Hi all,
I have previously been in touch with gambling help services
I had received over the Phone consultation previously around 2 years ago.
I got my gambling under control but I have issues again.
I've opened up to my partner and told her about it and she has reacted very negatively thinking I don't want a future with her when nothing can be further from the truth. She has said that she doesn't think she can do this anymore, she feels betrayed and doesn't know why I didn't mention anything soon she feels as though I've been sky and sneaky and I'm in pieces. I've broke her heart and I never wanted to do that
I was living at my partner's parents house with her and we were suppose to be saving money to clear debts so we could get our own home. The day after I told my partner she told me to go to my mams. I returned to her parents a day later and she had packed up all my belongings.
I pay by bills each month but I waste any spare money which I should of been putting in to paying of my already existing debt quicker but I kept thinking if I got a big win it would clear it.
I'm in around £13,000 of debt in total because of various decisions in life but a large chunk is from gambling.
I work full time Monday to Friday
I just can't control myself. I'm not a stupid person but this issue is there.
I block myself from a site but just find another one to gamble on, I set limits but find myself removing them.
I need some help and advice on what to do and how to go for from this.
I've not opened up to anyone about it previously apart from when wanting help from gamcare and counselling services. I have hidden it from family and friends for years.
I've told my partner, sister, mam, and 4 of my closest friends
I have been referred to a face to face councillor this time and I intend in going to a local GA meeting tomorrow after work.
My sister is going to take control of my finances for me and give me an allowance.
I want to do things right for me and right by my partner. I thought she would help be through the emotional struggle, but she feel betrayed.
Does anyone have any advice please?
Welcome, Browell2664!
I might be wrong in thinking, but it sounds to me she wanted a way out of this relationship and took the opportunity. I am yet to read a story here about a partner who so quickly packed the gambler’s bags without a second thought. Again, I might be wrong.
Saving your relationship is not your priority right now, but focusing on the positive steps you’ve taken to address your addiction. This is your battle not hers and if she chooses to stay out of it, so be it. There is a lot of support for partners out there and should she decide to seek such that’s more than wonderful. However, no one can force a gambler to reach out for help same goes for partners.
Wish you best of luck!
Nicenormalfamily wrote:
Welcome, Browell2664!
I might be wrong in thinking, but it sounds to me she wanted a way out of this relationship and took the opportunity. I am yet to read a story here about a partner who so quickly packed the gambler’s bags without a second thought. Again, I might be wrong.
Saving your relationship is not your priority right now, but focusing on the positive steps you’ve taken to address your addiction. This is your battle not hers and if she chooses to stay out of it, so be it. There is a lot of support for partners out there and should she decide to seek such that’s more than wonderful. However, no one can force a gambler to reach out for help same goes for partners.
Wish you best of luck!
Thanks for the response, ive just been to see her and she's called it off.
I've selfishly asked her to look on here for guidance and if shell still support me. She's said she'll ask how things are going with help and o said hopefully I can regain her trust
I would advise your focus is on stopping gambling. You need to focus on you and getting the help you need to move forwards. You say you got your gambling "under control" i wonder if that means you stopped cold turkey or just gambled less?
You have already made some very good steps towards cutting gambling out of your life. And it does need to be totally. Im sure you have a good idea of the kind of measures you need to put in place from the last time you did. We are never cured of this problem but we can learn to control it and not place that first bet. There is blocking software available that can block gambling sites on all devices (K9 and gamban to name a couple of the popular ones). Its about making that first bet as hard as possible while you have this clarity of knowing you have to stop. Once again there is counselling support out there to help you. Give gamcare a call and talk to them. You need to find out what need gambling fills in your life and try work on improving that. It always feels like money is the big issue but debt is just a result of our need to gamble.
The money has gone and if you carry on more of it will be added to the pile. There isn't a good financial end to a compulsive gamblers journey (because we don't stop reguardless of the results). Its about accepting it and working out a plan to live around paying it off at the speed we can afford.
As for your partner her choices are hers to make. If she wants to stay and work things out then there is support (GamAnon) for partners of gamblers and she can get help to deal with living with someone with a problem. Partners of CG's also use this site and we get to hear about both sides of this issue.
This forum offers great support. There are many good people that will offer you help and advice to get throught this. Stick around and put your thoughts down when you need to and people will tell you whats working for them and things you can try.
All the best.
Have an update.
I've moved back into my mams which have given a me a big knock back mentally. I've not slept to well, knowing that I've hurt someone I love because of my addiction.
My sister is going with me tonight to a local GA meeting and I'm hoping that will help me understand on another level about my addiction
My sister has also sat down with my finances and highlighted that in not in a massive hole and I can get those in a better place relatively easily. She works in the credit industry so she has helped me with that. She's also taken control of my debit card and is going to give me an allowance.
I have a consolidation loan coming in today which will pay off all but 1 credit card and I'm going to get them cancelled at the same time. I'm also going to order a new debit card (then give it to my sister) so I don't know the details in the card. So I cannot put anything in online or access saves firm data if I'm tempted to gamble
My gambling stopped previously completely cold turkey when I was talking to a professional about the issues. I'm hoping talking to peers will help too.
I'm in a pretty low place, my family are being as supportive as they can but they're coming to terms with this for the first time and know I've hurt my ex partner.
My ex partner wants to know how tonight goes so she is trying to be supportive too but I know that it's a really big challenge for her
I downloaded Gamban for my phone but it wouldn't work so I've emailed off about support with that.
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