I just like to say i'm not shifting the blame on someone apart from myself. its just the fact this addiction is not taken serious compare to drink and drug.... and i never took it serious unitl a month ago but i still carried on until ive finally ran out of options(money, support, buzz)
I'm 30 years, hit rock bottom. i never knew how easy my life was and what i had. but every CG knows greed is the down fall of our addiction the nature of the addiction is the fact we can hide it without anyone knowing it. until one day you get caught or you ran out of ways to get your hands on money. until recently i never knew how great my life was in the last 4 and half years. i had everything i decent job, nice car a house with a small amount of mortagage on it(for a 25 years old), a family who trust me and friends that backed me up on everything. a education, etc... but bit by bit i threw it all away.... it doesn't matter what i gambled on it all ended up on the FOBT machine. i can win on horses (follow the form), football(following the result and league position), lottery(with luck). but with the FOBT its a looser game because the bottom line is your a looser. im not saying football ain't addictive or you can loose alot of money, with footy/horses/etc you have time to rest/think what to do next. i dont if its only me but i haven't ever chased a gambling product like i did with the FOBT,as soon as you put £1 in saying your only going to play a fiver, next min your standing outside this one cash machine (nearest to the bookmakers) same machine with a different person in front of you, you withdraw run back to the bookie praying no ones jumped on your machine, back outside in front of this cashmachine with another person in front of you, you getting angry because they are taking too long. your turn withdraw again. after a 30-60mins of running inside and out your £1000 down. but how? i put a pound coin in this... telling myself i won't do that again or im on top of the world when im like £150 with 5mins playing. coming home full of guilt of what ive done. waking up the next day really P****d off. knowing that im full of s**t but carrying on as normal because im going to gamble my way out of this one. what the hell is going on in my head and yet im loosing thousands.
you hidding it away from everyone but just like drink and drugs it catches up on you. when you use your friend so you can borrow money off them lie and decieve them. family aswell you lie and decieve your family when your broke and need the money... and ill be honest if my family wont give me the money for the so call train fare, or need a new iphone charger, bus fare, borrow unitl payday(but when payday comes you dont care about the debt. wages are gone within 20mins of you walking out of your house) you get angry but why? how is it there fault your a t**t, from a £27,500 per year job your reduced to a £6.50 per hour job but still thats better then Jobseekers allowance. but then after 3 years you can't do it anymore because your broke and there no point going to work all week and have no money for the next 7 days.. im so lucky unlike some people even though they live with family they have to pay rent. i have never paid for any electric/gas//rent.etc at home every single penny i earn is mine. what a k**b.
i have the best life........rewind 2010: i got indtroduce to footy betting yeah i won £5000 here £2500 there was over 25k up but that took over me and i couldn't stop winning my work started to go down hill because why do i need to 9 hours a day for £27500 before tax and n.i when i can be hitting £50000 per year tax free. and i was lucky. as i handed my notice at work because my manager told me to fix up in regards to work and i was arrogant and said im leaving. i found another job straight away like within 2 days maybe S****y pay working weekends (retail) but i was surviving..
and then you see your self as untouchable started playing the machine won abit, start loosing loads again after again. im begining to be broke every day borrowed about at least £50000 for two of my mates. i defaulted with them.. well when you default with people that care for. they just give up with you its not like the bank or loan shark where the demand there money off you. these people have washed there hands with you.. sold the car because you need the money told a lie to family like the car was giving me problem. so i sold it.(didn't told them i gambled the money away), its ok i can still get to work n a bus...by 2013 im already in £170,000 and thats not including the money my mates borrowed me.. but its didn;t stop there remortgage the house like 50 million time and by december 2013 instead of just have £10000-15000 mortgage left its back to £220,000. and again no money left in the saving. and again i didn't stop to think come on now lets stop stucking the FOBT willy. and grow up but no this is a wasteman... in January 2015 my family found out that my house is getting repossessed in 24hours my family tried there best to raise the money which they did but it was too late. i lost the house my dad gave me £40,000 for backup and he realise thats gone my mum gave me £20,000 of my wife's gold (asian weddings) and my mum and my wife trust me to save the gold in deposit box. but thats all gone.....its april 2015 3 months ago my house that i have tennat in there as i lived in luxury with my parent was repossed (£250,000 value) my dad's £40,000 gone, my wife's wedding gold £20,000 gone. my debt for my mates£50000 is no where to be seen. my self respect gone. i dont know why im still in my parents house because if that was someone elses parent you would have been kicked out ages ago. a wife that dont really talk to me but still makes me breakfast,etc.. my dad hasn't spoken to me for 3 months a mother that always backed me up hates me so much now. my little sister is the only one thats actually talks to me maybe she seen before i dont know(she's a staff nurse) and she's the only one who has been trying to help me what ever finances i got left she is looking after it...
mate that have washed there hands on me so how do i make new mates or where. im a loner now i guest. im a r****d because i played the FOBT i havent gamble since the 11th february 2015 but thats nothing only because i have got no access to any funds i have been to work for 3 months because i asked for unpaid leave due personal reasons they were happy to offer me that.
