Okay so after relapsing again this week I decided to see what support was available to me, my google search sends me here and I try my standard log in details for most forums and I find that I've been here before and posted 2 years ago.
ThIs is no massive suprise seeing as I've had fairly major gambling problems for the past 6 years, however I came here hating myself again for losing money and I took a read through my previous post, which helped..
During that last post 2 years ago I stressed my dispair and lack of hope for finding a way out and worry for those around me. I had unmanagable amounts of debt and I remember now the stress rash that covered my feet at the time..
Anyway I guess I give myself a hard time, like most gamblers I'm always looking for a quick fix, I mean that's what gambling offers more than anything right? The possibility that any moment you could hit it big and quit the 9-5?
Well anything that's worth acheiving takes hard work, this evening before I logged in here I was upset with myself ,again! But now not so much, I realise from reading that old post just how far I've come in those 2 years.
My main focus now is to minimise the impact my selfish actions can have on those close to me and It's working, I have a girlfirend, my relationship with my parents is alot healthier and I haven't increased my debt, infact I've repaid over 4000 of the 14000 I owed and I'm on track to be debt free in 724 days according to the countdown timer on my phone..
It's been hard work, this relapse I've gambled £300 away in 2 weeks, 2 years ago I could have done that in an hour, out of the past 24 months I think there's been 10 that I have been "gamble free" and the last 3 months has been the longest continuos spell yet!
So if there's any advice I can give it's if you do relapse online self exclude yourself from that site straight after the session, limit the damage and don't hate yourself, and also make notes of how you feel at stages in your recovery, when you look back you might suprise yourself in how far you have come..
Good luck all
Hi elliot420
We're very glad you found your way back here again and are in a better frame of mind than you were last time you came here. Sorry you had a relapse. However, you are choosing to deal with it very positively by self excluding right away and getting right back on the wagon again. Don't know if you're aware but there is more you can do to help reduce your opportunities to gamble online, for example you could look at blocking software and/or contact your internet provider to see if they can block gambling sites at their end. You can find out more at our website:
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-advice/what-can-you-do/blocking-software
You don't say if you've been receiving any further support for example counselling or Gamblers Anonymous. Both options can help you understand your gambling and develop strategies to cope with the urges when they come. We can offer more information and signpost you to either or both. Feel free to call our helpline 0808 8020 133 - we're here 8am to midnight, and on chat as well as the phone. http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/frontline-services/netline
You might also want to start a recovery diary here on the forum. Checking in regularly, not just when you've had a lapse, can help strengthen your resolve and the support you can receive from other forum members is invaluable.
Wishing you well with your recovery.
Deirdre
Forum Admin
So 3 months since I last posted, had another small relapse this month maybe £70 gambled in total, more annoyed about the fact that I had managed to start a small savings account which I've dipped into for this loss. So that's another what just over 3 months clean before a relapse? I feel as though all the progress I have made has unravelled slightly. Though again I am self excluded from every site I signed up too, this must make it around 18 sites now in total. They just keep making new ones! I have considered the software to block all gambling sites but I would visit the bookies and they barely check for self excluded customers. I need to maintain abstinent for this to work. I need to learn the all important self control that I've been working hard toward these past 6 years. I'm glad this forum is here. I don't care if anyone ever reads these posts I'm just happy to document my own progress here. I feel it's somehow important to make a log of my relapses so I don't forget how happy I am when I'm free of the cravings. Sometimes it's hard to work out how I really feel until I sit and write about it. Impulses take over to easily. 20 minutes ago I was considering emptying my meagre savings account balance into online poker. But now after stopping, self excluding and collecting my thoughts to post here, I feel mild shame, self loathing and repulsed by my actions. I guess here I go again back at day 1 and hopefully I will not need to return here again to log another; short, weak willed session of self destruction. At least here I will always find a reminder of my end goal.
Good luck on your road to recovery. I feel the same way when you speak about your struggles. I hate the way I owe £15000 and have nothing to show for it.
Posting again. I stopped gambling on the 20th of April 2016 and managed to keep this up until this month February 2017. It was great, I loved not having the stress or cravings everyday. Though for the past week I've been gambling again, I haven't put myself into a position yet where I will be too financially impacted by my decisions, though am pretty scared that I soon will do. The past 8 months have been great, I've saved so much money and repaid a large amount of the debt I had accrued, was initially at £12K in 2011, down to £6k now, all gambling debt. I've rarely spent moeny on anything else. I just needed a place to type my thoughts, this year so far has been a tough one and I feel as though I've turned to gambling to deal with my problems, though at the same time I also don't want to justify my actions using that or any excuse, again here I go. Tomorrow will again be day 1. I've definitely made progress, though this is something I've been struggling with for the past 8 years. This time I thought I'd managed to beat it. But no again it's got the better of me. I will do this again, I will return to abstaining from gambling. it's the only way, even one single bet can trigger a 'bender' I've lost maybe £1000 in one week, this will be all the money I lose during 2017.
Hi Elliot,
Just wanted to say thanks for posting and how much I like your attitude. You've done incredibly well with your extended periods of abstinance and it takes courage to admit to a relapse. Personally, whilst I think counting days (one at a time) can be very useful for the first few weeks of abstinance, I would suggest that you don't get too hung up on 'going back to day 1'.
Your recovery started years ago and it sounds like you've been doing brilliantly. You haven't failed, you've succeeded! Yes, the ideal is that we give up one day and never gamble again but very few manage this and, if we treat a relapse as failure, then we can quite easily give up and go back to our old ways.
Some may disagree but, if you can go from gambling every day to having one 'off' day every 6 months then that's a massive achievement. The only thing I would suggest is that you do get some blocking software installed, you may have the bookies as an alternative BUT that short walk may just be all you need for the craving to pass or for sense to kick in.
Keep up giving up and well done on some great periods of abstinance.
Well done one ur long periods of not gambling and good luck on 2017 adam
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