Been gambling now for just over 5 years, got to a point now where I’ve lost every penny I had, ended up taking numerous payday loans, borrowed money from family & now at the point where I’ve ended up in an insolvency trust deed.
I have a partner, been with her for 3 years, we have a son together & I have three other children from another marriage. They don’t know it but I’m ruining their lives with gambling.
I can’t walk past a bookie shop without going in, I’ve self-excluded myself from nearly every betting / casino site that you can think of but I always seem to find another one.
I have a well-paid job but every spare penny I have gambling – it’s a living nightmare & I can honestly feel it affecting my health.
I want nothing more than to sit my partner down & explain everything to her but I’m to scared encase I’m shown the door, which I’d deserve.
I’ve lied to her for the 3 years we’ve been together & she doesn’t deserve it
I joined this myself yesterday! I've been gambling for many years and it has ruined my life! I've had very well paid jobs before and have not seen the money because of it! I have a two year old son now and am desperate to turn my life around for him but its so hard! I hope you find the help you need, hope we both do!
Hi Boyo,
Your story is very similar to many (including my own). 5 Years must feel like a long time but in many senses it is early days and you still have time to get out. The best thing that you can do (but the hardest for many) is to stop thinking that gambling will ever be a quick fix. You are not going to win enough to make things right and even if you had a big win it would just spur you on and make you think you could win more - but you won't. Ultimately you will lose and that is the key.
For me - things spiralled really quickly and I blew a huge amount in months - but as soon as I was able to accept that the money was gone and wasn't coming back, I regained a sense of perspective and so far (3 weeks in) I have no urge to try to win it back or to try to make it right by gambling. I will make things right again but I will do it the slow-hard working way. It will take a long time but it will be worth it.
I told my partner everything 3 weeks ago and whilst there was obviously a lot of questions and disbelief at what I'd done - I can honestly say that it was the best decision I had made in a long time.
Along with the new-found sense of "what the hell was I thinking?!" I also now have the reinforcement of knowing that with even one slip up I will be found out and that means I am confident I won't go back.
I would encourage you to share and to tell your partner - but I know that you'll do to do so when you're ready.
Have faith in those around you - you have not been doing this with an intention to hurt anyone - and whilst others will get hurt in the process it is better to confront that as soon as you can to give you and those around yourself the chance to deal with it and heal going forwards. I think I and many of the people here spent a long time refusing to accept help from others - but try to think how you would react if someone you loved and cared about told you that they had done this. You wouldn't scream at them and say that they were inherently “bad”. You wouldn't hate them for what they'd done. Yes, you'd be annoyed, upset and angry but most people would realise that this is something that you are dealing with too. No one wants to get to this position. No one wants to waste all their money on this nonsense. No one wants to be unwell because of the stress this causes. Yes, you are responsible but this end position was not your intention.
Having said all of that you do need to face this and show that you are doing everything and anything you can to resolve it and not go back. The best way to make amends is to change your behaviour, get help and above all else demonstrate that you want your life to be different.
You have been given very good advice in previous threads. If you want to stop rather than just stop losing maybe now is the time to act on it?
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