I just finished college 5 years ago when it all started. I was given money by my brother for a professional examination and I gambled. 1 minute I was ahead, and then I got greedy and lost it all away. Then the loss chasing began.
Fast forward to last year, I gambled 200E and won xxxx, only for the losing streak to start. I wanted to go back to at least the xxxx I had won earlier, and I wanted to do it fast. So I staked even higher and ended up losing everything. What transpired after? I wanted to at least get my xxx back, so I went back to stake, only to lose and lose. I ended up losing upto 3000E.
I quit after the above, I stopped chasing these loses, I was broke and I couldn't tell anyone. I self excluded and I stopped for good.
Fast forward to March 2022, I started again. I lost my galaxy buds, and buying another will affect my budgeted savings, so I thought why not gamble my 100E for 2 odd?. I lost it and the loss chasing started again, I won upto xxxx and lost it all again, then I lost all xxxx of my savings. I was broke, devastated, I started borrowing, taking little loans to recover these losses, but I lost them all. I self excluded and decided to build my life again.
But, I have no savings, I have lost so much my friends are doing much better. We work together, they have utilized their money well, I have gambled all of mine away. I couldn't tell anyone, I had nothing but debt to repay.
Fast forward to September 2022, I decided to try my luck again. This time I won't get greedy I told myself, I will just take my first winning and leave? "But what if I lost my first stake?" well I didn't think of that. I gambled and lost, gambled again and won xxxx. If I stop now I will have savings and I can start building my life again, but no I wanted to win 9k (by so doing, I would have recovered all I have lost from gambling and I can easily move on). I lost all the xxxx and 1000E of my own money chasing losses again. By now I have lost more 10,000E over time gambling.
Fast forward to Sept 30th 2022, I went back with 200E, I can't accept to start all over again. I can't start from the scratch, not AGAIN. I gambled and I won xxxx, and then lost till it was 2000E, I staked the entire xxx on 6.8 odds. I won xxxx. I cashed out and now I have xxx with me. I should move on, I have recovered all I have lost over time, but I want to go back, I want to win a little more. I have staked 80E already and I lost it all, and now I want to win back my 80E so I could call it quit again. But I know if I go back, the same circle will continue.
I need to stop for good, especially now that I am ahead, but the urge to go back and gamble is here. I should stop, I need to, I should stop forever, I have to.
This was a the trouble with it, it's never enough you do need to self exclude and take the money and run or it will all go again. I'm at a point where I'm not in too deep and I know if I quit now I'll be ok, I can't get back savings I used but it wasn't as much as you and with some extra shifts at work it's perfectly doable. I don't think it's about the money, we could win a million and still gamble it's the actual gambling the ups and downs. If you read others stories many have been in your position and if they could go back and stop themselves at the point they were up they would, this will go one way ultimately you sound like you know this and well done for writing on here.
The delusion is that it's never about the money and it's all about what being in action does to you emotionally. If it was about money you would have control over your actions and not keep changing the goalposts. Greed is just a smokescreen for staying in action.
Separating the truth from the lies with addiction is a fundamental part of recovery.
You can't win if you can't stop!
Best wishes.
This is basically what I am going through right now, I've lost everything with loans to pay, and I don't even know where to begin (again)
@lainey23 thank you so much for your insight..
I still get the urge to go in and gamble again. It's so freaking tempting and I sometimes feel my like quiver whenever the idea of gambling comes back to me again.
I have not gambled since my last post and I am now 5days clean. I am determined to beat this and to never gamble again. I can never win because I can never stop.
So I have to STOP, I need to and I want to.
@walliss77 very true. I agree with you. I think it's all the dopamine rush and all that comes with it. But I am so tired, the losing, the winning, the time wasted, the opportunity lost, the sadness, the chasing losses, the sleepless nights, the lack of focus on things that matter.
I can't win cause I can't stop. So I have to quit, I need to and I want to.
@beefychieff Let it go, it's so hard, I know. But the longer you keep chasing losses, the bigger the losses.. The time wasted and the feeling of emptiness is just not worth it.
Please stop, you have it in you. You can, get all the help you can and stay determined. We can do this, we have to and we need. We can never win because we can't stop playing.
After several days off, I released so bad and lost my entire savings. I am back to zero with no savings but atleast no debt. I have to move on, How do I move on after losing so much.
I need help, the urge to go over it again and chase those losses is overwhelming. I was doing so well then suddenly I thought to gamble a little, now I have lost everything. I was supposed to use these funds for my masters abroad next year, now I have NOTHING. Dreams possibly shattered.
@ajj no debt no problems, all you can do is save again, and keep your head held high! Never believe that your dreams are shattered, there's still time and still money to be earnt. You've got to stay strong and fight those feelings and urges. I wish you all the best
@beefychieff Thank you for your positive words. I really appreciate it.
This is destroying me, one minute I think I have control and the next I absolutely do not. It's too fresh to move pass all the losses, I need to let go and move on.
Oh there is no turning back the clock, I so wish I can... I need to look back to think forward. I have f****d up my entire plans
@ajj there is always light at the 3nd of the tunnel, and you've got to keeo walking through the sludge to get out. It may have destroyed you at this moment in time, but it won't last forever if you keep trying to fix it.
@ajj if you come to realise and accept that you do not have control of your gambling, and that you never will, the only real solution is total abstinence.
What have you done or what can you do to help yourself in the future?
Chris.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
