I logged onto here the other day to get things off my chest and saw that I was nearly 300 days clean, and it made me feel happy, because the last time I logged into here I had marked that I was one day clean and then relapsed and got myself into trouble..
But despite being proud of that acheivment, just lately I've been dying to gamble. I've been low for a few months now and I didn't know what was wrong until I walked past a casino and saw a poster of a roulette wheel with the ball on 0 and everything came flashing back.
It all started off with football bets, I then I moved onto online roulette which resulted in me losing £10 and trying to win it back got me into £1500 worth of debt. My bank paid me it back assuming it was fraud (even I think some of it was fraud) but st the time it did leave me to think that it was my fault for gambling. And when I lost that money, I prayed to God that if I was to get that money back, I would never gamble again. And I did and I've been gamble free ever since then.
But it's just been creeping up on me since that poster. It's on my mind constantly that I want to win some money. I want to play with £10/£20 but even I know myself I'd lose that and want to play with more and more yet it doesn't seem to put me off. I even downloaded a betting app last weekend and logged in and checked some football odds and then I managed to delete the app without making any bets. I was so close.
I'm trying to take my mind off it by doing other things but it's so hard. I'm trying to even help others out with my money rather than gambling it away so that I'm doing something good but instead it just makes me want to gamble it away just the same. Any advice out there? I want to make it to 400 days and not gamble for the rest of my life too but I'm so tempted 🙁
Write a list m with two columns: good things that gambling brought you during your gambling days and good things that not gambling has brought you. We all feel like this mate but you have to be strong. You can not control this addiction. You are right...£10 will lead to £100...to £1000. You're never going to make enough to stop, you'll just carry on. Even if you win you'll keep going back until it's gone. Remember that he casinos actually want people like us to win at first because we end up losing much more than if we'd just lost straight away.
Hi,
Sounds trite but can you get to a GA meeting ASAP? Or phone your sponsor? Or get a sponsor? However trite, if followed, it works.
Or call GC?
Are you suffering from selective memory, forgetting how bad things got and why you gave it up? Do you really need more losses to jog your memory?
Hope you stay safe.
CW
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