Back where I started again.

Thanks for replying, people here have been helpful before. This time it does feel different but not in a particularly good way. I just don’t want to go through it again, pathetic really it’s my mess i should sort it out. 

Working a night shift at the moment but I just want to go home and get in bed and stay there. Failed too many times, can’t see a way forward. 

Maybe in a few days I’ll feel differently who can tell. I suppose things could be worse, I have a job and payday isn’t far away.

Everything just seems hopeless and pointless at the moment. 

Dear Daz71,

Really sorry to hear of the stress you’re under and how low you’re feeling at the moment. 
Please get in touch with us on our Helpline on 0808 8020 133 or the Netline here to talk to an adviser 1-2-1 and discuss the further support and treatment options available to you.
Well done for continuing to post here.
Wishing you all the very best,
Forum Admin

I'm new to the site and this is my first post.

You are not alone in feeling like this I expect the fact any of us even being on this website are desperate for a quick solution. The quickest solution is stay away from temptation  know you cannot go near any gambling sites and accept   it. Take one day at a time, stay gamble free one day at a time  paydays come around again and again and you will be fine.

When you are feeling your lowest  the only way has to be up. 

Don’t let this beat you Daz.

Yes, it’s tough at first, but you can do it. Keep busy and keep checking here regularly. It’s a reality check and a reminder there is hope in the dark times. It gets better and you know that mate.

This is just a blip. Keep looking and moving forward. I hope your shift is going well and I look forward to you battling and beating this. I was in your shoes 140 days ago having tried and failed before. I haven’t cracked it, but I certainly feel 100% better and I’m control. Take it from me, it gets better. 

All the best mate. 

Bdog

hi,

To be honest with you guys I have the same position like Daz, sorry to hear even u Daz but u are not alone because i am in deep s**t like u! I am really struggling like u and don’t know what to do! I realised after i let my money to the betting shops and after i come out i will be depressed stressed ? and god knows! I have to pay rent bills food etc.. I don’t know what’s going on with my life! I am losing everything! Family,Friends it’s even the relationship with my girlfriend it’s not working because of me! I am so depressed ??  Working like a donkey all the days and when the pay day comes i just don’t think it twice! What can i do guys! 

Thanks 

Ermal

You should know you are a awesome person it may not feel like it but you are your a beautiful human,

unfortunately gambling has got hold of you it’s s**t it pulls you in and drags you down and and takes all of your money with it! It suck I know I feel it too. 

Just take a moment to look at the stars that’s what I do when I hit low there’s so much more than this horrible gambling addiction. 

I hope you all the best and hope you for a moment just appreciate yourself you are awesome my friend 🙂 

I’d really like to thank everyone for being supportive I really don’t feel that I deserve any sympathy as I created this mess but thanks guys. To Ermal I fully understand where you’re coming from and wish I could offer some advice but I’ve not found the answer yet after years of trying. The only thing that has really worked for me in the past is removing the means to gamble online. I’ve done the same again now....no debit or credit cards for me they’re for normal people. 

Still in a dark place but after a few hours sleep I’ve sorted out enough money to get me to payday. Getting out of this mess seems to be impossible this time I don’t really know where to start, one day at a time I suppose. 

Never been as low as I was yesterday, I just didn’t want to carry on and spent a lot of time avoiding people at work last night. Anyway what option do I have other than try again, I’ll start looking at doing any extra shifts I can and try to stay afloat. Cancelled a planned trip with friends next month, I’ll lose the deposit but can’t afford to pay for the balance now.

Thanks again for anyone that took the time to read my ramblings and reply, I’ll try to keep posting. Maybe start my diary up again if I can get through the next few weeks. Feel too low to look back at it at the moment.

Sorry to hear of your lapse Daz.

You just need to start again - I'm sure the vast majority of us have failed at our 1st, 2nd, 3rd....attempt at stopping.

Many of us will have been so depressed by that failure that it resulted in thousands of wasted money and hours of time continuing to gamble.

Start again, start ticking off the days and it will give you the resilience and head space to deal with other issues.

Maybe now is a good time to make sure you have all the self exclusions in place. Gamstop for on line and the various ones for bookies & casinos.

Getting out of any related problems whether it's financial, work or relationships only starts with stopping gambling - but that is the absolute pre requisite and minimum required.

Start up your diary again now - no better time than when you are lowest.

My last day gambling is seared into my mind, I can remember exactly how warm it was on the bank holiday monday, the excuse I'd given my wife to go gambling, my exact steps between 1pm and 3:37pm and the stench of urine mixed with disinfectant in the shop (someone had soiled themselves in the middle of the shop the previous evening). I lost £1120 in those 2 and a half hours. To be honest, I've had worse times and done worse things, but I hold on to the memory of 27th August 2018 like almost nothing else.

Hi

I did not know what to think on walking in to the recovery program.

I use to think that I was the only compulsive Gambler.

When I walked in to the recovery program I did not like hearing about religion and God, I had a very unhealthy to the mention of religion.

After being in the recovery program I did find out that recovery means healing.

Yet I was going to need to admit to myself that I was living with lots of pains not healed or resolved.

Every painful experience and trauma in my life caused fears in me that I did not understand.

For me my addiction and obsessions were a form of escape.

For me my addiction and obsessions were an indicator that I was emotionally vulnerable.

In time I would let go of all emotions and feelings towards gambling establishment and become at peace with myself.

My conscience is based up on spiritual  values, sadly when I go against my own conscience I hurt myself.

Once I exchange unhealthy habits in to healthy habits I become more motivated and more productive in every avenue of my life.

Time off can not be lost, it is lived, there for not be lost.

Each break out to our addictions becomes a lesson we can learn from if we are willing to learn what our emotional triggers are.

Please do not give up faith or hope in your self.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham

So 6 days have gone by and my head is a little clearer, survived until pay day and by the end of today I’ll have worked 84 hours this week. Hopefully that will help me start to sort things out next month. I’m shattered but the really dark thoughts I had at the start of the week have been put back in their box. 

Ive spoken to my GP and she changed my antidepressant medication and increased the anxiety meds. Hopefully when this kicks in things will get back to how they were last year.

I’ve got my blocks back in place and realised I have to start again and just keep my head straight. Just got an offer of free spins through the post from the same firm I self excluded from on Sunday. This annoyed me at 1st but has now added to my determination not to end up doing something crazy.  Reading back from the start of this week I did sound crazy and I appreciate the replies, people here have always been supportive ?. I apologise  for feeling so sorry for myself I know a lot of people are in a worse situation than me. 

Just got to suck it up and get on with things.

I’ll restart my diary shortly now I’m in a better place mentally.

Hi

After breaking out many times I understood that clean time can not be lost

With step four it is about understanding our self and learning from our past what was healthy and what was unhealthy.

Money lost represented my time lost working hard for it.

At one time I thought that people goals were to get lots of money.

That lots of money would make me happy.

One day I was at a very big exspensive home.

I asked the owner if he was happy having reached his goal of having lots of money.

He asked me if I thought his goal in life was money. I said yes.

He corrected me, his goal in life was to be successful, the result of being successful was money.

His goal in life was never money

Just by sharing with one person at a deep level I understood what success was.

My success today in my recovery is to be healthy and productive, the consequences of my my success today is pride in myself and pride in my  family.

Every action has consequences, healthy actions has healthy consequences, unhealthy actions has unhealthy consequences.

By sitting on my hands doing nothing but abstain from my addictions was me white knuckling my recovery.

Am I willing to be completely selfish in becoming healthy.

The addictions and obsessions were just symptoms that I was not a healthy person.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA

Dave of Beckenham