When I was 17 i met my partner, he loved gambling but it was at the time just a bit of fun. We started going to casinos for a night out and loved it. Over the years it became a big addiction of mine and at one point i maxed out credit cards and all sorts and spent £19000 on it, over the years ive tried stopping, I've gone on to a debt management plan and paid things off and now im back in it again. I feel like because we now owe so much money im fed up of having nothing and its desperation.... i'm desperate to have money. I'm constantly unwell and have been ill for a month now, i worry myself sick all the time. I have a 2 year old now and although he doesnt exactly go without I'm desperate to turn my life around for him and i need help once and for all. The problem here is that it isnt just me, myself and my partner are addicted to it and i need this to stop!!
Hi Em,
I think that’s a question many of us have asked over the years and I think in reality there are different answers for different people. For me there were underlying issues and it is so clear now why I started and why I allowed things to get out of control.
I think there is usually a reason why and if you can figure that out it’s the first step to stopping. Addiction is never quite that simple – “work out why and then you stop” – sadly not quite. But if you work out why you can better identify triggers or weaknesses which helps you better plan your life/time to decrease the likelihood of it happening again.
Blockers, self-exclusion etc and all really helpful but as we all know – if you want to gamble then you will, more often than not – find a way to do so.
So I think looking at “why” is also very important.
If you and your partner are in this together then you have a chance to change together and replace your gambling time with something new – and do so together. Anything and everything that distracts you from those urges will help. Day by day it gets a little easier and once you’re into double figures of days it will start to seem like there is a lot more to lose if you give in! People slip up and relapse – I have in the past – but (from my experience) those slip ups tend to be smaller and less disastrous as by that stage the thought of undoing the progress you’ve made is an awful one. Before you have a few days under your belt there is often a sense of “f*** it – how much worse can things get?”. But with a little time behind you – you have something more important to lose!
Keep talking, keep posting and keep trying. Don’t let your guard down and don’t become complacent. This is hard to beat – but if you want to and you put your all into it – you can do it!
Thank you so much for your comment. It's hard because I'm not entirely sure my partner will ever completely stop but I want to so badly, I want it out of my life and to start completely fresh not just for my sake but my sons, it causes nothing but stress and worry. Something that started off as a harmless bit of fun years ago has ruined so much. It puts a massive strain on our relationship too and causes so many arguments its just very unhealthy. No one would ever believe this of me if they knew. 🙁 This is the first time ever I've had the courage to join something like this, I felt like I had to do something. Thanks again.
Fair play for taking the first steps and trying to do something about it, like the post before, you have to try and focus your energy into anything and everything else...give it time, stay strong, you'll get there!
Hi Embrown1986
Welcome to the forum. As SM says the addiction is never that simple to work through. It involves getting to the root of your soul and also realising that we have been sold a life dream and gambling is not the answer. It becomes dreams on top of dreams and its designed to get us hooked fast. Fact is not everybody is going to have pots of money...FACT. It may seem unfair but its a fact in our system.
I have started to use the words cold turkey more now. You ask how do you stop. Well it takes real blocks setting up that period of cold turkey just like any substance addiction. Gambling is very similar and is now in the same medical chapter as drug abuse.
You will think about gambling but will not be able to do it. If your partner is addicted it will be harder for you like the couples I used to see at fruit machines with the particular type of banter couples have in that situation.
You do need to stop because it has new lows in store and the only way is down based on the odds. You have to recalibrate your life. Is money the answer because it only really comes in with hard work or if you create something everyone buys.
The casino have been making a nice living from you and you need to start focusing on what gambling is really all about. This sounds obvious but your mind has been controlled and confused as we all were.
Being fed up of having nothing is a dangerous thought because gambling is a tax on the poor. You will manage better when you are gamble free. Is money the answer to your feelings? I reached a stage where shopping for goodies was not not the answer to how I was feeling inside. I was actually looking for hits to combat depression, anxiety and uncertainty. I got addicted to the feeling of playing rather than the money part of it.
It was the uncertainty that was destroying me. I saw no future and gambling became an escape. As we said its very complex. I really wish it was simply a case of saying I will stop now
Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling and its well worth the work involved in a recovery.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Thank you all so much. I 100% know that this isn't going to be easy but I feel like i'd do anything right now to change my life around. I'm 31 years old and i've literally wasted many years doing this rubbish now.
Like you say, it might be a case of there being a completely different underlying issue and its kind of like an escape but i do think it is about the money for me (i think)...which when you think about it is ridiculous, if we saved all the money we spent on gambling we would have so much of it. I guess you just get in to this frame of mind thinking its your turn to be lucky and to get that break x
I agree, it's the thrill of the possibility that you will win. I hit rock bottom this last week after clearing the last 1700 out my savings and wasting it. I'm so angry at myself but I think I needed to hit rock bottom to be able to see how bad it's got. It's been a real wake up call. Feel disgusted with myself and I know that I have to do this now that I have lost everything I worked so hard for. On to day 2 gf abd the start of my new life x
Hello Embrown1986,
You've mentioned that you've been ill for a month and that you've been feeling anxious. Please allow your GP to attend to any medical concerns, so that you have more support to maintain your physical and emotional well-being. You might also like to consider using our free counselling services so that you have some more support for your recovery from problem gambling. You're welcome to call us on 0808 8020 133 to find out more about the various types of support that could be available.
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/get-support/frontline-services/helpline
http://www.gamcare.org.uk/support-and-counselling/free-counselling
Take care,
Forum admin.
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