I will explain a bit of background to the story. Any advice would be helpful. If anyone knows of any other websites that could be useful to help me solve this situation please let me know of them.
Parent divorce situation.
So my mother cheated on my dad when I was 14. This put me in a position that meant I took over her role in the house. Looking after my younger brother, sister and my dad as he struggled for years. She came round to see me about a week after they split up and because I had heard what she had done I said I didn't want to see her. Since that day she has sent a card on my 18th birthday, nothing special wrote inside it and she called once on Christmas but just breathed down the phone. Her and my dad equally have my sister at their homes as she was too young to make a decision. My younger brother saw her for a while then stopped and over the last few years I think he has seen her a couple of times but they are not close. I am 25 now so have not had contact for over 10 years.
Since the moment they broke up i went from being a well behaved, clever, wanting to do well child into a different person. Drink, drugs, gambling. Just an addictive, self destructive personality. I've never been able to hold serious relationships or friendships due to all my issues.
I have had issues with the drink and drugs and I have sorted all that out but the gambling went to a different level. I have been taking control of the gambling recently. I am now at 41 days without gambling. I am finally taking control of my life but even though I feel in control right now, I'm still scared that I might mess up again in the future. Nothing in me wants to gamble again but I've said this before and somehow done it again.
So I was talking to a doctor recently as I've just injured my hip and we discussed everything that I have been through. She thinks that I should face my demons and talk to my mother after all these years. Maybe this will clear the air and stop me living this life of mistakes, regret and misery . But on the other hand I know this would hurt my dad and I don't want that. The reason I haven't got into contact with her is that I don't think she deserves to hear from me. She lost that right when she left. I want to live my life without her because I don't want to ever need her. But obviously so far this isn't happening.
I just don't know if it is a risk worth taking. It could make my life worse or it could solve everything.
Any advice on my situation would be very helpful. Thank you.
It sounds like you need the resolution. Do it for yourself.
Stay vigilent, 41 is excellent but a slip can happen anytime.
Sounds like you need to talk things through with a therapist with experience in childhood trauma before making a decision either way.
Hi Archiemay, a big welcome to the forum 🙂
I don’t think any one specific thing causes us to gamble but I think that sort of trauma makes us ripe for addiction 🙁
You don’t say how you’ve managed to get to grips with the drink & drugs but massive respect that you have been able to!
I happen to kind of agree with your GP and I say kind of because it sounds very simple to kiss & make up (like just say no to drink/drugs/gambling etc) but the realities aren’t black & white. I’m 4 years into my recovery, 2 years “working” (I use that term loosely because I’m lazy & I’m more dipping in and out of it that working it) a 12 Step program & I’m still trying to come to terms with how to love my mother & she did nothing worse than succumb to addiction (CG) herself.
I know you asked for advice & websites so not sure whether you would be willing to give a 12 Step group such as GA, AA, NA a go but I really couldn’t recommend these highly enough. These fellowships offer a lifetime program of change rather than a short chat with a GP & this explains the importance of making amends for our own sanity but this generally isn’t rocking up on a doorstep & hugging it out. A sponsor would support you throughout this process & you would have group support from people who have walked in your shoes. If this really isn’t for you, I would suggest you get some counselling (GamCare provide this free of charge) to try & make sense of all the pain her abandoning you has caused.
That well behaved little girl is still in there & you have proved how strong you are by getting through & recognising that you may need help to do more. Addiction numbs us from pain & you are right to be looking for help as you fight this.
I look forward to hearing more about your journey - ODAAT
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