Hi everyone,
First post after the website finally let me sign up! 25 year old, gambled heavily since age 18.
Shortly after my 18th birthday the brother of my then girlfriend introduced me to the magical world of the bookies and roulette. Little did I know that would be the worst mistake and biggest regret of my life.
Like everyone it starts out innnocent, small stakes, win £50-£100, collect and go out etc and feel on top of the world. Very very quickly my expectations went up and wanted to win more. Therefore losing more in the process.
At 18 I always worked 2 jobs, sometimes 3 if the opportunities were there so I was always able to get my hands on cash. Which obviously was used to fund the local Coral’s Christmas party.
At 19 I bought a brand new car on finance, that’s where the problems started. I could comfortably afford the £220 a month payments, yet out of the 60 payments I had to make, I think 5 was made on time without my bank declining it. As soon as I was paid I was on any gambling app I could find spinning away my whole wage on roulette.
Like everyone I was bragging about my rare wins and brushing the many loses under the carpet. My Mum and Dad warned me there’s only ever one winner as they noticed I was spending more and more time gambling.
By 21 i’d taken out every pay day loan who would lend to me. Missed every single payment and racked up debts of around 4-5k. This included the money I had taken off a bank card my Mum hard with my Grandparents savings on. I had borrowed it one Christmas after making up a lie why I had no money so I could buy some presents. I kept it afterwords and kept drawing £350 out a day chasing the big win and planning on putting all the money back before anyone noticed. Quite obviously, the win never came. My Mum and Dad found out through opening the letters that was coming through. When I got a text off them saying I think you need to come home, I knew instantly they knew. My heart sank. They knew I had a massive problem, I cried, they vowed to help. Offered to take me to professional help (biggest mistake ever turning it down).
They got the £4.5k together I needed and bailed me out. Great, this was the end and the money would get paid back. My dad was overlooking my bank account and I was saving money up well, paying money back, feeling great.
I always had an urge to gamble when he was monitoring the account and the first chance I got when I thought he wasn’t anymore I took it. And so it started all over again.
Fast forward to 24 and a few years of arguing, lying, winning little and losing every penny I earned. By now I’d been with my now partner 2.5 years, used every lie in the book to get money off her and about where I was when I was in the bookies. She was smitten and fell for my lies and kept piling money into me, thinking it was going to paying things etc not getting pumped into my B*****d app.
November 2017, I was in debt by around 20k, including about 12k in pay day loans, loans, credit cards, big overdraft, money I owed my parents, money I owed my grandma and the 5.5k I owed my Mrs.
BINGO!!!
Roulette came good after a £500 deposit and £11,100 was withdrawn into my bank. I immediately paid all the payday loans and loans as they was way way beyond due. Then lost about 3-4K on roulette. £800 left, £300 deposited on B*****d, got up to 8k. Went out shopping spent the last £500 on new clothes, the whole time was dying to get back to play with the 8k. I spent about 2 hours and I had it going up and up. 20k, 24k. It was then I decided on withdrawing £25,000 when I got there shortly. Easy. £24,800 just another 200 to go.
I lost the lot.
I lost most people’s yearly wage in 2 hours chasing an extra 200 poxy pounds.
My life was set, I was going to pay the remaining debts off and still have about 10-13k left.
I’ve had many big wins, but hundreds of big loses. I’ve lost comfortably £100k gambling and that’s gut wrenching.
I spent the next 9 months gambling, lying, arguing. My girlfriend was pregnant and we was buying a house. I didn’t have a dime to contribute and my credit score was non existent due to, I’d estimate at least 200 missed payments, no doubt many more.
Long story short it all came on top of me and by July after a few months of being in the house and not paying her my half on time and coming up with ridiculous lies I admitted I needed help and put myself in an IVA. I had debts of around 9k not including all the money I still owed my girlfriend and the money my Mum and Dad kept lending.
This was meant to be the start of my financial life at 25 but I was addicted to the thrill of gambling. I don’t even know why I was addicted because no matter what I won it wouldn’t make me happy and I’d want more.
Even today I would be gambling if I had any money. The last 2 weeks everything has come on top and I’ve been battling world war 3. Lie after lie, deeper and deeper.
My mental health has been ruined the last 7 years and I spend most of my time depressed, thinking about gambling, thinking about my next lie to con money out of someone.
I need help desperately, through gamcare I’ve been referred for counselling but they say the waiting list is at least 4 weeks. My life has been a waste since 18 and despite earning around 36k a year I have nothing to show.
I have a beautiful 7 week old baby and not even her has made me stop.
Gambling is an awful awful disease and needs to be taken seriously and properly regulated.
I’m just another stat and life it’s taken up.
But now I’m ready to get rid of the cancer and start my life. Almost age 26. For the sake of my amazing partner, and baby.
Sorry for the long boring post,
Thanks to anyone who has read this far x
Hi Lnimd,
Welcome to the Forum! And well done for taking this step and posting here.
I was glad to read that you have already been referred to counselling. That is a good step forward.
Reading your story, your thoughts still seem to go to the details of gambling a lot, to your losses and your winnings. Maybe it is time to let go of this.
There has been a technical problem with login to this site, so please don't get disheartened if you do not receive many responses at the moment. A lot of our members find it difficult to post. I would encourage you to use our helpline on 0808 80 20 133 or the Netline https://www.gamcare.org.uk/frontline-services/netline for further support, especially while you wait for your counselling to start.
