A week ago, for the first time since Easter, I gambled and lost a massive amount of money (£5k) on blackjack, mostly online. I've accepted for about 18 months now that I have a problem (although I had never lost this much) but had been doing great and life was good. I've had a number of stresses, mainly work being horrendously dull but was excited to move in with my girlfriend. She knows I have a problem and basically gave me a second chance after my Easter incident.
at the start of December I was out for a mates bday, got very very drunk, and went along to the casino with everyone. I won a bit of money, got it straight to the bank cos I was embarrassed by it, and forgot about it. Then, 10 days later I got super drunk at work party and ended up going to the casino alone. I lost money and felt devastated going home because I had betrayed my girlfriend who had moved in 2 days later. The next day I was ok until I found out I had lost twice what I thought I had. Instead of going for a planned jog to clear my head I found a site I wasn't excluded from. I was up a few hundred but obvs ended losing another £900. After a sleepless night (lying next to my amazing gf) I panicked and gambled credit to chase the losses. I lost a £3000 that day before finally accepting what I had done.
for 18 months I have been getting close to clearing debts before something coming along like needing a new roof. When I lost money again all my plans (inc starting a family) seemed another year away and I totally panicked.
now I think I'm going to add a little to my mortgage to reset my finances at zero, allowing me to save for that rainy day/family. BUT, I can't work out how to stop thinking about what I've done and to get out of my head. My family and girlfriend deserve to see a happy me at Xmas but I can't escape the memories of what I've done. Anyone have any good tips to stop hating yourself?
through weeks , days and months losses get easier. Money can be replaced in time, partners/family are the important thing.I have'nt told my partner about my debt through gambling (mind you i've only being with her for 3 months and i can clear my debt in 4/5 months so she does'nt need to know and I don't really think this is lying.
Just concentrate on the future and when you mates invite you to casino again don't go (even if this means telling a few white lies)
I also can't tell my partner. I just don't really know how to get out of my own head. I can't stop thinking about it. I can get an affordable loan but feel like it's cheating. It's odd, but I feel like I should punish myself, when punishing myself also punishes everyone around me!
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
