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really struggling, put 50p in fruit mchine today just a bit of change but it resets my counter and was completely pointless. Even been thinking of trying to open a poker account up even tho i know i wont be able to. Feel like i need to gamble, thought about going in a bookies im self excluded from thinking they probably wouldnt recognise me and i could go on slots.....Back to day one tomo don't know why the urges are soo high at the minute......ill write in my diary tonight adam

i can but learn

Since ive been on this challenge there has been lots of people who signed up after me having relapse. However I do not recall anybody with more days than me relapsing.

Im not having a go at anyone hell I know how hard this is but please can we all do this together for ourselves and each other.

l

Since ive been on this challenge there has been lots of people who signed up after me having relapse. However I do not recall anybody with more days than me relapsing.

Im not having a ho at anyone hell I know how hard this is but please can we all do this together for ourselves and each other.

l

Hi, I'm at day one again. Just the way it is. I self excluded at this last nearby casino and gambled before hand. tara2

Hugs Tara, hopefully it will just make you a little bit stronger this time round by being honest and jumping back in the saddle has to be good solid foundations for kicking b**t with this little monster, keep fighting and stay strong x

Hi all!

I’ve just joined up with the challenge as I figure I need all the help that is out there. 30 days+ gf and counting. Feeling super strong at the moment.

To those relapsing and ‘resetting’ back to day 0. I’ve been there dozens (and dozens and dozens) of times, just keep plugging away. Keep positive. Don’t be too disheartened that it’s happened, use it as another layer of determination to get this soul destroying addiction out of your life, once and for all!

For the first time in my life I feel like I might just have this thing beaten but... I also know full well what a devious cunning creature it is. So yes I am feeling strong but won’t let myself get complacent. Always on my guard. I guess this is how life is going to be from now on, but I’d rather that a thousand times over than how it was before, with gambling slowly but surely sucking all my money and life out of me.

Ukds69 wrote:

For the first time in my life I feel like I might just have this thing beaten but... I also know full well what a devious cunning creature it is. So yes I am feeling strong but won’t let myself get complacent. Always on my guard. I guess this is how life is going to be from now on, but I’d rather that a thousand times over than how it was before, with gambling slowly but surely sucking all my money and life out of me.

What an amazing way of putting things, this really helped me today I think especially the part where you say 'but I’d rather that a thousand times over than how it was before' even though I am on day 34, every single flippin day is a battle, the temptation always lurking and ready to pounce. I love the way you put this down in words, wish I was clever enough to do that, sometimes I think of so many things but when I go to put them down in words they all come out so different to what was in my head lol.

What I am trying to say is thank you so much for sharing, you have helped me look at things in a bit more of a wonky way, coz the road to being gambling free is very wonky... if that even make sesne? x

Hello Tara and Adam, sorry you've had lapses. Adam, it's good that it was only a small amount and hopefully you can learn from previous lapses and not let it turn into a major loss. Tara, hopefully you've closed the last door on your gambling. Keep going both of you and keep posting on your diaries.

Take care

Deirdre
Forum Admin

Hey Angel,

Thanks for your kind words x

I’ve been trying to beat this horrible thing for years but looking back I didn’t have a cat’s chance of succeeding. One reason...I was always leaving that door ajar. Thinking I could (somehow or another) give it up for, say, a month, 3 months, a year then ‘reward’ myself with a small gamble at the end. Ultimately, that mindset was always my undoing and it took until 5 weeks ago for the penny to finally drop. So I can’t be that clever! 🙂

That final piece of the jigsaw was the pure 100% total acceptance that my life will now no longer involve gambling. Ever never. I’ll make no bones about it though, warped though it is on the face of it, I will miss it. It’s pretty sad to admit but it has been a friend. Always there when I’ve had a bad day, feeling stressed, feeling bored, feeling like I need some down time, feeling like I need life spicing up. A friend that could tend to my every whim and there 24/7. Of course, now, in the cold light of day, I can see this ‘friend’ for what they really are. Twisted, conniving and malevolent. Tuning into our vulnerabilities, they know us better we know ourselves. I lost count how many times I’d go on my iPad without a conscious thought of gambling and within seconds I’d somehow been steered towards a new gambling site and was fervently registering my details, ready to begin the cycle all over again. Some friend eh?

Me & you are just a couple of days apart in our GF quest Angel. Let’s both keep working hard to keep it like that! 🙂

Hey ukds and angel I am too on 35 days, sometimes I fly through the week then at some point I get some idea and have to battle with it, so I come here immediately and look at how many days I have stopped and think about the hangover if I do so.

Midweek Catchup! (Sorry I'm a day late)

It's really interesting reading how we're all getting on with our aim to continue a gamble-free life. I sometimes feel, and I honestly feel the same, that most days are on a knife-edge. I sometimes wonder if constantly thinking about gambling, as we do, is sometimes a bit of an obstacle to success, but I'd rather talk about it persoanlly than do it. Reading about relapses brings back the pain of what they've done to me and resolves me, actually. It's no consolation that those of us who have relapsed are going through pain, too.

Ive written before that I empathise with anyone who relapses, but I don't do sympathy - the "there, there, never mind" response. I think that's the wrong approach. No-can-do. But empathy is different, more "I'm genuinely sorry to hear you've gambled. Now, what are you doing about it? What went wrong with your strategy? What was the moment of weakness? Let's sort out what happened - now."

