I have lost count of the number of times I have tried to stop gambling, but there is a little part of me that is weaked willed and i find myself going round in circles. This time though i need to fully break free of the demon as it could cause me to lose my wonderful wife who has tried her hardest to stop me but being devious under the influence of the need to gamble I have found ways around it.
It started pretty much as soon I started going in pubs, fruit machines were my vice initially. Every group of pals has that one guy that would be standing by a fruity while the others are at the bar - that was me. Times changed and my local town then became a mecca for three new shiny casinos to be built and they subsequently became our Friday / Saturday night haunts. Losses then increased and so did the number of visits.
Speeding up the next four years, I then moved on to discovering on line roulette which provided the same buzz from the comfort of my living room. During this time my girlfriend (now wife) discovered my debt levels that have risen due to covering the losses I had obviously incurred as I went along. She hit the roof, understandable and we broke up moving out of the rented flat we were living in.
We had three months ago and then got back together and during this time I came clean to my parents who forced me to excluded myself from all the online to stop the gambling. Everything started going right again for the next 12 months, but then it then it all started up again, this time with fobt terminals in bookies.
Since then I have had breaks of a few months maximum, but can't seem to help myself. My wife has had control of my cards, but I have still managed to get access to cash.
People mention about self excluding from shops, but in a 2 - 3 mile radius of where i work in London i can quite easily count 20 - 30 shops which seems obscene.
Finally it leads me to my current situation, after discovering my past 3 months of gambling, my wife following a previous ultimatum and broken promises, kicked me out of our home we shared so I am now back in my old bedroom at my parents with a clutch of clothes i could transport back.
At almost 31 I have debts of 38k from gambling and no known assets of my own (the house is fully in my wife's name). I'm feeling sad and alone and devastated at the pain i know I have caused my wife as she has done everything for me.
I'm off to my first ga meeting on Wednesday, but I need want to use all potential sources to build up a network to help me give strength, brute honesty and guidance.
My last day gambling will be 1 May 2014.
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