Facing a criminal record all because of gambling

Hi Lisa

Given this can be a progressive illness, many have done a lot of different things to gamble. I've crossed many barriers i said i'd never cross to gamble and some i got caught for, others not so far.

The being said I know of many who have been in your situation and they have managed to turn their lives around with a lot of support and working on their recovery.

I would suggest you get as much advice as you can as to what could happen next. Maybe start with the Citizens advice bureau or give Gamcare a ring who i'm sure can point you in the right direction.

Maybe you could also get some counselling whilst you are at it and consider some extra help like Gamblers Anonymous?

Tri

Hi Tri

Thank you for your reply and I will go to the Citizens Advice Bureau on Monday. I have counselling in place and will try to get to a GA meeting if there is one nearby.

It is good to know people have come out of the other side because it seems a really dark lonely and despairing place at the minute,

Lisa

Hi Lisa,

I'm sorry you are in this place. It could be the best thing that has ever happened to you though, if you start making different choices.

Did you confess or were you caught?

You sound remorseful, because you've been caught?

I hope you can use this chance to accept the consequences of your actions, welcome those consequences, whatever they are and accept that you lost.

Gambling has beaten you. It beat me, well and truly smashed me up.

After over twenty years of gambling, only now have started to fight back. I'm winning now, finally, I have won every time for the last 429 days, since my last gamble.

I am still facing consequences, repurcusions and it is really hard at times, really really hard but there is also light.

I am choosing life now, every day, I choose to not gamble, one day at a time.

It's not easy being where you are and it sounds like there will be more pain ahead and I wish you well for all that entails but above all, I hope you can find the strength to see this as a good thing. It's here, it's happening and the deep dark secret is out. keep it out, keep talking, look and find help and choose to make different, better choices now. You have it in you.

Stay strong

Hi Lisa, sorry to hear your in this situation,

It does as stated by a previous post sound like you are full of remorse for your actions.

People do deserve 2nd chances and this could indeed be a blessing in disguise. At the moment you are worried sick about the possible consequenses that lie in wait. If this is your first offence this might count in your favour. Check for any GA meetings in your area and start attending if possible, this will act in your favour and show that you are trying to do something about your Gambling habit. As suggested by "triangle" GAMCARE and CAB could also be a way forward. If you are seen to be "doing something positive" this will be a good thing and count in your favour, its far better than sitting, doing nothing and hoping for leniency. If you have good friends that could vouch for your character this could also be a plus for you. Maybe promise your former employers you have every intention of returning the money when you are in a more viable financial situation. This could be the light at the end of the tunnel even though at the moment im sure it feels far from that.

Good luck and best wishes

Chris x

Hi Compulsive Gambler & Chris

I just wanted to thank you both for your great advice and support.

I confessed to the theft as it was going to come to light plus I just couldnt live with myself as the majority of the money was in these last two months were I completely lost my head and you keep thinking your going to win it back and more besides as I have done in the past but this time I just lost every penny. Although im absolutely rock bottom i do feel a kind of relief as people I love are finding out about my deep dark secret for the first time and plus I cannot do it anymore the temptation will never be there.

Wow 429 days gamble free that is amazing well done and an inspiration to someone like me just starting the recovery process.

Thanks again, Lisa xx

Hi again Lisa,

Relief is a good word you use, like a cloud has been lifted. I am going through a "situation" with my Son.

The lies, deception and leading a double life had become a norm for him. I believed everything he said until i found the evidence to the contrary. It was heartbreaking to unravel all that he had been doing. The money lost is nothing compared to the lies, time wasted and the torment he was going through. He thought i would abandon him once the truth finally came pouring out ( i think theres still more to come). The relief though was instant on his behalf. I think he was crying out for help inside but was ashamed to admit the problems he was enduring. He wants me to be proud of him and of course i am. He may never become a Brain surgeon or a Rocket scientist but if he is a happy young man and leads a long fullfilled life then that as a parent is what i yearn for most.

Keep strong Lisa, ONE DAY AT A TIME

Good luck and best wishes

Chris (again!!)x

plus I cannot do it anymore the temptation will never be there.

What do you mean by this?

I have thoughts, triggers and probably most importantly opportunity to gamble now. 430 (now) days gamble free is a start, one I am proud of but I am very aware I gambled for over 10,000 days, so I am still someway behind break even. I have no idea what else will happen in my life but I suppose I think of gambling a bit like a fire - You need Heat (trigger points), Fuel (Money/Credit) and Oxygen to make a fire. Life throws me plenty of 'triggers', almost daily and I now have access to Money/Credit, I have to be aware of this and make sure I don't breath on the fire. I've been fire fighting for most of my adult life and I now realise I can't do it, I can't control the fire, once going I cant resist adding more fuel, whatever it costs. I lose control and then get burnt, not only do I get burnt, but so do those around me, some directly, some indirectly.

I have to understand this, I have to acknowledge this and I have to get help. Not because I've been caught or because because I've confessed. Not for my wife, not for my mum or even for my children. For me.

