I hate myself, can it actually get better from here?

Good evening ahhhhh,

Welcome first of all and well done on asking for help.

You are not alone. Most of us have been in a similar boat to you.

As you know yourself it is devestating to ones sanity, especially when you lose and try to chase back what you’ve lost. Most of us have been there at one point.

a few small pointers for you if I may.

1. Gamstop

Block yourself for 5 years. Anything less and I think most will agree you are not serious about kicking the habit. If the site you use isn’t signed up to it, get them to exclude you. Most are on it though as far as I am aware as a part of the responsible gambling firms.

2. Get someone else to look after your cards. By doing this the temptation is removed as you haven’t got them to hand and if you are out in town you are unable to withdraw money from your wallet. I carry £10-20 depending on the day.

3. Talk about it. Talk about how you feel, what made you gamble k that day. It helps to get it out there like you are doing and stop it being a dark little secret.

4. Take each day as it comes. You may have relapses but so what? Don’t beat yourself up over it.

5. Listen to the advice of others on here who have been through a lot worse than what we have. They are much further down the road and have lost everything. At present yours is just financial.

You are who you are and it’s ok to be a compulsive gambler. Just set things in place to prevent yourself losing more money.

Remember, one day at a time.

CJ.

Hello

I'm not in a great place to offer wisdom I'm afraid. However, could I just say that you could tell yourself that you are an extremely fortunate person. I know it doesn't feel that way right now but given your age this "episode" could be just a distant memory in time, just a blip on your life's landscape as you go on to have fabulous experiences. CJ gave some great advice, especially regarding the "sanity" issue and secrecy. Yes, it's a lot of money but just try and think of it as a life lesson you've paid for ( which if you can stop, will be a cheap lesson in the long run! ) Money can be replaced, somehow, sometime but emotional damage is on a whole different level. Don't hate yourself, there are far, far worse things you could be fretting about. Tell yourself off if you have to, then congratulate yourself on having had a very lucky escape and put it in the past rather than letting it steal your future. All the best.

Hiya, to answer the question “can it actually get better?” that answer is yes, it absolutely can and it will get better if 1) you stop gambling & 2) get to the root of your gambling problem. Number 2 is important because it’s one thing to stop, but you must get to the root of the problem if you want to stop and never go back to it. You need to know why you’re gambling. Is it just for a bit of fun? Extra cash? Trying to keep your mind distracted from something?

For now, just focus on not incurring any more losses. Things might seem bad just now because you have another 3 weeks until pay day, but things can always get worse. A lot of people think they’ve hit rock bottom, but don’t realize that rock bottom is somewhere that they had never even imagined.

You also have youth on your side. You're only 19. You have so much potential to recover. You have your whole life ahead of you. Keep positive.

Hi ahhhhh,

Your post has reminded me of my early gambling days. As my ability to earn larger amounts of money increased with better jobs so did my gambling, constantly chasing losses and not wanting to feel that I'd been beaten (I used to be extremely competitive). Gambling is a progressive illness because the brain constantly works to keep dopamine levels balanced by reducing high levels caused when gambling. The tolerance I developed caused me to gamble larger amounts (high risk gambling) incurring huge losses of the following 23yrs. It took me to homelessness and suicidal ideation. I did many things that I said I would never do when I was in my teens.

So many times my justification for gambling was to improve my financial situation but what I've realised during the recovery time I have is that I gambled for the psychological effect of what it did to me. Gambling is a very expensive form of entertainment and not a money making opportunity.

I hope you get the help you are looking for and wish you all the best for the future.

You're 19 dude. First thing to do when you get paid is to pay off the pay day loans! That's the most important thing. If you feel you need to gamble, maybe ask someone to look after your money for a while. Doesn't have to be your parents, could be a trusted friend, gf. You went 3 months, so you can go 4 months then 5 and so on. Do not think about the money you have lost. We've all lost money. That is why we're here! We all need to think about the money we will save by not gambling! Think of what you could do with the money you used to gamble with; even if it's as simple as get a takeaway with your girl at the weekend, a few driving lessons a month.. anything. We are all here because we don't want to live like we have been anymore! So stay strong, my friend. You can do this!

i spent over a decade of my life gambling

a few weeks ago i finally made the concious decision that gambling is too volatile to allow me to achieve what i want from life

yea sure somedays you will win and feel on top of the world , but the trade off for that is the losses and losing streaks that make you feel like life isnt worth living all becuase the ball wont land on a number or because the football team youve backed cant be arsed to play properly

none of it is worth it .....it is impossible to win all the time and as problem gamblers thats all we want to do when you accept that you realise how futile it is ( it is what you would call the gambling paradox)

give it up mate it wont make you rich......but it will put you in debt and a lot more than 3 grand if you carry on trust me

I'm in a very similar situation as you, except I'm 27 so you have 8 years on me.

I'm still in a fairly low paid job, having dropped out of uni due to failing exams (not attending lectures and committing myself as obviously $10 buyin online poker was far more important).

Use your time to your advantage. At your age you can still go to college/get a qualification and discover new hobbies and the opposite gender etc. Doing stuff like this that will benefit your future life/career will keep you interested in something and create a distraction from gambling.

As time passes, you can earn/save the money required to pay back loans and then it's a case of keeping yourself accountable.

Unlike me, time is on your side my friend - good luck

r99c wrote:

I'm in a very similar situation as you, except I'm 27 so you have 8 years on me.

I'm still in a fairly low paid job, having dropped out of uni due to failing exams (not attending lectures and committing myself as obviously $10 buyin online poker was far more important).

Use your time to your advantage. At your age you can still go to college/get a qualification and discover new hobbies and the opposite gender etc. Doing stuff like this that will benefit your future life/career will keep you interested in something and create a distraction from gambling.

As time passes, you can earn/save the money required to pay back loans and then it's a case of keeping yourself accountable.

Unlike me, time is on your side my friend - good luck

Time is on both your sides.

27 year old is young.

My friend is 87 yr old.. She passed her driving test at age 80. At 81 yr old she was at speed school yep she was speeding. Don't ever think time has lost and you got no chance. You have plenty of time to chase your dreams.

This will pass.
Life can get better.
Follow advice given by others here.
Bella xx