Today I am done with gambling for good. Self excluded from online, offline. After 5.5 years, the losses have been horrendous. Way beyond anything I could have imagined in the wildest of my nightmares. Equally, the level of deceit, regret, emotional and mental pain has been off the charts. After relapsing again and again, I know this is the end of my gambling. All the blocks have been put.
Saddled with a huge amount of debt, my coming days will not be easy. But it is what it is. Thankfully, no what pain and suffering I will go through, I will no longer dread of destroying my life anymore with gambling. Equally thankfully, I have saved myself from plunging to further misery. I still have a roof over my head, have a loving and caring wife, some great friends and siblings, still have a well paying job, and reasonably good health. I donot want to lose any of these - and will not now thanks to the self exclusions. Have broken the deadly triangle for good.
Whatever life throws at me now, however huge the price I’ll pay, nothing will be as worse and soul and life destroying as what gambling will bring.
So onwards and upwards now. I have some tough days ahead. Will need to live ind day at a time. Keeping dark thoughts at bay. Deal with the utterly strong remorse of losing tons and tons and tons of money. With hard graft, positive attitude and the cheerful support of my mrs, I will make it, and rebuild it. Just so thankful and grateful for all that I still have with me. Yes I have lost a lot of money and it will take years to rebuild my finances and pay off all my debts but I will focus now on becoming a better person than I have been in the last 5.5 years. One day at a time, Valueing and enjoying all the little priceless things that I have ignored so far.
I wish everyone here a lot of strength and courage to recover and rebuild. Keep strong guys.
Good luck.
Can I ask how your wife was when you told her / she found out
Well done - i was you 73 days ago . It was difficult to begin and urges will be there but with these blocks in place you will beat it. I have to be honest it will be hard but with any habit you will have a lot of downs, however..... this last week i have turned a corner and realised that my urges are less and less . I have kept very busy doing things around the house and even garden!! Things I should have done ages ago but didn’t because i was gambling. The rewards i get from completing these tasks are great and i have money left in my bank which is a fantastic feeling. Keep positive and YOU will beat this?
Good luck.
Can I ask how your wife was when you told her / she found out
My wife always knew about my gambling. I never hid this from her. In the end, it was down to me to stop it. To put the final nail in the coffin after years of struggling to do this.
I knew if I continued like this, I will lose her and everything else I had.
Well done - i was you 73 days ago . It was difficult to begin and urges will be there but with these blocks in place you will beat it. I have to be honest it will be hard but with any habit you will have a lot of downs, however..... this last week i have turned a corner and realised that my urges are less and less . I have kept very busy doing things around the house and even garden!! Things I should have done ages ago but didn’t because i was gambling. The rewards i get from completing these tasks are great and i have money left in my bank which is a fantastic feeling. Keep positive and YOU will beat this?
Thank you so much. I know it is an uphill climb. It is still Day 1. But I am taking one day at a time.
How are things today?
How are things today?
Hi there
Thanks for checking on me. Things are a bit up and down emotionally. I oscillated between reprimanding myself for getting myself banned from casinos to feeling a sense of peace that gambling will not destroy me any further.
The pain of recent financial loss is still raw given that it was very huge. I am however coping and staying ok.
Hope you are doing well.
Its like with any addiction- going cold turkey in a way - maybe a bit extreme but all of a sudden you cannot gamble at all and its a weird feeling! You will go through a lot of different feelings and knowing how to deal with them is difficult. At first I was very determined and I was positive then after a few days It hit me how much i lost over the many years (a lot!) and the guilt was quite unbearable! I would usually have started to gamble again to try and win it back ! But with these blocks i was unable so I didn’t know what to do! This site helped a lot and i would read loads till i fell asleep! I tried to help others on this to help me! Now I feel much better the urges are less however i know that without these blocks in place I would be back to square one so being honest with yourself is of utmost importance. Keep checking in on this forum . You will beat this - you say you have a wonderful wife so in a way even though you have lost money you have what money cannot buy - love from another person ?
Its like with any addiction- going cold turkey in a way - maybe a bit extreme but all of a sudden you cannot gamble at all and its a weird feeling! You will go through a lot of different feelings and knowing how to deal with them is difficult. At first I was very determined and I was positive then after a few days It hit me how much i lost over the many years (a lot!) and the guilt was quite unbearable! I would usually have started to gamble again to try and win it back ! But with these blocks i was unable so I didn’t know what to do! This site helped a lot and i would read loads till i fell asleep! I tried to help others on this to help me! Now I feel much better the urges are less however i know that without these blocks in place I would be back to square one so being honest with yourself is of utmost importance. Keep checking in on this forum . You will beat this - you say you have a wonderful wife so in a way even though you have lost money you have what money cannot buy - love from another person ?
Yes that is so true. Money can’t buy love and I am fortunate there. Feeling the stinging pangs of financial loss though but with no door open now for gambling to happen, there is a sense of resignation. It is tough but will ride it out reminding myself that had I not stopped, things could have been worse. Just pushing myself at work today despite feeling a bit surreal. Its as if my gambling mind is in a bit of denial and I am expecting the pain to increase temporarily and reaching a peak before waning. So will need to patient with constant reminders to myself that this whole concept of “winning my money back” with gambling is a big fat lie.
Also the plus side is there is some peace in the background. The compulsive thoughts that tormented me have somehow got their life sucked out of them as my mind knows the doors for gambling are firmly shut.
Hope you are doing well.
Hi
The addictions and obsessions were a form of escape for me.
By saying just for today I will not gamble is saying I am no willing to hurt myself waste time or money.
Just for today is a boundary I set up for myself enough is enough.
I was just like the rat in the wheel going faster and faster getting now where.
That was a complete waste of time and energy and waste of my life and relationships.
Getting balance in to my life was important.
Over coming my procrastinations was very important.
Over coming my fears was important.
Facing myself was important.
Handing over my finances was important.
Learning to articulate myself in healthy ways was important.
Becoming more stable in myself was important.
Not running in my fears from people life and situations was important.
How much do I value myself today.
How much do I want to live a healthy life today.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
Yes that is so true. Money can’t buy love and I am fortunate there. Feeling the stinging pangs of financial loss though but with no door open now for gambling to happen, there is a sense of resignation. It is tough but will ride it out reminding myself that had I not stopped, things could have been worse. Just pushing myself at work today despite feeling a bit surreal. Its as if my gambling mind is in a bit of denial and I am expecting the pain to increase temporarily and reaching a peak before waning. So will need to patient with constant reminders to myself that this whole concept of “winning my money back” with gambling is a big fat lie.
Also the plus side is there is some peace in the background. The compulsive thoughts that tormented me have somehow got their life sucked out of them as my mind knows the doors for gambling are firmly shut.
Hope you are doing well.
Yes i am well - day 80 today. Have had a great weekend away with friends. I am now able to enjoy times like these without feeling guilty. There would always be that nagging feeling when i was trying to enjoy myself that i had to keep on gambling to recover my loses. My emotions would be all over the place! Now my head is much clearer. I have to make sure that I never go to that dark place again. I felt like I was in a tunnel and never able to see the light at the end .
Please make sure you put good plan into place, because it's very well and good to say you're going to stop (they are a dime a dozen on these forums), but you need to have a strategy in place. Self exclusion may not be enough, you need physical blocks to restrict access to your cash to some degree.
Good luck
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