im a wasteman because i played the FOBT, im a r****d because i lied and cheated
what do i do now? everyday i can't go to sleep i stay awake until like 4 in the morning watch fobt addiction video online(youtube, channel 4, panorama). i am looser. i wish i was dead really i said it from the start i dont want symphathy but why am i still alive to hurt the people that care for me so much. if i was dead then they would not need to be stressing out like my dad just gives me the stares and not talk to me....
i need £1500 by thursday so i wont default on my bank account(overdraft) i can't get a bank loan because ive defaulted on my mortagage. i cant get a payday loan because the account that had cheque book and debit card is closed and with them item i cant get a loan. i know family wont give me anything i havent got any friends left. there's no payday on friday because i havent been to work for 3 months so i guest if magically i find £1500 on the street in a bag, etc otherwise its GAME-OVER. i wont ever gamble again but its too late no point saying it now, i dont want to go to GA meeting. because there no point repeating my self like a parrot... all i know i wish i was f*****g dead or killed by someone.
so after reading this what am i? im a r****d, im a looser im a wasteman, im a jackass im a dumbass im a t**t, im a k**b...
would be nice if someone can please help us if not no wor
ries thank you for you time
i wish i could turn back the clock but its my fault now i wish i was dead.........
Hi. thoughts are with you.
It does sound as if you have reached the end of the road financially and psychologically and now your facing the consequences.
Without meaning to be the bearer of bad news.. it can even worse and its not necessarilly your rock bottom.
For me I finally ran out of money or legal options of getting money at a similar age and then rehab and bankruptcy soon followed. Even then it hasn't been the end of my gambling and am still a work in progress.
To be honest it sounds like rehab could be an option to help you sort your self out. some rehabs are free. Contact gamcare and have a chat.
Your not alone though friend. So many of us have gambled our way to oblivion. There is always a route back to normality though, if you want it.
Regards... S.A
Wasteman
Fella I walked in those shoes, the fobt my own destructive choice of gambling, one hundred pound spins to chase a five hundred pound maximum payout.
In the cold light of day, an act of utter madness.
But that sums up my gambling life.
To repeat the same action over and over expecting the outcome to change.
Fella on the 22nd of January 2012 I set about gifting my life to addiction through seeking suicide.
It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Yes your life will be hard, incredibly hard to see any future, but believe me fella there is a way to gift yourself your own life back.
That starts and ends with recovery.
Don't become another statistic of this horrendous addiction.
I hope that you find it within yourself to hold on.
Regards duncs.
Hi wasteman
I am a recovering CG.
I have been in the abyss that you find yourself in now. You see know way out, utter despair, you loathe yourself. I attempted suicide in January 2008, and yet here I am. Even given my current financial position, I would say that I have a pretty happy life, and I do like myself now.
You are going to endure some very tough times financially, but you will have a chance to have a reasonable life, and be happy if you choose to address your addiction. Your family have every right to be upset. They still love you. Anger or hurt does not mean that they don't love you. You can ease their pain and anger by getting help to recover from your addiction. You will, if you abstain from gambling, come to like yourself again.
The GA members are there to help themselves, and to help you. If you haven't been to one, I would suggest that you try it before you dismiss them. They have helped thousands, if not millions of people in their recovery from gambling, so I reckon they must be doing something right.
Suicide is not the solution. Recovery from gambling is the solution.
Best wishes
Dear Wasteman,
Thank you for your post, as you can see you can get a lot of support here and you have already been warmly welcomed by others.
You are not alone and many here have similar stories to your. It's not easy but with help and support you can turn your life around.
There is a lot of help available to you, one to one counselling sessions, group support, free debt management advise, residential treatment, etc. please get in touch with one of our advisors on the Helpline 0808 8020133 or the Netline for more support and advice on all the help that is available to you. Both lines are open everyday from 8am to midnight.
Keep posting and get in touch with us for more help and support.
Warm regards
Catarina
thanks for your support S.A, duncs, wal1957 you guys are a legend because your replies have been very helpful.
its slow and a hard journey but its worth every penny. on saturday i have been the lowest i ever been in my life that was due to the fact im broke. because ive go no money to gamble so my mind says everything is dull and boring.. yet when i went to sleep yesterday and woke up in the morning i felt different its hard to explain but i felt like fresh. like a school kid leaving secondary education and going to college that feeling it a new stage in life. i spend all day today trying to get back to work and i have start tomorrow new employment new start. the fact that ive lost so much money all because i wanted things for free. i don't want to pay for that with my money so i'll gamble and get it for free. on the other hand what we dont understand instead of getting it for free we are actually giving our hard earn/borrowed money to the bookmakers so they maximised their profits. i gave my money to W.H,, lads- are- brokes, and carols so the ceo's can have that party at christmas or buy that new expensive car, there holidays, etc...
