38 days since I last gambled.
Today was hard. I had a tough weekend emotionally, felt very distant from my partner and numb to life really. Could barely get out of bed this morning. I barely have enough money for fuel to get to work this week after  someone didn't pay their bill to me for some self employed work so I am without about £300 until next weekend- money I was relying on. I think this is my trigger today.Â
I wanted so badly to gamble today. I didn't. But I felt like stopping my car at a bookies and going in to play a slot machine. Something I didn't do before- I was an online gambler only but I've put every block in place. Even though I had £10 in my purse and could have 'got away' with it- I didn't. So that's good.Â
I also had a nightmare last week that I had relapsed and spent £1000s again. It was horrible, I woke up thinking I had destroyed everything, again. Sick ness in the pit of my stomach. Was awful. I hope that there's not many more of them- horrible! But maybe a good reminder of that unbearable sinking feeling...
Hoping everyone is staying strong on their mission to stop gambling! The support of coming on here to post is really fantastic.Â
Unexpected bills are often triggers.
Ive had a few myself in last few months, but I remind myself that whilst gambling has got me out of tight spots in the past, it’s also sunk me further far more regularly. Hang on to your tenner!!
Well done for not breaking. Recognising triggers and talking about them is really positive. You’re doing great.
Of course you wanted to gamble , that’s another trigger or always was for me being short of money ? Even though I had little I was still prepared to gamble in the hope of making more and if I did.... well you know how that story ends . You did well to resist the urge and that will make you even more stronger when the next one strikes . The dreams do stop trust me and in time will be replaced by a good nights sleep where your last thoughts nor your first waking ones will be about gambling but it does take time .  38 days is a huge start , keep pushing forward and remember why your here ? .     Best wishes for now ?
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Barely enough money for fuel is actually enough. Can you conserve a little along the way if that would help you feel less stressed? Bear in mind as the money situation sorts out you will eventually be able to have an emergency fund but that won't happen if you gamble.
Cash can be a temptation. Do you really need to carry even £10? It was enough for Mr L to keep the fire of addiction burning which in turn led to another bout of destruction. He now doesn't even carry small change routinely and channels all his spending through the joint account which I monitor very regularly. If you really need to have it can you show your partner receipts for what you've spent? Keeping yourself accountable is a valuable block.
spend the tenner on petrol is the good plan
Absolutely Adam. And, I did!Â
Hi Foxcub,Â
All the best with your recovery.Â
With regards to the nightmares about still gambling. These plagued me at first but did reduce with time, eventually they became a bit of a double edged sword. The sickening feeling when waking was soon replaced with a satisfaction that it hadn’t actually happened and it strengthened my resolve further.Â
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