No Regrets

Hi. Like a lot of the things we need to do to aid our recovery, there are no magic buttons to press or wands to wave. I would imagine even those who escape the gambling curse have regrets whether it is about wasted money, time, relationships etc but I think most people realise drawing a line under them is a big part of the recovery process.

Maybe you need to admit to yourself you made a mistake, like we all do, but that you will do everything you can to make sure you never put yourself through it again. Dwelling on what you have lost is only more likely to make you turn back to gambling for "easy" money and comfort. You need to make peace with yourself.

gingermotty, I don't think there is a way, you just learn how to deal with them. Have you considered counselling? The professionals may be able to assist with why you do this & help you let things go!

18 years ago, I had an unfortunate incident in front of an experienced worker who I only now see from time to time...He greets me now by saying "No, I can't remember!" It would be water under the bridge except for me never letting it go!

My mother is always telling me "It's no good regretting the things you could have changed but didn't bother!" She's right of course, but it doesn't make it easier. I am ashamed that I gambled & I am ashamed @ what I allowed myself to become but now I have 2 choices, I carry on gambling or I stay in recovery. If I gamble, I am sad, manipulative, out of control & a general mess. In recovery, I am honest, & me with the most shameful regrets! I can't change what I was but I can change who I am now. I feel better living with these regrets than I did existing & doing something that made me forget them because it was only ever a temporary 'escape' & bought far more troubles than those I was running away from.

As DeLorean says, you have to fight to not give yourself anything to regret in the future! Knocking your brother off of his bike & kneeing him in the head are childhood 'games' that I assume have had no devastating consequences. Gambling ruins lives & only you have the power to change you - ODAAT

Thanks for the posts guys. I know it's going to get easier as time goes on, and it will serve as a good reminder that my brain may always be a bit messed up when it comes to this. It was just such a big loss I guess it will take longer than previously for my brain to calm down. Weird trying to budget when you lose 2 months salary in 3 days!

Hi gingermotty,

Thank you for your post on my recovery diary.

Glad that my last post helped you. It certainly helped me to understand a bit more about this horrible addiction and what it does to us. There is an awful lot to learn from the damage we do to ourselves by gambling, and I have found from my own experiences that it is fairly easy to stop gambling. But it is the 'staying stopped' where I always fell down.

I, like you, have regrets from the past. But I have learned to look to the future more that ever now that I have clarity of thought. You cannot change the past, but you can shape the future. I hope that you *** this chance with both hands to move away from gambling as you approach your thirtieth birthday.

Keep strong

Ade

P.s: Do you have a recovery diary?

It's hard to think straight when you first stop. It's like slamming the brakes on and everything is sent flying.

Hopefully once your head clears you can approach your situation better.

Hi Ade, thanks for your comment. I dont have a recovery diary at the moment, im not very good at coming here consistently, but am a part of the 2015 challenge and will be writing some thoughts there from time to time.

I did have a small breakthrough yesterday when talking to a friend about general things in life, and some things im thinking of this year (starting a family etc.) and mentioned i had debt through something as stupid as gambling and i would have to take a £10k loan against my house to restart my financial life. He immediately talked about all his debts from starting a business and family and stuff. The reason i mention it is that i always feel a sense of shame from my debt (as i should) and am embarrassed by it, but to other people its just something that happens, debt is debt, how it arrived doesnt matter to them. I guess what i mean is that the shame and humiliation isnt displayed by others looking in, and somehow that made me feel like the sense of despair and dread was less important than i make it out to be.

I know that is probably very confusing writing, but i feel just as determined to never gamble again, but less worried about what others think of me.

I think most people have problems they struggle to talk about. Most people have debts and how they accumulated them isn't really the issue. I would try to stop being so hard on yourself. It doesn't matter what other people think. No one leads a blameless existence. OK you - like a lot us on there - have got yourself into a negative situation but you are trying to do something about it so embrace that positive instead.

Thanks DeLorean, I think that is finally becoming clear to me. And as time goes on everything will get easier. Thanks for support, good luck to us all

Or rather, here's to good sense and good decision making

Its hard to love ourselves somedays. It is true that we are our worst critics. You are not alone gingermotty. When I get to down or depressed, I like to think of my friend who recovered from cancer and all her friends that were in the same boat. For some reason, people who have had a second chance in life really know how to live. Those are the people I like to focus on, that help me when I feel down.

Sorry to ramble, but your post made me think of that when you talked about not being happy. Plus blackjack was my poison as well.

I wish you all the best. Please let me know if I can help.

Regards,

AM

Regret and guilt are the hardest parts for me! It's this which makes me tempted to try again, because one win would kill this awful feeling!!

Regret and guilt are the hardest parts for me! It's this which makes me tempted to try again, because one win would kill this awful feeling!!

One big win would not kill that awful feeling it would fuel you to do even more things you will regret & feel shameful about. You are believing a lie! A big pot of money is not the solution to how you feel. Let it go

I keep telling myself if I won back what I lost, and that's very achievable, I wouldn't do it again and Id learn the lesson. I can't risk losing any more money though so I'll never let myself try.