Can’t find any peace in terms of regret

Hi Sam, I'll be brutally honest with you. Your post to me seems like your mind is not ready to give up gambling. Thinking of the 'what ifs' will only tempt you back in. Getting out of jail is not really an option. If you had won, you would have lost it all again. I'm sure all of the gamblers on here have had a time when they thought, that's it, I've had a decent win, i can walk away happy. Guess what? We are all on here looking for help. Big wins, don't help gamblers, they make them worse.

I lost huge amounts of money and am paying it back now. Sure a big win would help me, but i have accepted that it will not help me in the long run as i would not quit gambling then. The only way to get past the lost money is to write it off completely. You never had it. Whatever debt you have now is your new ground zero and it can only get better form now on by accepting this.

Tough to accept, but its the only way to truly having a chance at beating this addiction. Don't think of bets anymore. You might have won some, you might have lost some, but ultimately you would lose them all. Focus on moving forwards. No regrets. No point. What's done is done. The only regret you should have now is allowing your mind to think about those bets.

Hope these words help in some way. Move forward with a clear head. New start.

Stay strong 👍 

@cardiffsam Hi Sam.  Well done for getting your thoughts down in your post.  I hope that it helped.

I have had to deal with massive regrets as I lost hundreds of thousands over my 20 years gambling.  The thoughts of 'what if?'  can be very hard to deal with and leaves a sick tight feeling across the chest.  Why did I not cashout when the bankroll was at £8000 when I only deposited £100 an hour before?  Why did I not just run when I staked £4 and got £4600 on a bonus round?  But all of this is missing the point.

I think that what weirdfish says is very insightful and I agree 100%.

Are you here because you recognise that you have an issue that needs proper treatment or are you here posting because your bet did not win?

If you had gambled that amount and then your bet had won and you got the money back what would be different?  Sure you would have the money but for how long?  If you won would that mean that you were some how in control and did not have as much of a problem?

The losses have gone.  There is no way of getting them back.  They are history.  But it is just money in the grand scheme of things money is not as important as we may think.  You could have a terminal disease and have to face death in the face at a young age or lose someone who you loved in a likewise manner, all you have done is lose some money, numbers at the end of the day.

You need to accept the loss and channel your feelings into preventing this from happening again.

Keep us updated and I wish you the best 

accountability is probably the easiest route out of regret , although most gamblers prefer delusion 

The moneys gone the decisions and bets leading up to that are mostly irrelevant at this stage

take responsibility get up and get to work fixing the mess

I had those exact thoughts in my early stages as i was full of regrets why didnt i take x amount, the funny thing was a friend of a friend lost won and lost £250k within 5 days of betting at that time i couldnt believe how stupied he was i believe this was one of my down falls as i believed i could do better my way of thinking as changed even if i got all my money back and twice the amount it would end up in the same way, i have accepted i have no control over gambling so my job now is to work on not placing the bet, so even after knowing this a relapse can occur, my advice is the sooner u get help the better you will get

Hi, well done for posting on here. 

Are you ready to stop gambling? If you are then you need to forget about the loses, the what ifs and the regrets. If it had gone a different way and you had got a good win, you would have put it all back in anyway, because you would have wanted to win even more. 

Get all those blocks in place and try and talk to someone, it will really help.

Claire x

Thank you all for taking the time to respond, it is appreciated.

Thanks for the advice re. seeking help also, I have already done this and am pursuing a couple of types of therapy with a view to making this the last time.

I don’t want to jinx it but I feel like I have slightly more clarity today, hoping this lasts and improves further.

In regards to the regret around the losses and not getting out of jail etc, I think one of the reasons I’ve been so devastated re. that is that my father did hold all of my money for me for a good few months. Then just over a month ago I manipulated my way into getting it back (this has of course added to the guilt, shame and regret).

Like I say, I feel I have a bit more clarity today but the reason I was obsessing so much about the bets which should’ve and very nearly did get me out of jail, was the fact that I had it firmly in my head that as soon as I broke even I was going to send everything back to my dad. This is why I’ve struggled with the answers that say you’d have lost it all anyway, as I know that in my head my plan was to once again relinquish my access to the funds.

The flip side to this, of course, is that had I broke even and sent it back, my parents and the people around me would be none the wiser about the hugely destructive relapse I’ve been in the middle of for months. I wouldn’t be seeking help to the same extent, and I probably wouldn’t have had that moment which has given me the absolute clarity and defining point at which I know I have to use all of my might to make this the last time I do this to myself.

Im trying to think to myself that if this loss of 14k saves me from a lifetime of misery, lost time, and what would be far greater financial losses at that point, then I have to try and see it as a blessing.

Thanks again all

Obsession is a core part of the addiction 

It's what draws you in and keeps you there

obsessing over this outcome or this amount of money or why everything in life is so unfair 

Keeps you going around In mental circles until eventually you just end up back gambling as its the most logical thing your brain can do to calm the obsessive and compulsive thoughts

like I said previously own the mess you have created for yourself , put your big boy pants on and get to work fixing the actual mess not wasting time theorising about past events 

Well done mate. Your flip side response is the exact thing you want to focus on. This has forced you to get help. I had to hit complete rock bottom for me to get help and like you I had a moment of clarity. If you had won, the funds would be there to enable you to be tempted back again. You did it once, there’s a good chance you would have done it again. You’ve now got the opportunity to change your mindset, and that’s what you have to do. The only way to beat this is to change how you think. No regrets, no thoughts of how close you were to winning. These thoughts are the ones that will draw you back. 

Better to have lost 14k now and got the help you need, than have won it back and lost several thousand more over the coming months. Now you need to change everything about you. If you had set times you gambled plan something else to do at that time. If you gambled when you felt low, find a family member you can speak to, of contact the team on here. It really is a tough road ahead but with a strong mindset you can do this. 

Money will always be the Achilles heel for gamblers. If it’s there, the temptation is there. Start to develop a new respect for it. You gamble to lead a life where you have money and ironically if you didn’t gamble you would have it. It doesn’t take long for you to start having by money again, trust me. I started this process 3 months ago with 50k debt thinking there was no way back, but for the last 2 months I’ve had money in my bank everyday and it’s a great feeling. It will take us both a long time to achieve the status where we are comfortable having money, but it’s what we really want so the hard work will be worth it.

Hope you find the help you need therapy wise. 

Stay strong 💪 

Evening @cardiffsam

What a post , poured your heart out. Hope that empowering. There  has been such great advice to you by the above community who really can resonate with you. I come from a place as a mother of a boy of 18 that gambles for 9 years and is now 17 months gamble free.

He had to get to a place of no hope after being gripped by obsessive gambling which took over his life and mine in a way. I am sure your family and friends really want you to be in a place where change is your choice and nobody elses. It always had to be my son that pressed to stop button probably 30K into addiction. Gordon moody helped him, a fab residential unit. 

Amounts of money are irrelevant in many ways as the harm is the same across the board. But a new life where there are no lies, love for yourself, rid of guilt and the chance to build a future and repair relationships and allow new ones.

Poor mental health and accessing therapy is one of the powerful tools amongst others is key.

There is hope where there is help. Gamcare community can help, so stay on board for support.

Very best wishes 

Patsy

Online peer supporter