I believe we have to take a business-like approach to this, because otherwise we could go 'bust'. And that's no good at all.

JeffUtd - Bang on. A gambling hangover is similar to a drinking one. Regret, pain, hurt and just not good. Btw; I had a really bad hangover on Friday; I've substituted gambling for drinking. Now I'm working on this problem. Been dry since Friday. I'm realising that it's not just being more flush ... it's about being healthy, too. Hell, I've got a young son. Cannot be selfish! Anyways, enough of me, back to you - doing great on 35 days gambling-free. You're proving a point.

Caughtup - A good post, but I'll agree-to-disagree with one point: about "beating ourselves up". I think we should do a little actually. It shows we care. We have to feel the pain of it, because it will register the next time we're tempted. Doing great on 36 days, by the way - proving you can handle a payday!

Ukds69 - Welcome to the Challenge - great to have you on board! You've hit on a couple of very important realisations. One, leaving the door ajar is no good, and two - realising this has to be forever. This is a lifetime journey; we have to be gambling-free forever. But how satisfy to understand this. That you really don't have to put yourself through this misery ever again. This is a moment that can be very cathartic, actually.

Xangel11x - This is a real battle, Xangel11x, but together we can manage it, day by day. Being gambling free is very wonky indeed ... really know what you mean there! It's like wheeling a supermarkey trolley; it takes effort to keep it on track. But let's do just that and not knock down that stack of baked beans at the end of the aisle eh 🙂 ! And thank you for your kind comments re, my break to Butlins. Had a great time!

Tara2 - I'm genuinely sorry to hear you had a relapse Tara ... perhaps going to the casino wasn't the best move 😉 but no-ones judging here, we have all being there (I have, to my sadness, a few times). I suppose you're excluded from the place now. I would exclude from all others, really bolster your resolve. When we fall down, we get up stronger. Shoulders back and head head high ... right 🙂 !

Godoicul - You are doing great, my friend, with 159 days GF if my calculations are correct. Keep those focussed eyes of yours on the road ahead... you're doing just fine.

Adam123 - Your last few posts have read like a 'cry for help' that ended in an almost inevitable relapse. From wrestling with going to a poker night... to the coin(s) put in the slot machine ... but you know you've got to keep adding to those blocks. It's tougher with pub slots - difficult to block from them, they are everywhere and, unfortunately, there's nothing more it but an extra ounce of determination to keep away. Just member, mug punters fill up slots of the experts - the experts who are missing the extra income you'll be giving them. Keep trying Adam - and, as always, I appreciate your honesty. But do talk to loved ones, trusted friends ... tell 'em how you're feeling. Sharing how you're feeling is the way to go.

Boxingdayfresh - Welcome back to the Challenge and I always like to think that returning members have that extra bit of resolve. A veteran's approach! Let's see what's "in your locker" this time around BDF!

Serendipity - thank you for your check in and glad that you're on an even keel. That's all we're after in life - balance, rather than the sickening jolts of gambling [losses.....]

Wardal1979 - Great to see you're "back in the saddle". We have to keep trying and get better at this. And we really can.

JA72 - One day at a time, that's all we have to do. Not gamble today, and repeat. We have the freedom of choice to carry out this simple request not to waste our money. Because we never win. If we do win, it's only temporary, ebcause we give it back, and more. Every time.

Charton3 - I'm delighted to read your progress. Genuinely so. You've come back - better, wiser and you really do know how much this matters. A better life matters.

Markman - thank you for your kind comments. It was fun doing the old Challenge last year but I crumbled in the hard work it entailed and used that as an excuse to relapse and left the site for a while. Wow, how poor was that - but I won't do that again. Delighted to see you back and all resolved as we all, shoulder to shoulder, really go for this.

Stephen67 - I really understand how difficult this is and how, in the life you lead, how gambling has always been such a focus, but, also undertand you (painfully) realise you need to turn this around. My empathy overflows for you, Stephen. But never, ever be a stranger because we are all unconditonally here for you, as you have so often been for us.

Need a bit of inspiration? Try these ..!

It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping in a room with a mosquito.

When life puts you in a tough situation, don’t say 'Why me?', say 'Try me'.

The elevator to success is out of order. We have to use the stairs…one step at a time.

Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.

When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, close your eyes, hang on tight, and believe.

We made mistakes because life doesn’t come with instructions.

Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.

Keep smiling everyone!

Mixer

Well it was tough at times over this weekend, lots of urges brought on mainly by spare time and being on my own in and around pubs , note to self don't go in pubs on my own. Managed to not put any more than 50 P in machine gambling. Really wanted to chase and ruining my day count brought thoughts of other gambling avenues which are luckily blocked anyway. The only damage I can do is still In pub fruit machines and that was the first time I played one since 23rd December . Onwards I go day two today, and its muy birthday tomo

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Hey, you are really going for this Adam and hope you don't me being on 'your shoulder' here. It's because you care about this, that I care about this, too. Half-measures don't count - this journey has to be as 'all or nothing' as we can make it. I do feel for you in respect of fruit machines - there's no easy exclusion for them, as they're in virtually every pub in the land. But good to know you're with people whilst in the pub - if you've primed 'em about your weakness then they'll do their best to stop you approaching the demon slots. You're doing great mate. P.S. Have a great birthday tomorrow 🙂

Yes, Mixer there are few other further away casinos that I should ban myself at, casinos that I had visited in the past. Right not I have 6 self exclusions. tara2