Hi I feel like I'm in quite an unusual situation where I am a couple of months into starting my recovery from gambling and am doing very well on that front. However the damage is already done and I'm looking at potentially getting divorced.
I know that the best way for me to try and save my marriage is to heal, be my best me and show my wife what a great husband and farther I can be, my question is how do people manage to stay positive and keep healing, when your whole world is crumbling and you can't undo the damage you have already caused. I feel equally helpless and hopeless
Having been a GA member for many years I kind of live my recovery through their ideas and books and so on, and in Recovery, especially in the twelve steps, the order of priority is as follows. First is your abstinence and recovery. That should supersede everything. Without abstinence or a recovery you have nothing.
Second is to yourself. It's quite a selfish program but the point is if you look after yourself first then you can look after others. This doesn't mean you don't look after your family or put their welfare before yours if you had to choose, but it means that if you put your gamble free life first then as good things happen for you so others benefit.
Family is third in importance, behind abstinence and yourself. None less important but as a priority behind the others.
There are others like your job, your community and so on.
The point of this is to say look after yourself and your recovery first. Strive to become a better person, try and like yourself again and hopefully that will be seen by your wife. It's no guarantee and maybe the damage has been done, which you mention, but you can only try.
As far as keeping positive through all that's going on, it's not easy, but it helps if you have somewhere to vent. My GA room is a good place for me, some use a counsellor, some use a therapist, anywhere so that you don't have to keep things locked in.
Finally, moving forward, remember your part in your wife's unhappiness. If you can make things right, fantastic, but if you can't don't make it worse.
Life will sort itself out, it might just take time.
Chris.
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