Hi. My names Dan and I have a compulsive gambling habit that is ruining my life.
My issue isn't that I spend extortionate amounts of money because I don't generally have large amounts to spend. I gamble frequently, usually at least once a day. I have long periods where I can control my gambling and bet within my means but it always ends in me gambling more than I want to.
I started gambling aged 8 (!) at arcades on holiday camps with my cousins. I always came from the poor side of the family so while my cousins would lose 20 and it didn't matter I would lose a large percentage of my holiday money by losing the same amount. I really wish looking back that I had taken heed of this fact at the time but as most gamblers will tell you, gambling gets into your brain.
From there it progressed to sports betting, racing and poker from sixteen years old. I would rarely lose more than wanted to on football or horses but the moment I put as much as a pound into a machine I was at risk of losing it all.
My addiction was at its worst five years ago - id spend every penny of my wages in the bookies on the roulette machines or fruit machines. I ignored debts and rent payments but was ignorant to the fact that it was gambling that caused this. It was my escapism and my only hobby. Things came to a head and I self-excluded from every bookies in town.
Things got better during this time - I'd still gamble occasionally but not to the same levels. But when my self-exclusion was up I went back to the same destructive cycle of playing machines til I was penniless.
Around this time I met my current girlfriend who like me worked in the gambling industry. Although we both were surrounded by people who lost ridiculous amounts of money I still didn't equate their issues to my own - feeling that I wasn't losing as much as I had done previously so everything was okay.
During our two year relationship I've let her down several times by gambling excessively. I've borrowed money after gambling too much, spent my own money ive worked hard for and despite her numerous threats to leave it's never truly sunk in how bad things are. She's an absolute angel - she's made our house a home, given me love and support in everything I do and still I repay her by spending large portions of my spare money and free time in bookies gambling away. Even when I win I am at risk of losing. About six months ago I had a 1000/1 bet come in at 20p stakes (as I mentioned earlier my horse racing bets are at sensible stakes) winning over 200. That night I transferred 10 after 10 into my online account and blew everything I'd won on online slots.
I stopped playing machines after that for about four months but continued to bet on sports and horses. Again I would lose small manageable amounts - occasionally winning but never really gambling more than I intended to. Then last week for some reason I played online slots again. I'd let the monkey out of the cage so to speak and was headed for the inevitable fall. I spent 50 online and in a panic she would see the transaction on the bank statement went into town to recover my losses only succeeding in losing more.
She found out - I was so wracked with guilt I couldn't tell her - and now she wants to leave with my unborn child. I can't blame her because I've let her down again. I'm positive for the future because I realise now that gambling has only brought me grief. I hope that things aren't past the point of no repair in my relationship. I can't bear to see the look of disappointment in her eyes again.
I've closed all my online accounts and plan to self-exclude again and abstain from gambling. I worry I can't control my impulses and I'll end up here again. Is there anything I can do to help control these - I don't want to lose everything I have and lose the only woman I've ever loved. There are no Gambler's Anonymous meetings within 75 miles and I don't drive.
Hi Dan
Welcome to the forum and well done for posting. You will find a lot of support here and a community of people who understand your struggle with gambling please keep reading and posting on the forum.
You have already taken steps to restrict your access to online gambling sites which is a big step forward. Some of our forum users have described additional ways they try to limit their freedom to gamble online, by arranging their finances in ways that slow down how quickly they can access their money, or limiting their ability to spend money online. You might read forum posts here where members talk about changing their bank account to remove the facility to spend online, instead using a basic cash card that allows you to withdraw cash on the high street.
I would encourage you to call our helpline and talk things through with a GamCare adviser on 0808 8020 133 or on our netline. The advisers can provide emotional support and helpful information as well as facilitate a referral to free one to one counselling appointments if you’d like to access that service.
Best wishes
Rachel.
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