So its been two whole days since i had a bet which has felt fine but i cannot forget and forgive myself for what i had done last week.
I went 5 months without betting online and then i fancied a little deposit of £20, of course that £20 then turned into me depositing another £20 then £40 all the way up to £200.
Think it was Sunday just gone when i was back on here for first time since my last relapse saying how i was £600 down, i wish i had stopped then but just couldnt.
It ended up with me finally saying enough was enough on Tuesday evening having reached £1,200 down, its almost a months wage to me and i just dont know why it happens.
Last year September was the first time i had lost £1,000 and that was over a 4 week period, this time its over 4 days. I go 5 months hardly betting and then all of a sudden i cannot stop chasing and i am £1,200 down.
Since i last had a bet on Tuesday evening, i have bought betfilter which i hope will be a massive help, i only bet on my iphone and having this app on here will block me everytime i even think about going on a gambling site.
I also told my girlfriend, she was understandably upset but has given me £1,200 to put back in my savings and i am going to pay her back £200 a month the next 6 months. She has told me i cannot keep doing this and i know i cant. I save for 5 months and then blow it all in a week that seems to be my pattern.
I have also completed a form to have one to one counselling with gamcare just to try and understand why i have these relapses every now and then.
Just wondering how you all get over a big loss? Im not going to try win it back but its just the thought of me having set myself back 4 months as i put £300 a month away into savings which i cant stop thinking about.
Just a quick question, why did you need to borrow £1,200 from your girlfriend just to put it into your savings? Surely you could have just put £200 a month of your own money into your savings for 6 months?
In my opinion it's necessary to feel the consequences of our gambling especially right now as it could act as a deterrent in the future. It would maybe make sense if you borrowed the money to pay off debts to avoid unnecessary interest payments although it's still effectively being bailed out.
I was just saying to my partner how losing £1,200 in a week felt like a big blow, her covering it and me paying it back over 6 months dont seem so bad. Either way i know its a chunk of my savings i have blown but paying it off monthly makes me feel slightly better about it then losing it all in one go.
I lost around £900 in 3 days last week. l lost about £550 weds, won some back Thursday and lost £450 Friday. All on footy inplay. It was the final straw for me. I felt physically sick and am still anxious because of it.
I guess i can always remember this feeling whenever I am tempted again. I have self exluded from my main online accounts and am almost a week off gambling and have no desire to return. Drinking alone aint as fun, but its a small sacrifice.
Park it and move on brother. 1200 is a lot, but some stories on here are horrific.
Good luck
So you had no real need to borrow the money off her. The only reason you did was to make yourself feel better which in the long run doesn't help anyone. Point I'm making is you aren't dealing with the full consequences of your actions, by having £1,200 in your savings you can look at it and think hey this is not so bad I still have the same amount in my savings even after going on a binge. I think it's necessary to feel the pain of our actions in order to not make it so easy to forget the next time we feel the urge to gamble. I would advise giving your girlfriend the money back and just saving the money back up yourself. It will be better for you in the long run.
Have you looked at getting help with your addiction? I think you have mentioned about counselling, I would also recommend GA.
I agree with Sam regarding the money your girlfriend has leant you. You need to feel the consequences of the gambling no matter how painful. Also what happens if you have another relapse and lose the money your girlfriend has leant you? There are some good comments on a thread that I did regarding mentally getting over huge gambling losses which might help. You have to let the losses go and with time they wont seem as bad as they do right now. With the blocks and counselling organised I hope you progress with your addiction. All the best.
Thinking about it yes, i will give back my girlfriend the £1,200 and just start saving again myself without having to owe her each month, it makes no difference either way ive lost £1,200.
Betfilter app has helped me these last 2 days i dont even think about gambling because of it hopefully its the best £50 i have spent, will be well worth it if it works for an entire year, i will just keep buying it every year to avoid any more relapses.
Thanks for sharing your story. was an eye opener for me.
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