Hi all it's Jen I just wanted to post this morning as I'm having a rough time. And posting on here as well as reading is one of my strategies and learning to control my gambling. If you guys remember I'm the one that's trying to learn how to control my gambling first before giving it up altogether if that is possible. Well I had one recent success story and one recent not so success story one day of controlling it while the next day of going again and not controlling .So it's definitely still a work in progress. But of course these early days and urges still come what I try to do is control them when it's not my designated day /amount to gamble. But I was already having urges since the second time I referenced where I lost control and spent too much. To chase those losses. Because I had done so good the day before controlling it, I was disappointed in myself. And just couldn't except that I had had this bad day. But I haven't chased them losses from the second day yet, knowing that would just make it worse, and I should just wait till my next designated gambling date and try to control it again, and then not go the next day or whenever just stick to my limits and keep learning to stick to them better and better. Which is to go once weekly with a small amount. However today my boyfriend Who works out in another state and most the time we are long-distance situation said something really juvenile rude and upsetting to me on the phone. I do believe he loves me but he can act immature sometimes especially since he works around oil field workers most of who are 19 to 20-year-olds he is 43 in lately he acts more like them. Trust me to those that will say it (I've already start questioning it in my mind )is this who he really is why is he acting this way and I want to be with someone acting this way but we are committed to working things out and trying counseling etc so I figure I should give it a chance to address it on next counseling and at least try to work it out in our 10 year relationship before I just dumped him over it. Right now it's safe to say we are in a fight, I am very upset by what he said it was a sexual joke against women, and I took a lot of offense to it and do not feel valued. I was already looking forward to his coming home for five days for Christmas and it's hard if you've been in a long distance relationship you know, u miss the person and you only feel close when they're there, so I was looking forward to making love getting close again and spending time together. Now by this sexual slang Joke made I feel like a h****r or somebody off the P**n video or just a piece of meat sexually I do not feel like a valued and loved significant other who he misses. I feel devalued. So it will be even harder to resist the urges as I'm upset!!!
Luckily I have plans tonight with what I call my stepdaughters actually his 16 and 18-year-old daughter the three of us are doing something which I'm looking forward to. So I will be busy and hopefully just enjoy my time with the girls regardless of the fact that their dad is acting like a j**k. Any advice or words of support would be appreciated. I mostly just venting.
Hey Jen sorry to hear you are having a rough time, speaking from experience I have tried and failed many times to control gambling/have a break and also to stop! and it has never worked if you don't want to gamble why put yourself in a situation whereby you could have to chase losses and fight the urges even more on the days you choose not to gamble? I see it as a big cycle of repeating mistakes/chasing losses, planning gambling days, winning, losing, losing time repeated over and over again! until that cycle is broken how will you ever be free? the misery will remain?
The important thing to remember when you have fall outs/ bad days is that they only become worse when we gamble and the underlying problems are still there needing to be dealt with? a bad day not gambling is better than a bad day as well as gambling? I realise how these can be triggers but try use them as motivation to overcome your problem with gambling.
Self exclude, hand finances over, go for a walk, a run, talk to someone about this, cook, read a book, anything really to keep you distracted.
Hope this makes sense and good luck with your recovery! the safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket! 🙂
I appreciate the reply in support. Unfortunately I still have not admitted to wanting to quit gambling, I'm just being honest here. My goal is still : trying to control it and I've had some successes. When I'm saying is whether I quit altogether or I'm trying to control it I still have to deal with the urges. And my personal problem with my significant other has continued on into today and got worse. It's very stressful and I feel very sad.
Significant other and I are supposed to talk tonight and to a certain point he apologize I was very brief and not the type of in-depth apology that I require also besides it how do I know what's going on with him why he's acting this way because he was at work but only talk for a split second on the phone that's all the time allowed in his defense also he wouldn't of had time to give longer apology or explanation even if he is inclined to do so, which I'm not sure he is. If any of that make sense. Will see more tonight when we have more time to talk to supposed call me around 9 PM my time after he gets out of work.
Jen I'm just an outsider... But have you considered that you may be a little more lonely because your man is away at work a lot and you're trying to fill the gap with your gambling, I'm not saying this is the only reason for you gambling but it could be a factor... So maybe if you fill your time with a morning club or even night school to give you a bit more social contact away from the G, it might be beneficial to you.... I'm not in a relationship, but sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me... This is a lifelong saying... Jim x
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