I have gambled since the age of 21 whilst in Uni needing extra cash, I am sure this is how it starts for a lot of us. I have recently got worse with this addiction, I am now 35 and last year I gambled 5K whilst on a car journey to Cornwall, then another holiday in Kent i gambled 7k whilst most recently I have gambled 11k several days before christmas.Â
I am a trained professional but I am out of work at the moment, My job involves working closely with peoples emotions and it requires emotional availability; something I have not had for several years. I have been binging with gambling now since March 2022, I have not come out of this binge. Normally they last for a week or two but this one has lasted a year and a half, I have been going to casinos routinely, sometimes four nights per week, I have recently started to gamble online despite being registered with Gamstop and Gamban. I used an unsafe casino in the US which has also scammed me out of money.Â
Right now it is 02.27 and I want to be spinning money, all i can think about is getting that money back that I have lost 11K, i recently purchased a house and saved money to renovate it, i have builders here completing the works and I am spinning their money whilst they are asking me for my advice on how I want things in the house. Every night I have been playing until 6am and only sleep when I am completely exhausted, last night I 'won' xxxx playing roulette then today I won another xxxx and i felt like I could breathe but as soon as i got out of the bath I had gambled it all back and then started thinking self destructively again. I know I am stupid I know i am on a destructive path and the only way off it is rock bottom, I have fell off the tree but this time i cannot seem to climb back up? I just cant get over this loss in the same way I have the others. I needed to rant here on this forum and I would like some advice if any of you would be so kind as to how I can move past this episode and accept what has happened to me. It all happened so fast I feel like i blinked and suddenly ive spent money from my bank, credit cards & I have not even thought about christmas because i am consumed by guilt shame and self loathing. All i want to do is move past it, i can accept that money is gone but i cannot seem to get my mental health to repair; it feels frantic like it is stuck in a frenzy that i cannot pull it out of.Â
If any one has any advice on what helped them deal with this please do share. Although i have gambled for the last 14 years I have never felt this before. I am attending GA on thursday in my local town.Â
I feel your pain Will, I think we've all walked many miles in your shoes my friend. The money is irrelevant its just the fuel for the addiction. You know , we all know, the money is gone, your never going to win back your losses, even if you did, would you stop? No chance. Gambling is poison to you, winning is the ultimate poison.
Give yourself a break, any way you can surrender your financial position to some1 you can trust? You need time to see through the fog. You don't need to gamble its not fun, there is no pleasure in the act.
Hope you get through the day my friend, 1 day at a time.
All the best
Trigger
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