Hi Mixer - just checking in on 387. Thanks for highlighting the importance of the friends and family section. It would be easy for a CG to overlook the far-reaching and often catastrophic effects of gambling. It simply doesn't just effect the individual! Even when we tried to justify it - It remains on par with criminal activity; theft, ransom, blackmail, forgery, persecution and destruction. Lest we forget...
Checking in day 111 Gf.
Adam
Hello all, day 1 of being gf, hopefully the first of many
Hi mixer and all ,
Firstly bravo to mixer for starting this challenge the camaraderie and effort put into the challenge is on point.
Congratulations to mixer on a solid 100 days of abstinence.
If I may I would like to talk about the subject ‘relapse’
I’ve had a few as most have so I’ll talk to you through past knowledge.
Speaking hypothetically, imagine finding the right recovery path point a to point b. Point a being the gate to a muddy field point b being opposing side.
Most people will go straight through the middle of the field hoping to get to b as fast as possible. Only I told you the field is muddy so chances are you will become stuck and have to turn back to point a ‘relapse’.
Most people will keep heading to the Center of the field and wondering why they can’t get through. Unaware that all they have to do is chose a alternative route. 1+1 no matter how many times you calculate it will always come back as 2 .
So what I’m getting at for those that relapse is don’t keep doing what failed before find an alternative route. The field is full of failures but one route will see you out the other side.
Relapse is only a failure if you refuse to learn from why and adjust.
Relapses don’t happen by chance, a relapse will slowly talk you round .
With such things as I feel worthless. I hate my life.
I want to provide my family with all their desires.
I’m not going to be able to pay this months bills , maybe I could win a few pounds and everything will be alright.
More often than not people who can’t afford to gamble especially. will gamble and then have to borrow which will then put them in a worst position than when they started. So even if you find yourself hard up for cash sit it out eventually it will go down . A relapse will only add to the weight upon ones shoulders.
** GURU CHALLENGE - 12th WEEKLY ROLLCALL! ***
It's Sunday 19th November – time for our weekly rollcall!
Welcome everyone! Here we are, in the thick of Autumn; it’s gonna be a cold winter by all accounts, but no reason to gamble.
This week has been an interesting one where the subject of relapsing has been broached a few times. It’s a good topic, because most of us (including yours truly – many times) have been there. Josh280’s posts have been most instructive (thanks Josh, terrific contributions) that I recommend reading – one precedes this post, and I quoted another earlier in the week. Here, to me, is the ‘nuts’ of it:
Relapse is only a failure if you refuse to learn from why and adjust.
Relapses don’t happen by chance, a relapse will slowly talk you round.
That, in my eyes, is what a relapse is. We may – and have – had a blip. But so long as we remedy, to our best abilities, why we did it, then we have minimised the chance of a future blip. This doesn’t mean we are justifying a relapse before it happens. Our mindset should always be that we WILL NOT relapse. But , sometimes, they happen. We must never judge anyone who has a relapse. We know it could be us. We know this is a really nasty addiction. We must always be supportive, and also learn more about how we can improve our own gambling-free strategies from the journies of others.
One further point to add. It takes courage to admit a relapse, especially when you’ve chalked up a substantial number of gambling-free days. I salute anyone who does this. The truth is there may be a few of us here on the Challenge here who have relapsed but don’t want to admit it – and so are continuing to check in but with mixed feelings, because they don’t want to be in what might be perceived ‘the naughty corner’ on the Challenge Rollcall (it's not, actually!). Or, other personal reasons.
To anyone who has relapsed, I suggest this. Just drop a post. Tell us. We will support you. There’s no stigma. You will garner more respect, and self-respect, if you play it straight. Of course, it’s your choice. No one will ever judge you; this is always a personal journey.
