Mood changes

i am suffering the same mate not had a bet for over 3 weeks and i am snapping at my girl freind for no reason i feel low and depressed can relate to what you have said alot there

Hi mate, I 100% become less sociable when I'm gambling, in particular if I've had a loss. I cannot be bothered to do anything with anyone.

This might sound crazy but think of all the negative vibes gambling gives off. That certainly will not help with social situations. My 14 or so years on and off with gambling I have certainly been better in social situations when I've been off the gambling. Focus on what's important to you - family, football, fitness (these are my 3) focus on them. Keep your mind healthy. Being happier might help your relationship too. I don't know. We all have our own problems. Im best man in a couple years and I'm already anxious about the speech!! Good luck mate

You've lost your comfort blanket and so are exposed.

Your social awkwardness, sometimes referred to as social anxiety, probably caused you to gamble.

The problem is you get in a downwards spiral of social anxiety. The more you reach for the comfort blanket, the more disconnected and de-skilled you become socially.

This makes you feel even more fearful in social settings.

Which makes you avoid them even more.....

Social anxiety is a spectrum issue. It affects all to some extent and can vary to different degrees in the same person - depending on where you are at. It's based on a fear of rejection/need for acceptance. We suffer because social relationships are in fact really important to us.

Here's the thing. There's nothing inherently wrong with you.

It helps to view social interaction as a skill which you need to develop. Just like driving a car or riding a bike. Or a sport or instrument you were skilled at - but haven't practiced for a while ( maybe you were never THAT good because you didn't practice properly -you can see where this is going ). You have to work at it - then the feeling of confidence will follow.

But don't wait to 'feel' confident. Act with confidence first, do it right now, and the feelings will probably follow. Even if they don't, your acting with confidence, in spite of anxiety, and thereby leading a richer and more fulfilling life.

Here are some tips I found useful:

-Practice making a good impression on yourself, not others

- Really listen to the other person rather than the chatter in your head. Focus on words and especially body language

- the spotlight is not on you. People do not view from your perspective

- verbal comms - maintain eye contact. Speak slowly and vary your pitch. Don't fear a pause

- share something about yourself. Opening up can be hard but Is very rewarding.

Bottom line, you need to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself in social situations. In psych speak it's called 'exposure'.

The psych term for what you've been doing is 'avoidance'.
Don't procrastinate or wait to feel good any longer. Act now...!

Hi Ojm.

I had to face up to life and some real humdingers but its all part of facing reality. I felt really exposed at first but is far better than hiding behind gambling. Hiding behing gambling was exactly what I had been doing.

I have had to face that I had been lonely for years, I had become reclusive and was enjoying that in a twisted way.

Didnt know who I wanted to meet and women were just seen as trouble which is an unhealthy feeling for someone that didnt really want to be a hermit

I was not liking people ...saw them as trouble so didnt want to meet them anyway...the false atmosphere in arcades and bookies wasnt really meeting people so that suited me fine

I liked my four walls and this had led to anxiety problems with anything I had to go and do...family events etc

I had not been doing enough to earn a living and probably in all reality didnt want to work.

It got deeper in that I have been a dreamer all my life...thought the world owed me a living in some way

I had been giving up on life in a major way, was past caring and even self destructing. Gambling was to punish me for having a low self esteem and standing in life.. I realise I was playing for the lows and the highs. The psychologists tell me and I learnt that the lows were as important as I was seeking emotions...any emotions from those d**n machines

So you are not alone there and I dont want to hide behind gambling anymore.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum