I did it again
After a few months of not gambling much and keeping control of my finances, I have fallen off a cliff edge and can't stop
The worst thing I do is anytime I have any balance in my account I deposit it all the same day guaranteed unless I withdraw it and keep it as cash. I don't actually trust myself having any money in my account
I feel disgusted with myself and genuinely I am at the point of just accepting I'll be gambling every penny for the rest of my life
If I block myself new sites just appear, and excuses go on and on
Just don't know where to turn
Hi Jack - seems like you want to stop, but (on your own) the cycle has become too hard to break. The only thing to do is go 'cold turkey' and pass your finances over to someone you trust. Tell them to only give you cash for essentials. This way around at worse it limits your exposure to lose money.
Have you considered seeing your GP about counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy?
It might help you to regain control and find ways to deal with the wanting/feeling the need to gamble.
Detrimental's suggestion of handing over control of finances to someone else is a very good idea also.
If you are determined to stop then you need to put up as many blocks as you can. Take away access to monies, then you can't gamble it. I had to do that a while ago.
I know what you mean about more sites. I saw an advert for yet another new one just yesterday and contacted them to self exclude myself before I have chance to be tempted to open an account! We've got to stay focused in our recovery. Be on the alert for 'danger' and things that may lead us to gamble and give them a swift kick!
CG's will always be able to find excuses and means to gamble if they want. We need to get to a place where the need to stop is stronger than the need to gamble, and stay strong.
Keep trying. I've had many relapses over the years. But it does get easier. Or perhaps it's just that we adjust more to a life without bets and it seems easier. It takes time. For years I couldn't imagine life without gambling. Didn't want to. Was even scared to imagine it. I wasn't ready to admit the extent of my problem and do something about it then. Now I am. It took me a long time and a lot of heartache before I was ready to accept I had to give up gambling completely.
Do whatever you can. Put up your defenses, keep coming here for help and support, find a GA meeting if it helps, use friends and family who are willing to support you if you can, and ask for help from your GP. They'll be able to advise you on where to find further help.
Wishing you all the best,
Pinky x
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