Where do I start. Decided to gamble this evening and really don't know why I did. I ended up losing £1100 of money that I've worked really hard to earn playing online roulette. I deposited £50, then £100, then £300, then another £300 before finally depositing another £350. Been doing 100 plus hours of overtime this month to try and clear debt then I go and do this and lose in an hour what it took me a month to gather up. Really disappointed in myself (ashamed would be a better word). Feel totally exhausted by what I've done. What the hell is wrong with me. I told my partner as I don't believe pretending all is ok is right. I'm really reaching breaking point here. My life needs to change now before I lose family/money/my life. Tomorrow is back to day 1 again. Will I ever break this cycle? I hate myself at the moment and I hate what I have become.
Chin up my friend your in the right place and you have done the right thing by telling your girlfriend. I have been asking myself the same question , why do I keep doing this to myself in beggining to think my problem is not gambling but something else like a mental illness so I am seeking. The help of a councillor to try and get to the bottom of Y, I wish you the very best of luck in your quest for a gamble free life
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Thanks Ste26. I really hate what roulette has made me into. I'm really weak. I go a few days and don't play, start to feel good about things and then manage to self destruct again. I am in a viscious circle. I end up chasing and lose more and more. I have a good job and should be on a pigs back but because of gambling I struggle financially to make it through the month. I am pathetic.
​your not pathetic your just poorly and you can get better if you want, its just going to take a lot of time and a lot of effort
i came off the wagon to after nearly 100 days of been free from slot machines. Day 1 over with and hopefully many more gambling free days to go!! My advice is to read as many as the posts you can, read the posts and log on to gamcare before entering the bookies. Don't be to hard on yourself either and its hard to accept that yove lost that money and its gone BUT don't try and get it back cos its impossible. Good luck Huskydawg, your not alone ((-:
You need to think what you can do next time to make sure you do all you can to avoid this situation again. Firstly you should never have access to that kind of money in your vulnerable state. If you really want to break the negative cycle anyway. Could you partner not manage it for you? I know it sounds demeaning to have over your finances but you have to make difficult steps if you want to stop for good.
I realise I can't go on like this anymore. Everything is being affected by this horrible addiction. I'm finding it very hard to be positive at the moment but I need to draw a line under things otherwise I will never be able to move on. I feel a mixture of anger, frustration, resentment and embarrassment at the moment. On the plus side is that I want to beat this and recognise the issues I have. I've tried and failed to stay on the wagon before but I go again. It's the start of a new month and with a bit of resolve and determination could be the start of me reclaiming my life. I've got to stay positive as the alternative is misery and despair. Day 1 here we go!
Thanks David.
It'll take a lot of soul searching and advice to break this habit but it's good to hear from others who have been there and saw the light. I've started a recovery Diary to keep focused on what's important. £9000 debt isn't insurmountable but not controlled it could be!
Hi Husky. I felt myself nodding through when I was reading your posts. I have followed the exact same feelings and emotions in the last number if weeks and months when I have gone on the gamble train again. Give all your passwords and log in details to your better half. It is the only way. It is awful. I know the urges, but this must all come to an end....
DAY 2
Slept a bit better last night but still awoke with the same dull ache I've had when I've gambled to excess. It's fair to say I feel awful at the moment. I'm really annoyed with myself as I had potentially given myself a good head start on the recovery path, only to completely derail it with an hour of 'frenzied gambling!' I feel sick thinking about what I've lost recently and over the years. I should be living comfortably with a healthy bank balance but because of my addiction I've ended up scrimping to get by every month. Why do I put myself through it? Experience has told me that I will never be a winner at gambling yet I still religiously pumped my money into FOBT's or transferred money online to play roulette. I've been on a slippery slope for a long time and I've had some huge losses but luckily I have only £9000 in debts. I say luckily because it could be so much more! I don't think I will feel complete as a person until I have successfully paid that debt off and maybe I need that debt hanging over me to finally break this habit. I shouldn't be in the position I'm in, but I'm the only one who can truly get myself out of this hole that I've dug for myself. I really hate what I've become as a result of gambling. I need to remember where I've been and ensure that my life from now on moves in a more positive and constructive direction. Here is hoping!
Marlatt uses the acronym SOBER to instruct patients on how to deal with a slip or fight off the urge to do so. The Sstands for stop: pause for a moment and consider what you are doing. O means observe: think about what you are sensing, feeling and experiencing, and what events led to the situation. B is for breathe: take a few deep breaths. Then, expand your awareness and remind yourself of what will happen if you keep repeating the unwanted behavior and how you will feel afterward. Rstands for respond mindfully: remember that you have a choice, that you are not powerless, and that you don't have to continue the undesired behavior.
Sorry to hear this mate. I also fell off the wagon at the weekend albeit only lost about £20 in total. Am still annoyed with myself for not having the discipline to stay away from it for under a week and with the fact that I'm having to watch every penny I spend for the next 3 weeks after my big losses over the last 2 bank holiday weekends. It is ridiculous the situations gamblers put themselves in. It defies all logic.
DAY 3
I realise now that gambling was a form of escapism for me. I used it as a crutch when things in my day to day life weren't going to plan. It made me selfish and think only of myself. It's only day 3 but something has changed this time around. I want to prove to myself and everyone else that I am a better person than the shadow that gambling had made me. This is no longer a case of just wanting to change.....I need to change.
DAY 4
Gambling sobriety has made me see how stupid I've been. Working long hours and blowing all my hard toil in minutes of frenzied roulette playing. Doing £100 plus spins and just randomly pressing numbers on the roulette wheel. No skill involved just pure luck. No wonder I am £9000 in debt. I have been such an idiot.
Day 5
I think being accountable to this forum is helping to keep me focused on my goals. Too often previous attempts to quit gambling were derailed because I lost track of how bad gambling was affecting my life. This time the raw feelings seem to be firmly embedded in my memory and I can't think of anything worse right now than playing those evil machines. It'll be a long road with no turning but if I manage to break the cycle I realise I will have won my biggest battle.
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