Hi everyone, after being in debt due to my gambling addiction for the past 12 years, I recently became debt free with the help of a debt management plan. This plan enabled me to slowly pay off my gambling debts over many years whilst at the same time, it meant that I was unable to take out any more loans or credit cards so I was only able to gamble with my wages and the odd payday loan. However, I kind of feel like the damage has already been done and that it's too late. The last 15 years of gambling addiction and being in debt has destroyed me. I'm now 33 and do not recognise myself anymore. In a way I feel completely lost and isolated. I should feel great about being debt free but I just don't. I don't even know how I feel. Gambling addiction has destroyed me in so many ways but especially my personality. I now have no confidence, no self belief, no determination, I really could go on and on. I'm also depressed, i've lost all my friends, i'm single and don't have the motivation or confidence at the moment to change this, and i'm angry at how i've ruined my last 15 years, the most important of my life. I feel like my reputation has been shattered and that there's nothing I can do to change it. People now see me as this loser with no friends and no personaility etc, but without knowing about my gambling problem being the reason. I feel completely trapped.
I would love to start my life again but I don't know where to start. I want a new career as I hate my job and i've only stayed in my job for the past 10 years to enable me to pay my gambling debts, but this isn't easy at 33. I also want a girlfriend and eventually a family but feel like I need to sort myself out first. Again though i'm not getting any younger and although i'm now debt free, I don't have any savings and I still have gambling relapses. I feel like life is just passing me by and the effects from years of gambling and debt have made a normal happy life in the future seem unlikely. Any help and advice would be appreciated.
Thanks.
Great post Ineffable. SFC I can't give you the secret of how to acheive it but I can at least be a voice that tells you, with honesty, that you can achieve it. On some level you must have some pride at having been able to clear your debts? I can only marvel at the effort that took over such a long time so it's clear to me that with the right conditions and motivations you're a formidable guy. You have to start looking closely around you at the real beauty in the world that is often hidden just below the surface. I promise you there will be activities which you've always thought were naff that on closer inspection can and will bring you some joy. Wishing you strength - P_K.
I agree with everything Ineffable said...great post. Bad experiences believe it or not are some of the best things that ever happen to us. Granted it not at the time when we are going through them...but later, much later we actually benefit hugely from going through rough shiity times. You cant see it now, probably because you are just out the other side. But you will...in time you will look back and realise how much you have learned, how understanding and empathetic you can be towards others (because you have been there and can truely understand others pain). You will realise how strong and capable you are....you got yourself out of the gambling hole and debt free. This will set you up for any crisis that may happen in furture. You will be so much better equipped to deal with any S***e that life throws at you in future. Your coping mechanisms are exceptional...you have learned this skill through the tough times. After having gone through this horrible experience, you are in a much better position than most 33 year olds...you have learned a whole host of skills than you probably dont even realsie yet. You are young...very young. You are debt free...you are free and single...free to go out and create any life you want. Its never too late to change career...you are in your prime. You cannot change the past...and you shouldnt want to....let those regrets go.The past, and the skills you have learned, the coping mechanisms etc...you are so much stronger now because of them. No harm to go and see a councellor for a chat and some guidance. What you are experiencing righ now is completely normal...the low, thats very normal. Even top athletes..marathon runners, olympic champions, they all experience the come down after the big challenge is over. Once they have won, you would expect that they would be high on life...but usually its the opposite...the crash comes after the success. You are a success story...so its normal to be experiencing a low right now. It will shift and things will look brighter again soon.
You should be really proud of your self young man! There is so much to life than gambling . I changed career at 40 . It’s never too late to try something new . Just think about all the people in the world that’s not as lucky as us . You have a job, you are young , you are debt free! Wow . Start to enjoy life . All the best
Get to GA! Seriously, if ever I heard a person crying out for the program you are it!
Finances have very little to do with being a compulsive gambler and kudos for cleaning the debt but be warned, your repayment plan was a barrier & now that that has gone you need to take away another part of your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle to ensure that you stay safe. Debt acts exponentially differently to houses (or lives for that matter) & just as they can be razed in the blink of an eye, debt can be raised just as swiftly, the rebuild/paying off takes a hell of a lot longer.
Thousands of people much older than you wish that they had come to their senses @ 33 & GA will give you the tools to overcome all of the concerns you have - ODAAT
Hi sfc7603.
I feel you have hit on the most important and deep point about why we gambled and how we feel when looking at our lives gamble free.
I had the "where is my beautiful wife" "where is my beautiful home" syndrome when I was gambling and when I was gamble free.
I focused that gambling was never the answer and life has to be what you make it. Yes you can call that a cliche but its never truer than when you are facing your life gamble free.
I believe in facing things and taking small steps. You see if we felt a certain way about our jobs and our futures gambling was not the answer to this. You should feel like you have cleared the decks and have a nice feeling of control while gamble free. However in many ways the work of making some sense of life begins
Ive been a dreamer all my life and I started to accept that I wasnt going to be mr millionaire any time soon. I started to look around me and get some sense of perspective. I got out further into the countryside for long walks.
I started to look at my relationships with people and how I had been becoming a stranger. Hower some environments are just toxic and I looked at new ways of meeting people in the right environments. I started looking at me and I have been a loner since early childhood. I sought comfort in that but maybe I now realise all the things that led me to machine gambling. Nothing ever seemed good enough for me, I was protectively introverted, i wouldnt say shy but I had a false vanity and I didnt embrace life....and thats a big one I thought I was a bit special and in some way the world owed me an easy path through it
I presented myself at the leisure centre gym and introduced myself to the trainer there. I set about a program of lifting the lite 🙂 weights and using the equipment. I feel much better for that and you do meet people even if its just casual chatting. it broadens the outlook on life
I seek deep relationships and I have been hurt in the past. Gambling was not an answer to that though..... just a dangerous and temporary escape like drugs.
Im not saying its easy and sometimes the advice of enjoying the small things in life makes us angry. Ive been there when someone says the simple pleasures in life and Ive thought you dont understand how deep this is mate. one of my favourite song lines...is "people like you find it easy"
I never found it easy and have always been a glass half empty character...I dont really blame myself for that as I never had a lot and was never offered a lot. Then again I dont know whether i was expecting it to be offered on a plate.
Its not easy but it almost boils down to a 50/50 option of giving up or not giving up. We just have to get on with it and there is someone for you and enjoyable things in life.
You should be proud for facing those debts though as there are plenty of people who are still running from it. I dont want to sound patronising or twee..we plod on but there are moments in life worth living for
Best wishes
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