You can do this!
Kind wishes
Gabriele
Lnimd
I read your story. I know that horrible demon and the lies. You need to keep busy for four weeks, start decorating perhaps? Declutter rooms, keep busy. Congratulations on becoming a dad, and seven week old.. Aww beautiful. She needs her Dad to be around.
Theres two ways of looking at this. You do this for you and the benefit of your little family. Or you continue to sabotage and cause riots with your health and ruin a happy life that is right there for you to have.
Focus on what you really want. Not the demon I feel that takes over our minds to gamble.
Right now, take each hour as it comes and do so every 24 hours. Get busy lovely.
I believe you can do it. You already shown dedication on having two jobs, having a relationship and now a responsibility of a new life.
Think of it as a challenge that is worth more than any lure of free spins. I didn't lose as much as you in that chasing rainbows part. But God do I know what or where you was at trying to get that £200 and then losing it all.
That exact moment is when the gambling demon takes over.
So.. In next four weeks break the habits. Mine was after midnight, when the house was quiet. And I was lay in bed with the thoughts of guilt. And then that was it. I had to. So now I am trying to break the patterns, go bed early and take a sleeping tablet.
You can ban yourself in all bookies.
I think you can do it. Give it your best xx
Morning Liam,
Just read your first post....what a post!
Here you are nearly a month gf!
Well done my friend! Life will be so much better gf for us both.
Great to talk on chat, I find it really helpful and positive.
Take care x
i know how you feel. if it makes you feel any better, quite a bit of the 100k you lost was money you had won and not your own money. I have just lost all my savings i saved up over the past 10 years. i feel sick, constantly on my mind. no way in hell i can tell my family. You are young so you have time to save up
i know the feeling of wanting to win more and more and then eventually lose. its a horrible cycle. we all make mistakes , its time to learn from them
I’m very similar started gambling at 21 and now I’m 27 and probably 13k in loan debt and 8k family debt. I keep chasing the losses or rounding it up to the nearest hundred but it never happens, I gamble via app as well it’s too easy I can do it anywhere. I vow every time I have a bad month that I won’t do it again but it’s easy to say that when you have lost everything but as soon as payday comes its like last month never happened and it starts all over again. 6 years for me and I’m quiet open about it to my bf and family, I’ve lost all hope and for me It’s who i am or all I remember. It’s so difficult to break the routine but we will get there one day and put this life behind us! Xx
I'm also a young gambling addict. I've been working a well paid job but have nothing to show for it apart from 5 figures of debt and the last 4 years of my life being filled with depression, anxiety, deciet and poor performance. I last gambled 06/10/2018, and today I have set up a debt repayment plan which will get me debt free in 2 1/2 years. The actual time taken will likely be less. There is hope, you can do it. What I found really helped for me, was coming clean to my family and a few close friends. I also came clean to work, and they have been unbeleivably supportive, despite my poor performance. I guess, in their eyes, the gambling addiction explains my depression linked to my poor performance and high absence rate at work, and they see potential in me if I can beat this. I know you probably feel like people wouldn't understand, I was in that boat for years, but finally getting it all off my chest has helped so much. The way I look at it is like this; before it was me vs the addiction. Now it's me, and everyone else vs the addiction. We'll get through it.
Mate,
Our stories could be identical! Ive been there, had 25k sat in my gambling account feeling elated, all my fiancial problems solved, and ended the week 25k down on credit cards.
I havent gambled since July, not one penny, not a scratchcard, not a lottery ticket. I cant tell you how awesome that feels.
I told my wife (who I was on my last warning with) on Thursday about it all. warts and all. Again, the feeling of having no secrets is something that lifts a massive weight.
Now the legacy is left. The legacy which is debt and the legacy which is deceit. It is going to take immense effort from me, and my wife to get through this, but we will get there. I also have a young daughter, and I have made the decsion not to be that dad. the dad that screws everything up, the dad that makes mummy and daddy divorce. its not happening.
I am currently seeing the councellors from Gamcare, and its helped massively. But the first step is the admission. Then the realisation that you can NEVER gamble again. You are not in control of it, its in control of you.
You will get there mate. I promise you. YOU have to want it though.
I wish you the very best in your recovery.
Matt
Hi,
Can relate to your story so much. Been there many times saying I would stop if I could meet a certain amount and then losing the lot. Also I won a couple of thousand and paid off my loans only to take them out again in the next few weeks and in a worse position. Circa 2008 the banks were throwing loans at me, one day I walked in and the women said I was eligible for a load of £25,000. I just laughed at her, I'd already written to the bank manager asking him to take away my overdraft facility and no response. Fortunately I was sensible as I knew I would waste the lot. Even if you'd got to the £25,000, like me, you possibly would have still ended back in the same position. That's how sick gambling can get. That's why they call it compulsive. Try hypnosis. There are videos on youtube. It worked for me so far.
All the best.
Hey
i have been a high roller too. hundreds of thousands lost and many other important things/people in life including my fiancee back in 2014, we have been together for 6 years and wanted to get married. I was drinking gambling and working ..nothing special..always depressed, mad at me, lost .. havent been in debt though. Do you want to lose yuor family? Please ask this one question when the urge to gamble comes up to you.
My appologies if my post is harsh , i would say its very straight forward!
Stay strong and GF
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