Left with nothing, again...

Hi Julie,

I'm truly sorry to hear about the situation you're in. 

I know that feeling all too well. Please don't let the addiction win. Sign up to Gamstop now. I waited to do so when deep down I knew I should do it sooner rather than later, and I lost thousands more in the process. This is an addiction - you won't win! Even if you have won your money back before, you will lose it in the long run. Just keep reminding yourself of the awful feelings you are currently experiencing and that should be enough to never want to go there again. I know it's far from simple but you really are stronger than this even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment!

Not only do we let ourselves down when we gamble; we let those we love down too. I'm sure you can think of creative, free ways to spend time with your son this week. If you have to, get out a small payday loan but make sure you pay it back asap and whatever you do - don't use the money to gamble with! I've only suggested this if you are truly desperate but try not to if you can help it, as you really don't want to get into a destructive payday loan cycle. 

All the best - you really can beat this! 

Hi Julie. 

I have been gambling for 5 years compulsively. I am 35k in debt, and have lived off of thin air for so long. I too have been in your situation where I have gambled rent money, bill money, debt repayments,  and had nothing left to treat my kids, or even enough to buy a loaf of bread!  My mental health has been in a state for 4 years, and so many times I have considered ending it all. I understand the urges and I understand how you feel about wanting to win it back, but I can tell you now it only gets worse if you keep gambling. Your mindset is that of someone with a serious addiction, and I really urge you to Join Gamstop. I signed up for 5 years. You will never win it all back, and if you do it will only get lost again.  Now is the time to exclude and to make a plan with your finances and how you can help your situation. Keeping on gambling is going to cause the rent to be late again, and you having no money for your son again. This will play round on a loop until you have Nothing left physically, mentally,  emotionally, and financially. I am no saint I have only stopped gambling just under two weeks ago, but this half term with my kids was the first I’ve had money to take them out, and that high was better than any win. We can do this, you have got this! But please consider Gamstop. All the best 

Hi Julie

Im so sorry to hear your in this situation, I remember being there on many occasion and the desperation to just win something back. The thing is even if you get some more money and then gamble it there is no guarantee you'll win anything back. The only way to end this never ending cycle of hell is to stop completely. Cooling off will only delay the inevitable, we are compulsive gamblers and therefore there are no half measures -we either don't have a bet or we blow everything we have so the only way to stop this and build a better future is to join GameStop. If you stop now, a little bit of money is better then having nothing. Try not to beat yourself up which I know is hard but that will not help with the solution. In the meantime, maybe have a look at taking your son to the local park, take a picnic, have a kick about or a walk through the woods. Spending some quality time with your son doesn't have to involve lots of money. 

Also think about the long term if you only decide to put a cool off period on. It's inevitable that the situation is only going to go down hill. Do you want to be back here in a few months time because you are being evicted and will be homeless as this is where this path will eventually take you if you don't put some stops in place. 

The reason we are all here is because no one who is a compulsive gamblers wins, and even if we do it is very temporary  as we give it all back and more. 

Wishing you all the best. 

Bex

Thank you Liveinhope35 and anon1982, you have talked some sense in to me. I know what I have to do. Im dreading asking family to borrow money again but it will be the last time x

Hi Julie

Im glad our words have helped. I have lived the nightmare you are living right now so many times I wouldn't be able to count but I can reassure you if you stop, things will get better with time. 

Please, please register with Gamstop before you approach your family to borrow money. Make sure you have put enough blocks in place so that if you get money in your hands you do not have the access even if the temptation is there. 

Maybe use a very small amount to get some basic cake ingredients and do some baking with your son. Or something else that is very low cost that will put a smile on your son's face and give you some hope that things can get better with small changes. I think sometimes we have to go back to appreciating and enjoying the simple things in life. 

I hope all goes well tomorrow and will be keeping an eye out for an update. Please stay strong. 

Bex

Hi julie237.

Ive lived this so I know how you are feeling. I promise that you can do this with the right help and blocks. You must tell people close to you as there is no shame in admitting this horrible addiction got to you.

You have to stop gambling now. Its not an income scheme and its not a get it back later scheme. People get addicted to it because the dens want you addicted to it. 

Do you understand the odds of online slots? Compulsive gamblers delude themselves because they are addicted to the drug of playing. Every punter playing essentially thinks they are going to win a bit to tide them through. If that was actually happening the online companies would be out of business very fast.

You know the damage its caused you and you need a born again moment. I have savings now and you can aim for that. When the gambling stops your money will add up. You can gain but its through work or positive activities like buying and selling things on.

when you are open and honest there is help for you. Get some financial advice .

what really worries me is your comment what will you do if you are not able to play and win it back...like its some sort of financial income scheme you are taking part in. The odds are always well against you and they will take your money fast...thats why they create the sites to pay for their tropical holidays  and yacht insurance...they win every hour of every day because they get 25%+ of the take no matter what happens...do you understand that? 

