Hello everyone , just need some like minded people to speak to really . Iv always had a gambling issue it started with online slots I got myself into big credit card debt , I told my family everything , everyone supported me I stopped for 2 years and everything was great. Until I started playing online raffles / competition websites , although I wouldn’t say it affected me to start off with I wasn’t stupid with it, few quid here and there . Until I won a larger amount of money , then I started chucking more and more in . I ended up winning quite a huge sum, came just at the right time as we all as a family ( mom and step dad included) are moving 3 hours away . Everyone thinks I’m still sitting on loads of money but stupid me has poured it all back in apart from some that I have left . To say im disgusted with myself is an understatement, iv let my partner and children down massively , iv constantly got a lump in my throat and the worst anxiety imaginable everyone keeps saying how we don’t need to worry about finding work straight away and how we’ve got all this money to get set up straight away. My partner and family have no idea and I can’t bring myself to tell them . I’m not sure what I want to gain from writing this post, im well and truly scared , scared of my boyfriend leaving me ( I wouldn’t blame him iv really stuffed up and there’s no changing it ) I want to give the money to someone but I’m scared to tell anyone what iv done because of the disappointment il get off everyone . Every time I look at my kids I think of the things I could have done for them but instead decided to throw it all away . Really feel like I’m close to rock bottom and I don’t no where to go from hereÂ
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I'm really sorry to hear this, I do think you need to give away what you have left sooner rather than later, before you put yourself back into the loop of trying to win more, because having some left now is much better than not having a penny down the line. I'm not sure what your personal relationships are like but I would confide in the person you feel may offer the most understanding and support, they will also be able to help you in the decision of telling the rest of your family, and may even hold on to your finances until it is resolved. Coming forward and been open and honest I have found has been the biggest motivation for my recovery, you mentioned yourself after telling the truth you did two years which you should be very proud of. Yes you have relapsed, but with a different crook, it is our addictive personalities. I was gambling on slots, no other form of gambling has ever interested me, but it doesnt mean it wont if I try it.
You are going to go through some pain and guilt and repurcussions but it would be my advice to be open and honest now before it gets worse.
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good luck, thinking of you
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