Been quite a while since i posted on here, but after successfully being clean for 2 and a half years i started playing roulette machines again, i think we all now what happens next.
Anyway since i last gambled my life has changed massively, ive met and fallen in love with the girl of my dreams and I've been blessed with two beautiful daughters.
My relapse has been going on for about 6 weeks now and everyday would be a losing battle trying not to gamble, my heart would be telling me no and to think of my family but I'd still end up in a bookies.
Yesterday i hit my rock bottom, after losing a lot of money in just 2 hours i decided that my only option was to kill myself, i brought a litre bottle of whisky downed it in 20 mins and was convinced this was my only option with no regards of the consequences!
My partner was frantically trying to contact me and something came over me which made me answer the phone and admit what I'd done.
Roll on a few hours later and after passing out from the alchohol i found myself lying in hospital with no memory of what I'd done.
This morning after talking to my partner i discovered that my family had treated her like dirt blaming her for the problem when she helps and understands me the most.
I've had to move out from living in our home to move back in with my parents until im sorted and all my debts are paid off, but the hardest thing for me today is knowing how much i hurt my partner abd that i wont get to live in the same home as my children until im straight.
My partner has agreed to take control of my finances and im determined to get all the help i need to prove to myself and to my wife and girls that i won't let this problem define me!
Today is the start of my new life.
Anybody else out there struggling with anything similar?
hi ste. i can totally relate to your post in the fact that i felt suicidal this week. i am so pleased that your partner loves you enough tol support you through this and your family too. im living in the same house as my now ex partner and he quite frankly couldnt give a d**n and infact goads me further jinto depression. its later than you would have liked as in ther fact u in debt again after recognising its again became a problem....but you got there. uv done it once u can do it again. i came back here after almost 2 years "clean" so i know exactly how u r feeling. keep posting and good luck with your recovery x
Thank you, well one week later and things are ok, I've had to move back into my parents whilst i pay off some debts and my partner is sticking around with me and giving me a second chance...thing is im not struggling with not gamblimg at the moment im struggling not living with my children full time, i know this is not permanent and i can move back in 5 months im just finding it difficult living with this guilt.
Still I've got to be grateful i didn't kill myself, going to start being more positive and living for what's beautiful in my life
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