I've f'd up again.
Currently in a position where I can't pay the fee to where I live this month.
I took 2 weeks off work so I won't have next month's money either.
Partner has no idea. I haven't told him and don't really intend to. He treated me horribly last time. We've had a rocky relationship for awhile, and quite honestly I'm sure he is part of the reason I turn to gambling.
Today I lost the rest of my money. I normally feel a lot lower and sick and worried at this point but I don't. I felt hollow and empty. Me and my partner took a drive this evening and I kept seeing images of my brother while he was being given cpr. Images of visiting him in the funeral parlour. Images of him walking down the street. Lots of different memories hitting me I was sobbing and having a panic attack. All I've done since is think about him and how much I just can't bare to live without him.
I lost my brother new years day, he was 27.
I should care a bit more about my financial mess. But what I have realised is that gambling is definitely my escapism from dealing with life.
But I'm out of money now. I've got to go back to work next week. My partner is no support. My mum just doesn't talk to me. My brothers girlfriend is trying to get on with life and bringing up my niece. I haven't spoken to my dad since the funeral. I can't cope. I don't want to cope. Gambling is also a partial self-sabotage too I think. Forcing myself into a bigger and bigger mess.
I don't really know where to go from here.
Dear Souffle,
We are sorry to hear that you are struggling with your gambling and suffering from grief. Please do not be alone with this. We would like to encourage you to contact us so we can try to support you in every area.
Our HelpLine on 0808 8020 133 and our 1:1 Livechat are both open 24 hours every day.
Kind regards,
Juan
Forum Admin.
Hi there Firstly I am so sorry for the loss of your brother
I know exactly what you mean by self sabotage it seems we can be well educated very wise and shrewd yet we have let this addiction into our lives we can feel it’s wrong but common sense Will not prevail
Its like fighting ever attacking habits but these bankrupt us and leave us vulnerable to more personal problems and so goes the routine again
Wirh the help of GamCare plus financial debit arrangements and full blocks in place I found that these alongside a good diet outdoors exercise and deep breathing zones they have not only broken the habit but in the last 3 months made me confident and outgoing
With family relationship this will be better when you are better it’s you first then it can click together
One day at a time be aware keep switched on
Regards
Hi,
so sorry for your loss and situation.
Having awareness of self sabotage is you taking the steps to be a non gambler. I have just realised this myself, I have been gambling because I believed I don’t deserve a nice life. I live a secret life of being a female (mother/wife/daughter) gambler which I am terrified of being caught out!! I am now at last determine to stop gambling. D3 gf. It is not easy at all although this platform is helping me so much.
you deserve to be happy, believe it. Gambling is the devil of life.
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