I have had to choose not gambling for me. I hope as I work on my recovery that I become a better, nicer person. I hope there is a knock on effect to my loved ones. I hope they remain in my life but I can't actually control that, they all have a choice of their own, the children maybe not for a few years but they will do. I can make better choices now, whatever my excuses, whatever I have chosen to do in the past. I can control me, I continue to ask for help but know that help only takes me so far, it's down to me.

Today I will choose to not gamble, whatever happens today, I will not gamble.

Lisa - I don't want to kick you when you are down but the sentence at the top jumped off the page at me. This might be your rock bottom - might be. If you start making better choices. Reach out get the help - no waiting, no excuses, phone gamcare, get your treatment underway, get the support, get help. Whatever consequences there are to face will be there anyway. You'll be much stronger if you know you are starting to face into it.

I echo the relief, I've had many an occassion where my gambling has come to light and yes the relief is immense but it is short lived and nothing compared to the day when you turn and face your addiction head on.

I wish you all the best and sorry for such a long post, I hope it makes sense and I hope you join me today in choosing to not gamble

Hi Chris

What a fantastic supporttive parent you are and I hope your Son stays strong and gamble free and finds the strength to tell you everything as I know how hard, embarrassing, shameful and anxious it feels to do this and i really thought it would be better to close my eyes and never wake up rather than my family being so distaught and dissapointed in me but your right I have to fight this and take one day at a time.

Take care Chris I wish your Son all the very best.

Lisa xx

Hi CG

Yes, your post made alot of sense and the temptation sentence was about taking the money which is not mine as somedays thousands of pounds would be in the safe at work (estate agents) and i had exhausted all my cards, loans and borrowing from family and friends and this is when I turned to stealing (although i fully beleived this money would have been returned before anyone would notice but that wasnt the case).

I have spoken to gamcare and had an online counselling session and she has joined me to a group counselling session which is next week, my GP is sending me for CBT cognitive behaviour therapy but they couldnt fit me in for an assessment til July and i have found a GA meeting I can go to on a Friday evening if I have any money to get there two bus journies away. I havent online gambled for quite sometime as i installed K9 on my computer and gamstop on my phone and ive have been housebound so I do not go into any bookies or amusements which are everywhere in this City.

Through gambling I have ruined my life and my reputation and if I go to Court this will all be in the local papers and I am going to embarrass and humiliate myself but more importantly my family who do not deserve this at all.

I am 18 days gamble free and after today I will be 19 days and with the help, support and advice of you guys who have been there and done it I fully intend to live a gamble free life from now on and at the moment I am taking an hour at a time.

I choose not to gamble and I feel like a baby who has to start life all over again.

Lisa, congrats on reaching day 19, without which you cant reach day 20

This is so hard, it effects so many areas of our lives but life without gamblign is so much better - I brought a t-shirt the other day - can't remember the last impulse buy I made for me - probably years ago - it wasnt expensive and not even that nice a t-shirt but it felt so good mentally!

Is there anyway your former employers would accept a long term repayment plan from you? If genuine, they may just agree to avoid the court issue.

If someone from my work stole alcohol, they'd be sacked/ charged and prosecution would be pursued

however if an 'alcoholic' stole they would first be offered help, support and rehabilitation

it's a bit crazy, maybe a bit unfair but it has got to be worth exploring all options

For what is worth, sorry if you've already explored all this - but (ignore my own addiction for a minute) I'd be far more open to listening if someone was able to articulate all you did in your last post and then asked about a payment plan - demonstrate the fantastic, positive steps you have and are taking - it's not about what you are going to do, its what you have done and what you are doing that counts

best wishes

Hi CG

Thank you for your lovely positive post and im smiling at your crappy t-shirt purchase and look forward to the day I can do the same (think it will be along time before I can spoil myself again with all this debt).

I have tried to talk to work colleagues and the directors but no-one will speak or return my call, one of my colleagues said because the matter has gone to the police they have been told to have no contact with myself, my mum and dad offered to pay £350 on a credit card bless them as they arnt financially well off but they did not accept this and im finding it really difficult to deal with as they have known me for four years and ive always worked extremely hard for them and brought in good business but this is probably also the reason they are so angry i have betrayed their trust.

I am finding it hard to live with myself and what i have done and barely leave the house due to the anxiety of bumping into someone who knows, i am thoroughly ashamed of myself.

I received some benefit today I have never had to claim for benefits before I dont know how people live in them its impossible.

On a positive note i am 22 days gamble free and walked past B*****d, w**********l, quick silver and cashino today with money in my pocket so felt quite proud 🙂

Take care

Lisa xx

well done for walking past Lisa! - It's hard and triggers are everywhere so well done on avoiding those

Do you have a case reference with the Police? Could you call them and say you'd like to make some repayments towards the debt? - pretty sure it could go in your favour in court? also can you (I know this is hard) do anything to try and raise funds, other work, save some of your benefits, sell whatever you can on ebay/gumtree/local sites - literally, anyhting with a value - then put all that money towards repayments/ save it (with your M&D) so if you do end up in court you can show you have made every effort and some - again all this would be positive action on your part, keep you busy and importantly demonstrate that your remorse is genuine and you are making an effort to repay the money?

Hi LisaT - how are you doing?

hope you are doing ok!