Its hard to believe I havnt posted on this forum for over 6 years. I was involved a lot on another therapy forum but find it is no longer giving me what it used to.
Thankfully I havnt ressurected this thread and come back to Gamcare after a massive fall.
I appreciate the value, and the neccasity, of ongoing support, I dont know how often I will post on here but I hope going forward it isnt once every 6 and a half years.
The last time I gambled was a lottery ticket last January. Other than that I could say I'm over a year gambling free.
It has required a hell of a lot for me to stop. I gambled wreclessly for over 35 years, first attending GA in the early 80's.
In order for me to stop gambling I have had to make so many changes in my personal life. Looking back I see it all as quite pathetic.
I dont recall anything exciting when I look back at ny gambling years, quite the opposite actually. That said I came so very close to gambling between Christmas and New Year. I was quite shocked, the first real urge I'd had in 2017. I didnt gamble and now it has passed I'm actualy quite pleased it came.
I had been getting a bit complacent I think. For the last twelve months or so I havnt been getting all of my wages paid. My boss is aware of my addiction, so he holds my money.
Last year I started off with about £3000 worth of pressing debt. In addition to paying that off I have been able to buy, tax, and insurre a nice car (its a Merc), I was also able to save up £1000 three times over. Each £1000 was for a reason. so my savings never grew over that amount.
At Christmas I did have nearly a thousand pounds in my own account with very easy access, the urge hit me like a sledge hammer.
I can count on one hand the amount of times I've been able to fight off an urge. Recovery to me isn't about fighting urges. For me so far its about learning how to avoid them. Despite what we think when we are gambling urges dont just happen, we dont just find ourselves gambling because we cant help it. Everything happens for a reason.
I think urges happen as a result of not dealing with life's trials and tribulations, I do my utmost to go to bed each night with a clear concscience. I dont sit with problems however small. Not many problems cant be resolved, and the situations that cant be resolved are best to accept and move away from.
I had an unreslovable issue with another member of the other forum I used, thats why I'm hrere instead.
I've never read any posts on this forum yet, but am looking forward to doing so.
I wish you all , all the very best.
Geordie.
Maybe at the end of the day Geordie what you are confirming?
Is that at the end of the day. We cg's are after all just like everyone else i.e. just "humans", merely mortals. In reality if we have warmth, shelter, food and water we can still exist. The money we have lost is not significant. Although damaging others along the way is not excusable, despite our addiction.
As I think Diedre posted on here? Every cg's version of achieving "success" against their addiction is different.
I sincerely wish you the very best with trying to resolve your cg issue. You seemed to have already gone through quite a rocky road like most on here.
Gra 60
Thanks for the reply.
At the end of the day I am confirming that is possible to live without gambling, and without constantly battling urges, it is possible to take your life back.
Of course Cg's are just life everybody else and fundamentaly we can still exist like evert other person on the planet with the basics, warmth, shelter, food, and water.
Recovery to me is life. Not an existance.
When I was gambling, there are many situations I've put myself in that have left me without one or more of the things you mention, I've been cold, I've been destitute. I've starved and at times I barely existed at times.
During the 35 years I gambled, there were long periods whe I've wished myself dead because I was convinced I would never have a life, I was pitiful.
I would disagree that the money lost is not significant. The amounts of money lost are maybe not significant, but money has been a huge contributing factor to every bet I've ever placed, it has been a significant part. Part of the change in me has been to learn to accept money for what it is.
"It's only money" How manty times have we said that? Money I think can, at times, be a factor in the difference between existing and living. Money gives you the means to be able to secure warmth, shelter, food and clothes.
I would agree 100% that money does not define the problem, and I would also agree that money should never be used as a yardstick in assessing the severity of anybodys gambling problem. It is the same problem we all have to overcome. I dont believe that the severity of this problem is on a sliding scale. You either have it or you dont. If you are constantly living beyond your means because you gamble all your money, you have the same problem.
That's not to say I don't think gambling is proggresive. In my experience I would say it most definatley has been. I also think the lines tht we won't cross in order to allow ourselves to gamble become progressivley distant, We become more tolerent. In the same way the lies we might tell, become bigger, more fanciful, more pathetic.
What I think varies in us all is the rate of progression, again in my personal experience this has certainley been the case. In order to stop the progression I have had to change in almost every aspect of my life.
I think it is only right that people have their own idea of what success is against addiction. Some people are happy to go along fighting urges telling themselves it get's easier, just because thats not my way dosn't mean wht they're doing, is wrong..
Thanks again.
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