FAO: JamesP

Hi RB, no apology necessary or offence taken my friend, but I sincerely appreciate the fact that you have taken the time to do so, thank you.

As I said in my last post, the time to worry is when people stop responding, or stop listening. I remember telling those I loved, over and over again that I was going to stop - their eyes were always the same; they wanted to believe me, they wanted to have hope that I was going to make serious progress, but they didn't really believe me - I could see it, I could feel it, and that hurt me a great deal.

This was my incentive for being direct my friend - I wanted to say that I do care, I wanted to say that I do believe in you, but the only way you are going to get through to people is by proving it.

People ask me what the best thing is about stopping and I always have the same answer - seeing love, trust and hope return to the eyes of those you care about most. I don't want people to stop believing in you my friend.

JamesP

JamesP YOUR A LEGEND!

I second the previous post and would like to thank JamesP for his post to me when I first came here back in 2012. You provide an important role here, as well as others, but I know of no other person on here who commits himself to helping others like you. You kindness and wisdom are a blessing to us all. I wish you well, JamesP. You do good here and I'm one of many that wish to thank you.

Hi James

Glad that you weren't offended by my silly comments. You know an old friend of mine used to say to me "there are none so blind as those that won't see" and that has been me, the person the won't/cannot see things clearly. I really do relate to what you are saying about the disappointment and distrust of loved ones. I've gotten to the stage where I'm sick of hearing myself saying it so i'm just going to take it one day at a time. No promises or declarations of stopping forever, but carrying on working hard and doing the right things day by day. Every day I go and buy my lunch from a tesco near to my workplace, it quite oddly backs on to a casino, you could literally step over the fence and walk into the carpark of the casino. When i first made the decision to give up i didn't know how i was to go there every day and see that casino and it only just occured to me the other day that the background had not even registered in my mind;'s eye for weeks and weeks. I felt quite good about that. I don't know how well i'm going to do or if this is the moment for me but the signs are encouraging at the moment and i'm feeling good about abstaining. Thanks again JamesP, you're a true gent.

hi Rockbottom, i have no idea what has gone on before. i find that i visit the forum less and less these days, but there was something in what you said in your post which drew me to responding to you, and sharing with you my thoughts

its around insight and reflection, and how that affects personal growth. it seems to me in your quoting of your friends adage that issues which werent clear for you are now beginning to dawn on you.

to be able to reflect on our behaviour and sometimes even beginning to look at the motives underlying those behaviours is a positive step in personal growth. Sometimes it just takes a 'lightbulb moment' for those things to gain further clarity.

i hear a genuine remorse in your posts to james, and i hope you can stand back from the events that caused the misunderstanding and realise that in recognising that there was a misunderstanding and your part in it has actually caused you to take massive steps forward in owning your own behaviour.

i truely believe that in the gambling mindset there is a reluctance to accept personal responsibility for ones actions, and only when an individual can take that responsibility can personal growth, no matter how small, be achieved

so, am thinking i want to say that in taking this step, i hope you can realise your achievement, and be proud of it

love

rusty

xx

Rusty said:

"i truely believe that in the gambling mindset there is a reluctance to accept personal responsibility for ones actions, and only when an individual can take that responsibility can personal growth, no matter how small, be achieved"

Just to chime in to say I really could not agree more - I have never really looked at it that way, and I think it hits the nail on the head.

Im pretty confident that JamesP has probably saved lives with his posting, a true hero in this fight.

The_Rock, you can but take this one day @ a time otherwise, we are trying to run before we can walk & fall flat on our faces! My Mother has sworn black is blue to us that 'it's over this time!' Yet aside from a GA meeting way back when 'that she took a friend to' she has only ever done what I have insisted be done for this particular bail out! I know in that particular moment she means it with all her heart (I have promised myself this exact same thing but failed everytime the withdrawal counter was reset) but she has never wanted to give up enough to do what you are doing! I have tried to bring her on my recovery journey, get her on here but she just poo poo's me because 'I can stop if I want to'.

I would have said you need to self exclude from that place you see everyday but you have proved that you are strong enough to face it another way & I applaud you! It catches me by surprise when I find myself in places that I went to continue gambling once I started my self exclusion & don't even realise immediately it was a gambling place! I'd probably go as far as saying it's a feeling of pride! You have been here long enough to know this is a fight we can win by doing what you are doing! Being strong - ODAAT