Help

Hi Johnyreggae,

Welcome.

Looking at the bare bones of your post I would say give up all affiliation to gambling. If I were you I would stop playing poker because this is keeping you in the loop.

You say that your gambling was under control and it got bad again. Therefore logically it wasn't really under control but out of control. Your wife has become involved now because you have confessed to having gambling debt. This is why it's important to quit all forms of gambling for good. You must protect your relationship because if you lapse again your wife may not be so forgiving. Look at the family and friends section to view some of the sad tales of families and lives destroyed by gambling.

If you were in your wife's shoes I would already be worried by being told about the 4k gambling debt. If poverty (through gambling) comes through the door then love can have a habit of flying out of the window.

My life is like a cautionary tale to others (one wrecked relationship and another that came perilously close because of gambling). On top of that a period in a mental institution because of the side effects of excessive gambling.

I know my response may appear harsh but I know from experience what can happen. Ultimately it's your life and you must live it as you see fit.

Hypnotherapy can be good for relaxation. Apart from that aspect I can't comment in connection with gambling. Others on here may offer some guidance.

Best Wishes.

Hi Mr Stop,

Thanks for your reply.

I can't help but agree that your response seems harsh but then again it is exactly what is needed.

To add some further content, I told my wife about my debt as I felt it was at a point that if it got any worse it may affect both of us. At its current size it is manageable for me considering my salary etc. I knew if it got larger then we could be in trouble so to stop this happening i asked her for help. The first step?

I basically spend my money free money in advance of having it and then pay it off when I get paid.

My most recent gambling expericence, a week of trips to the bookmakers, late nights playing blackjack online and a fruit machine jackpot saw me within £300 of paying my £1800 debt in full. Of course i was on a streak so i couldn't see how lucky i had been so far. Each day I would cash out and pay off some of my CC bill. Last wednesday saw me spend £3500 trying to win £300. What was i doing??? only an idiot would do this, either that or a gambling addict chasing their loses.

What i struggle with is knowing the value of the money i am spending. I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent, i have a good job and had a good up bringing. i was always taught the value of money and saved for everything i have ever had, house deposit, cars, holidays, most recently a very expensive wedding.

I am known by many as a tight person, i don't waste money and am mostly fruggle.

Why is it that this is not the case when i am gambling? It makes absolutely no sense to me at all.

I suppose the worst part is when i chase my loses, i guess i get out of control.

Hi Johnyreggae,

When I respond to someone on the Forum I do so as a person that has plumbed life's depths due to gambling. I don't want to see someone such as yourself do the same as I know just how bad then particular bad can be in this respect.

I agree that telling your wife could be considered as a step in the right direction. You need to prove to her that gambling will not affect your relationship further in any way shape or form. In order to do this you need to block online gambling sites on all your devices. Your wife can set the password on K9 and keep it secret. Self exclude from High Street outlets. You could let your wife take charge of all your finances. This is because you need to break the vicious gambling circle and make sure your money is kept safe and sound. Thus keeping the future of your family safe and sound.

Excessive gambling knows no logic and chasing losses is the quickest way to the poorhouse. The reason for it is, no matter how much the CG is in front it is never enough so they cannot win. Let's suggest the CG is on a winning high, it feels wonderful and the world is his or her oyster. Temptation cuts in and says just another bet (it loses) and another (same) the so on and so forth. Then all of a sudden he/she is on shaky ground and the profit is gone. They delve into the bank account again the losses mount up, their judgement becomes clouded (there will be near misses) and their nerves jangle because they are on very dangerous ground. They have now done their overdraft and dabbled with credit cards. Now there is a feeling of shock and gut wrenching despair and they say to themselves I won't gamble ever again. They wake up the following day and when it reaches afternoon they are ready for the fray again so out come the credit cards. The CG may even win the money back (oh ! that wonderful feeling) and more besides but guess what ? It's not enough so the whole vicious circle kicks off again (oh ! the hideous gut wrenching lows). Value of money ? What's that ? Whilst the CG is on a gambling binge it just does not exist. Out onto the stage come loans/more credit cards/ increased overdrafts/payday loans/borrowing from relatives/stealing. On it can go, until the CG is in the gutter/ prison / mental home and friends and relatives have disowned them.

OK so it's a worse case scenario but you can avoid being anywhere near that by taking the strongest measures available to prevent you from gambling. You could even contact Gamcare for free counselling and or attend your local GA meetings.

Now I've kicked gambling I know the value of money and what it can buy. It can give me the security I never had when I was a CG, whom always lived on the edge. I'm actually beginning to have a small amount of spare cash in the bank which is MINE and not earmarked for some ridiculous gambling assignment. I feel far happier now. I have peace of mind. I know I do not risk my wife throwing me out.

In giving up gambling you will give yourself and your wife the chance of a wonderful future. You have proved that you can save for the good things in life so you can do the same again. When that saved money is in the bank, you'll know the value of it and what it can buy. If you don't give up gambling things may be different.

I know I've gone on a bit but I have the time tonight and if I can help you or someone else for that matter, it'll have been worthwhile.

Take Care Now.

Hi mr stop.

Thanks for your input, I really do appreciate your time.

So far my wife has taken over the money, I sm excluded from at least 20 online sites and the local bookies and I will ask her to install k9 tomorrow.

You mentioned counselling. Is this a telephone service or online or live?

Hi again Johnyreggae,

If you call the helpline on 0808 8020 133 they should be able to give info on available counselling. I think they are there until midnight.

Best Wishes.