke. I know I am close to breaking point. I can’t let this happen for the sake of the kids so if you do nothing then change will have to come from me.

If you decide to make a change then we need to make a plan together. So let me know and we’ll sit down and go through things. If not then I will have to make the change.