I have been gambling for almost twenty years. I was very bad and went through a big IVA with 20k to pay back which I did. I have got some good help over the last decade and generally I have gone without gambling. But about once a year I slip either in shops (have gamstop) or on CFD stocks and shares. It is so hard to motivate myself, to know that my finances are always suffering. I always think life is improving as then another slip (£2,000 this last 6 weeks). And now I think, I need to start again from scratch and keep thinking of those numbers and the effect it has on myself and bank balance.
So after waffling on a bit there, my question is:
How do you best deal with the significant losses that send you deep into overdrafts credit when you have been through these problems time and time again and keep repeating the same mistakes over and over. I don't have a partner or anything so I spend a lot of time in my head analysing these figures and it just depresses me. I dread to imagine what I have lost lifetime.
Any ideas on how to face this psychologically would be most helpful.
ThanksÂ
Hiya jdÂ
Sorry to hear about your loss my friend and the only way I can deal with it is by just putting the pass behind me and realising that I can't get that back so it's gone otherwise I would find myself chasing it and we all know that just leads to bigger losses. If you put it down to experience and except it's gone and from here on in be gamble free just taking it one day at a time then I believe that's the best way forward, put all your blocks in place as you can never say never but the whole idea if you relapse it damage limitation. I wish you well going forwardÂ
Hi J.D,
If you want to lose and not worry about it or just accept it to make betting easier there is no way to make it okay.
If you want to get over the losses so you can move forward the only way is to accept they are gone, that chasing losses only ends in more losses, and accept that gambling has you beat. You can't win, and even if you do you don't have the willpower to stop, because willpower doesn't come into it for problematic gamblers. It's an illness that needs arresting.
An actual psychological way to help get over it is to work the 12 steps with a sponsor in Gamblers Anonymous or a counselling course via the Gamcare advisers and the companies that they use locally to you.
Chris.
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Thanks very much guys. I have had some help in the past and am screening for the Gamchange course on here. Thanks again, have a good weekend.
You need to draw a line under the losses, accept the money has gone and it's not coming back. I've had to and I'm not the gambler in the house.
You know how this movie ends. You could try playing it right through and picturing the inevitable outcome.
Hi J.D
You deal with the losses as part of a full recovery process which is about the born again moment to face reality and keep getting reality checks.
Openness and honesty are your saviours. I hope you will tell someone close because there is no shame in admitting an addiction took you over. You need to explain a gambling session to a non gambler and remember that binge gambling (even once a year) is extremely dangerous.
Well you have seen the result so you have to understand you have a drug addiction or mental illness for it...theres nothing rational about what you are doing because your mind is controlling you. Just like an alcoholic one drink or one gamble opens the floodgates...you cant have just oneÂ
Gambling has the ability to take everything from you in one session...everything!
You need all the help you can get. Your addiction will laugh at what you think is your willpower to stop. The cold turkey and new relationship with money may have to be forced on you before you learn to heal.
Someone should be looking after the main bulk of your money. At the very least it should be in secure accounts that require 30 days withdrawal notice. Not the ultimate solution though as really you should be on an allowance with full accountability
Its nothing to do with your ego or feeling like a grown adult. Face those losses on a balance sheet and tell people you trust what you have been up to.
My gambling was actually a cry for help. It was an escape drug from my life. I had become a jaded mess of emotions...a miser with a love/ hate relationship with money. Â Confused and with a forty year gambling addiction was a toxic soup that was killing me
Ive gambled the price of a house away over the years and nice cars. Instead I rent and ride a bike ( I enjoy my cycling) but it gives you a picture of what I had to put behind me. Yes it crosses my mind but it gives me the strength not to give the dens one more penny.
When I told people they asked me if I was trying to self destruct and totally destroy/ kill myself....thats the way it looks to them because they see through it. I needed to try and explain myself as secrets are no good for you.
That was vital because I had given up on a positive life to a large extent. I just couldnt see that I was totally bored and jaded with life...gambling was a form of self harm based on my anxiety and stress
Thats one more reality check because the reality is that I was a mess of depression and loneliness in a dopamine dream world trying to make me feel anything but numb.
THE MONEY HAS GONE. Take pride in creating a balance sheet and building a positive life again.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Thanks Joydivider. I really appreciate the time you took there and the feeling you put into that reply.
Can you tell me where perhaps I can find an easy balance sheet to use?
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