This has made my think of another aspect. It’s a bit disheartening, when relapsing, to see your count plummet to 0 and start again as a Newbie, especially when you've chalked up a large GF total. I asked myself: don’t those days count for something? I think they do; they evidence previous resolve. Therefore, if you have reached a level in the past (e.g. Striver, Elder, Guru) then you never lose that assignation and it will appear after your name in brackets, to acknowledge this. You’ll see examples of this below. What do you think – please let me know; everyone’s opinion counts; we’re all part of the Challenge! (P.S. You might think it a little ‘convenient’ that I’ve introduced this change the very day I’ve reached Elder, but I’m sure you can see from the genesis of this idea and my general demeanor that I’m hardly here for personal glory.)
So, how’s it been this week.
WELCOME!
Veebee, Curled Web, Adamjamal2014-2017 and guestaccount have joined us – welcome aboard, we’ll monitor your progress for the first time next week! My first message to our new quartet - keep gambling free, one day at a time, till next Sunday at least!
ROLLCALL OF HONOUR!
Mixer – ‘tis me! I’m now an ELDER. Has it been easy? No, but I’ve stuck to it. My ‘secret’? To have my finances strictly controlled by my wife. I justify every penny I spend. How long will this strategy last? Forever, because I know what I’m like. I won’t pretend I have the best willpower in the world, if that’s what it takes, because my past proves that’s not enough. However, without the means, I simply cannot gamble. Nevertheless, I will continue to revise and improve my strategy - no complacency whatsoever. Thank you everyone for your kind words and best wishes – they are appreciated!
Geo – Congratulations for hitting 50 days; half-way to ELDER! If you can do one half of the journey there, you can do the other half. Keep going!
Our GURUs
Phil72 – 649 days – ROCKING! You’ve had the news that you’ve got a few more bills to pay before your debt repayment program completes. But, undaunted, you’ve accepted this and are pressing on for a few more months. Good man.
Changemylife – 387 days – ROCKING! Thank you for your post on my thread and glad you found my post about the effects of compulsive gambling on others useful. As you say, there are many facets to this insidious condition.
ELDERs
Degenerate – 236 days – ROCKING! Good to chat with you the other day in the Chatroom and, although watching the pennies, you know you’re on the right path.
ItMatters – 170 days – ROCKING! Thanks for checking in and you’re exactly right – living every day as it comes in a way that works for you.
Sars27 – 170 days – ROCKING! – Delighted to see you hitting 170 days. It’s not easy, but you’re digging deep and building more future resolve than you think! Keep it going Sars my man!!!
Rubybaby – 114 days - ROCKING! – Thank you for the check in, and great to hear you’re ‘rocking it’ – it’s the only way.
Mixer – 100 days - ROCKING!
STRIVERs
Amt722 – 94 – ROCKING! Keeping that abstinence going and, you’re right – there’s no undue pressure to hit any milestones. It's always one day at a time.
Raj – 92 – ROCKING! - Welcome back to the Challenge Raj. Thanks for checking in and good to see you’re keeping strong. Really pleased you’ve returned!
Chartom3 – 84 – ROCKING! Thanks for checking in and note your near wobble the other day, saved by your sensible precaution of putting good blocks in place. This is what it’s all about. Very, very pleased to read your post Chartom. If you put a good strategy in place, it will look after you during the tough times. Keep strong.
4D – 73 – ROCKING! Yessssss – checking in and with a double smiley as well, keep it going 4D.
Athena1991 – 66 – ROCKING! Great to see you checking in and living the good life; and that’s what we’re all about.
Adam808 – 47 days – ROCKING! It was good to read how the Chatroom has been helping you; it’s a great facility provided by Gamcare.
Xenedra – 53 days – ROCKING! - Haven’t heard from you for a little while but hope all’s well with you Xenedra!
Geo – 50 days – ROCKING! Thank you for checking in – hitting the bullseye!
Boxingdayfresh – 49 days – ROCKING! Checking in and rattling up a good GF total here. Resisting those urges, knowing one small bet could undo all your good work. There’s no need to let it happen.
Mitch91 - 49 days - ROCKING! – Delighted that you’re going to refunded bank charges wrongly debited to your account by the greedy bank to which you refer. I won’t name it here in full – it’s the H*lifax.
