I don't know how to stop

Hi jd, welcome to recovery 🙂

You're not alone anymore but whilst we can offer advice & support from cyber space, you have a lot of work to do out there in the real world! You must get this out in the open & take the secrecy out of the addiction to weaken it! When you say your Mum helped you before, if you mean with a bail out, that actually doesn't really help us compulsive gamblers! Get sufficient blocks into place to break your gambling (Time-Money-Location, remove one & you cannot gamble) triangle starting with some blocking software. K9 is free but there are lots out there & Gamcare will help you if you need a steer...They can also provide counselling! I'm guessing from your comments gambling may have been an escape from a horrible marriage & now you are just stuck in a rut? You obviously feel very helpless @ the moment & you have to find a way to break the cycle. We cannot win because we cannot stop so any money we do make always goes straight back, you will never start making money from it but by stopping, you won't lose anymore!

You've made some daft mistakes, it doesn't make you a bad person! Time to take a deep breath & start moving forwards - ODAAT

You are definately not alone we have all been in a very dark place are trying to climb to the light...the road to recovery is hard but very possible if you are willing to admit that you have a problem and act on it now....first off cut your loses now...the money you lost is gone forever. I did not quite accept that last year and dug myself a much bigger hole that I will take me a few years to clear. ....the money you lost you will neve seen again period..if you can accept that (easier said then done) what you will have ahead of you is your normal..happy life..coming clean is always the best way but it is not always for everyone...breaking triangle of Time-Location-Money is a must...and money should be the 1st peace to be broken...without money you cannot gamble..than you can seek alternative help...GA, councelling etc...if not just keep on coming back here as you will always find great people on here that will offer advice and help...just don't feel that you have to do is on your own...good luck

Thanks for your replies and kind words.

My mum finishes work at 2 so not long until I desstroy her world. I live with her so I'm going to ask her to take charge of my bank account and my wages. Hopefully I can have the courage to tell her if not I'm worried about what I might do, I just want to escape.

I just feel so alone and have for the last couple of years. I love my boyfrend but constant lying to everyone around me just makes my feel on my own always, I've had enough of it, I don't have the energy anymore.

That's a great start & do let her know that this site is here for her too! Why not give the Gamcare team a quick call before she gets back to ask about some counselling for these feelings so that you can show her it's going to be different this time!

Addiction is the cause of much pain, not the cure from it & I suspect that when gambling you are able to forget about your loneliness for as long as your money lasts? This is so very common & recovery is possible! You can do this - ODAAT

Thank you.

I'very told my mum who has been great as usual.

I told my boyfriend and just wanted him to hug me and say it'l be ok however he's gone very cold and said he needs time.I know it's what I deserve but it's killing me.

Hello,

The trouble with addiction is that everyone suffers, not just the person with the addiction. If you read some of the Family & Friends posts, you'd get an insight of life on the other side of the fence. It's no picnic.

Whatever the outcome, you've done the right thing in telling, you had the guts to tell, which doesn't always happen so all credit for that. I hope that long term, telling brings you relief. All you can do at this stage is show them and keep showing them what you are doing to keep the triangle broken. If you can get some understanding of their position from the f&f threads, do. (His worst and immediate problem is probably that you've been lying to him.) And get external support from GC or GA.

Wish you well,

CW

I don't know as it's what you deserve but looking @ it from his perspective, he's just found out the person that he loves had been lying to him & that has to hurt!

Fantastic work coming clean though, that shows real guts 🙂 Question now is where do you go from here? Why don't you create yourself a recovery diary so that you have a safe place to come when you're feeling urges or blue? What are you going to try this time? GA, counselling, GP, it's not gonna just get better if its own accord...A bit of guidance as to how to cope will surely be beneficial?

It's not the same but it's the thought that counts & I don't dish these out willy nilly but ((jd))

Hi JD I hope you can take on board the advice and support from everyone on here. You have made the first steps towards recovery by admitting you have a problem and by telling your mum and boyfriend. As a mum of a cg myself can I just say your mum will want to support and help with all of her heart, she will want to 'fix' everything, want to take it all away, make it all better, that's what mums do. Please work with your mum, put a plan of recovery together, let her help but also you have to want to do this for yourself and take responsibility for your recovery. I found out in November about my son, after a few bad weeks he is doing a lot better now, He is not totally gf, he has had a couple of £10 bets with his 'spends' he couldn't do more as I am handling his finances for now. It's not ideal but it's a way forward and a big improvement and also every persons recovery is different. I know it's really hard for you but just think of how good you will feel if you keep at it. It's time to kick I'ts b**t!! Take care - wcid x

Thanks everyone.

I'm trying to work through my issues and sort myself out. My mum has been an absolute star.

I've not seen my boyfriend since I told him. He says he doesn't know if we can still be together as I lied to him. It's so hard, I miss him so much and really need his support right now.

Hello, again,

Sorry to hear that you're finding it painful but try looking at it from your bf's perspective. Gambling makes you become very selfish (f&f always say this but it's true). In time, you'll recognise that it's not all about you. Your bf's feelings also matter.

Having said that, recovery is absolutely all about you, you are responsible for it, not your bf, not your mother, not anyone else. It's no good thinking that you can't do it without his support. You might have to and the decision as to whether to choose gambling or recovery stays with you. You can't delegate it.

You've made a good start by telling and enlisting support but follow through, show your commitment and keep at it. Follow the advice to keep your triangle broken and get the external support from GC and or GA. Actions do speak louder than words.

I hope it all gets easier.

CW

Hi JD, you must be relieved you have told them what is happening. Your bf will be confused as to how he is feeling. I know and understand that you must miss him and he might change his mind and come around. If you can get in touch with him ask him to read posts on gamcare for to find out more about the addiction. Involve him and explain all the barriers you are going to put in place to aid your recovery. I'm pleased you have the support of your mum and I'm sure she will support you in recovery. Keep posting and good luck. - wcid