You dont and the risk is all with you. I played the slots for decades and they should still be called one armed bandits because thats what they are. I know they are evil and you cant tell me there are any upsides to them as you would only have fed everything back in anyway. The odds on what you seek are one in thousands upwards.

If you stop now you can be thankful gambling didnt take you any lower because i can assure you its got new lows in store if you carry on.

Get help...phone gamcare tell your family and get some real blocks on with someone managing your cash.

Gambling is NOT the answer. You will find peace and serenity. The answers are within you to live a better life

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Hi Julie

How are you doing today?

Bex

Thank you, @joydivider for your reply and thanks anon1982. I have been in bed most of day, awake just not wanting to get up. I've been looking at getting counselling for my depression/anxiety and also this addiction, I've started thinking if I'm unable to gamble anymore will I get addicted to something else, it seems to run in my family, mental health/addictions etc, all the good stuff ?  A friend is taking me and my son to the cinema tomorrow so hopefully that might cheer us up a bit. Hope you're doing ok x

Hi Julie

Glad to hear you're okay even if that is just getting through the day. I can completely relate to this and despite being gamble free I still have days off where I lay in bed all day as I have no where to go and one one to see and it's sometimes my solution to the boredom. At one stage this is how I spent all my weekends when not working, now it's every now and then if I'm having an off day. One thing I have found helped is setting little goals for the day, even having a little list of things I want to get done or do. It may be something as simple as sitting down and watching a film with your son, baking a cake, going to the park, dusting and polishing the house, the list is endless but it does help me at the end of the day feel like I've achieved something even if it is a few little things. 

Im glad to hear you're seeing a friend tomorrow and getting out to the cinema. Something positive and to look forward to. 

Be kind to yourself and take each hour as they come and this will slowly add up to days gf when you will feel better in yourself.

sending a virtual hug.

Bex

Thank you, Bex, your posts have been comforting to read, I appreciate it 🙂  

I usually do make lists of things to do, but they're usually chores etc, nothing fun. Maybe I'll try adding something nice to do each day onto the lists. 

Julie x

Hi

I am equal to all people in the recovery no matter when they last gambled.

I did not know that when I walked in to the recovery that I was emotionally vulnerable.

Before my recovery I use to feel so weak so vulnerable so inadequate and so insecure.

For me the recovery program helped become a much healthier person.

I do not have to lie today, I do not have to live in fear today, I do not have to bury and suppress my pains today.

When I walked in to the recovery I did not know that I was a survivor.

The recovery program helped me help myself.

I did not walk in to the recovery for myself.

The recovery program helped me see what a complete waste of time and energy gambling was.

Every minute the recovery program has helped me became a person I am content with.

My time and energy is much more healthy today.

No more escaping, no more blaming the world for how I feel today.

Please keep going to meetings, you will benefit from it in so many ways.

Love and peace to every one.

Dave L

AKA

Dave of Beckenham

Posted by: julie237

Thank you, Bex, your posts have been comforting to read, I appreciate it 🙂  

I usually do make lists of things to do, but they're usually chores etc, nothing fun. Maybe I'll try adding something nice to do each day onto the lists. 

Julie x

Your welcome! How was the cinema trip today? 

I would definitely add nice things to the list so it’s not just about chores and things that need to be done but things you enjoy as well. Maybe get your son involved in the list too by asking him to help and add fun things. 

For him it could be making paper aeroplanes or helicopters and having a competition of whose goes the furthest. 

For you it could be reading a book for an hour, crotchetiness, drawing or making something? 

It is important to be kind to yourself and find little things that make you happy and most importantly, that keep your mind occupied and focused on something positive. 

Bex

Hi, 

The cinema was good, thanks 🙂 

I have been doing ok but today I got a new lease from my landlord saying the rent is going up by £50 a month, which doesn't sound like a lot but I'm currently not working ( hence the gambling problem, perhaps), and I'm already paying £50 a month myself on top of housing benefit. I'm going to have to apply for more housing benefit but I'm now worried about them asking for bank statements as they will see all of my gambling transactions, and they are pretty shocking ? x

Posted by: julie237

Thank you Liveinhope35 and anon1982, you have talked some sense in to me. I know what I have to do. Im dreading asking family to borrow money again but it will be the last time x

I absolutely understand as I have had to ask my family again  this month for money to pay my rent, bills, debts etc. I have also promised them and myself this is the last time, as m pride is shattered beyond repair. I am so determined this time to stop, I’ve never felt quite like this ,but also at the same time so low. You can do this and think of that feeling when you can treat your little one and have no worry in the back of your mind. You’ve got this