Paulll – 46 days - ROCKING! Thanks for checking in. And a good move realizing that mood swings, which we all have, can trigger gambling. So well anticipated. Keep building up those defences.
Velvet7 – 40 days – ROCKING! – No worries about checking in too often, once every 3 weeks or so is all I ask to keep in the challenge. The most important thing is to be gambling free.
Our NEWBIEs, and those of us with under 30 days cumulative gambling-free
Moorey – 28 – ROCKING! – It is not easy hitting Striver because it proves that you can cope with a monthly payday – the big test is when you’ve got means to gamble. Keep at it, get to Striver, and keep bolstering up your mid-term GF strategy.
Marson123 – 21- ROCKING! – Thank you for checking in and you’ve hit 21 days and heading towards the first crucial marker, 30 days. Let’s see your intent; let’s see the whites of your eyes, and hit STRIVER.
Christer1 – 20 – ROCKING! – Good; keep it going Christer. Let’s see you get to Striver again. Once bitten, twice shy of relapsing for the reasons that made you do so the first time round. Expecting better things!
Antics – 19 – ROCKING! – Thanks for checking in. Remember, will power isn’t enough; we get complacent and that overwhelms our best intents. So consider practical barriers to complement your resolve.
HowSoonIsNow1983 – 16 – ROCKING! – This is, as you’ve written, tough. No-one said it was easy. But do keep reading the diaries as you do and soliciting as much advice as you can. It will help your fledgling strategy.
HowDidIGetToThis (*ELDER status achieved*) – 14 – ROCKING! – Keep going HDIGTT; your previous ELDER status is noted. No-one can take that away from you, and you can do it again.
Slotfool - 10 – ROCKING – Thanks for checking in, and double figures indeed Slotfool. Let’s see you build up which you know you can do.
06/11/17 (Previously ‘Helpless‘& ‘Next Steps’) - 6 – RELAPSE Another relapse Adam, that’s four in a couple of months. Something isn’t working, Adam, and I know you’re clearly finding it tough. Why not join the Chatroom one evening, it’s a good place to talk things through.
Abstainer (*ELDER status achieved*) - 3 - RELAPSE – Your approach to your recent relapse has been exemplary, Stephen. You are regrouping, head held high.
RESTING
Ineffable – RESTED – Gonna have to rest you I’m afraid. We wish you well and you’re welcome to get back in touch anytime.
STATS FOR NERDS: We have ‘rested’ 1 member of the Challenge. 4 new members have joined us. Out of our existing members (inc. 1 returning member) we have 2 GURUs, 5 ELDERs, 12 STRIVERs and 9 NEWBIEs; a net total of 32.
Let’s keep strong; keep sharing and keep strong!
Mixer and Athena, your hosts for this challenge
P.S. Many of you have kindly enquired about my health. I had 2 X-rays and a scan on the 15th Nov; I'm awaiting the results. I remain philosophical!
Well done Elder Mixer!
Amazing time and effort going into this thread. Much appreciated.
Thanks Mixer, congratulations on Elder status.
Well done everyone
Thanks mixer yes im aiming for striver in nine days but still have to take each day as it comes. Went to London at wend it was nice not even to be thinking bout gambling. Good luck all in the week ahead
Mixer the Elder - yes that's got a ring to it.. A great source of inspiration, sympathy and encouragement.
Morning Mixer. Elder Mixer. Day 42 for me today. Very fraught at home atm, but keeping on keeping on. GL for those results Mixer.
Afternoon all
Checking in at 51, happy to have reached half a century! feels good!!
Morning all. Day 44, trying to check in a bit more frequently.
Day 58.
Going on a trip this weekend so won't have time to check in... All good here, still GF!
Checking in day 14. Have a good day all
Checking Day 54. Just had pay day today. Although I have made some small amount of savings since my last bet today feels gloom. My mind is playng tricks on me that if I gamble the bit I have saved I may be able to get all that I have lost back. I know this is a lie to suck me in again. I am keeping busy and hopefully meeting at GA this week will help ease this tension. I am keeping it going One Day At a Time.
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