i know its abit too late now but i wish i realised this when i first had that big loss. but what a clown i am. that i thought that i can gamble my way out of this. its like you fell in a hole and instead of you just climbling out of that hole im digging below so the hole gets deeper deeper deeper until you can't even see the top of the hole.... REMEMBER GUYS IT ONLY TOOK ME 4 AND HALF YEAR TO THROW OVER £300,000. and I KNOW I CAN NEVER GET THAT MONEY BACK EVEN IF I WAS ON £30,000 PER YEAR, TO GET THAT HOUSE BACK MY WIFE'S GOLD, MY DADS MONEY MY TWO MATES MONEY. i just like to thank Dave_uk because ive read your tread FOBT, that is the best ive seen including your poems...
this is day 3 everyone talks about the urges its not like that with me. i use to smoke cannabis for over 10years on daily basis my habbit cost me £30 a day not including f**s. and i found that hard because of the pleasure i used get when i was high music sound great when your high food taste nice when your high. etc that took me 2 years to get off that.... yet i dont find myself with urges to go back and gamble. like yesterday i was watching the footy (crystal palace v man city) during the break 365 ad came on with the bet in play rubbish and all i was thinking was look how much ive lost due to gambling.... i know its early days but seriously i have a slim chance to relapse but im not being big headed by say no never going to happen to me it can but i have to be very alert so i dont start day dreaming about the wins instead thinking about the losses. there bookies everywhere so i have to make sure im one step ahead.... can't wait till im fully recovered as i know its a hard journey ahead... i have to stay strong... day3 looking forward to day 4... thanks for your time............
Hi wasteman, I've been gambling for years. I've tried stopping and stopped for long periods(1 year at times) yet once I'm back in the betting circle I quickly blow large amounts. I know inside if I don't bet again I'll have an amazing life. Not only financially but mentally. I'm now looking at it that if in 5 years I look back at this moment in life and I haven't gambled, I won't recognise the mess I was in. Although I also now know not to dismiss the mess I am in. We can beat this addiction. It's far worse than drink and drugs in my opinion because it must be the quickest way of self destructing(other than overdose). Thousands can disappear in minutes if not seconds. The only people that can change it is ourselves, no government or betting company will when they all take a cut of the profits. Keep fighting mate.
Cheers New Day thank you for your message your right in the sense that we can't dismiss the mess we got our self in to. otherwise like you said we back to square 1 and easily blow thousand upon thousand. i believe it only takes like one small moment for guy like our self to loose that hard work we done all them months or even years. to be fair the only good thing that come out of the bookmakers is Gamcare. where us guys who are ill/addicted can get together and support each other. its day 6 for me today(friday). i personally think its going to start to get abit more difficult from now on.
as i said before i have to stay alert. i walked pass 6 bookmaker today when i was going to work (thursday) and when i went pass number 7 i saw a group of 4 young lads walking out of Carols smiling and high fiving each other. i heard one of them say " that £200 each" and i said to one of them guys "hey pal please quit while your ahead." and that chap said to me don't worry about me mate its my money and my life. just because you ain't held £1000 like this in your hands(he was waving the money at me). this is what we do on a daily basis.. only if they knew that i was like that once. arrogant/cocky. but the thing was i've had more then that silly £1000 they where waving around. all i said then was "no worries good luck lads" if only they knew. that one day they WILL be on gamcare crying and moaning about look what they have lost or better still they won't be on Gamcare because they don't any money to pay for internet so they can get connect to gamcare. if only they knew. these are the new lost souls of our beautiful island of Great Britian.........glad im out of that circle. staying strong for Day 6 and looking forward to day 7
Hi wasteman
6 days is good, keep it up, it does get easier.
I stopped gambling in January 2008. I had no urges at all for about 3 years. I thought I was doing well. Then I had a big bust that lasted for 6 months. I have been clean since then. After the bust, I had a lot of thoughts re gambling. They only stopped about December last year, 2014.
You are right to be wary of feeling cocky or confident. we can be our own worst enemiy if we allow it.
Regarding your losses. I came to accept that what I had gambled, I would never get back. I don't worry about the money at all now. I can't tell you when I came to this acceptance as I don't remember when I actually did. I can tell you that if you can come to terms with your losses, it will make it easier for you in the long run.
Best wishes
Hello wateman,
Have alook at the 2015 Challenge on The Forum. It's helped me a lot.
Other people have given you excellent advice already on this thread. I can't add any more to what they have posted really.
Stay Focused. There is a good life to be lived after the gambling is finished.
It really is alot of money but it's gone and as u said, it can't be put back. I would think the 1500 u needed for your overdraft is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. If they have already stopped your card/cheque etc there are no other consequences to paying this in a lump sum even if you had it. I would look at making A payment plan with your creditors. That's not so easy with family and friends and I know the feeling of owing them what you don't have only too well. How on earth did they think u were going to raise 50k? If they genuinely aren't millionaires and expected this back, you can only show that your sorry by paying back what u actually can. It may never clear the debt but will make you feel better that your trying and show them that you do respect their friendship and love. I wish u well and hope this really is the end of your gambling journey x
as much as im being brave and optimistic saying like i won't relapse but after 10 days of not gambling.... i havent relapsed but being sober has finally hit me.. f***k me i cant believe ive blown away so much money jesus christ what have i done it really hurts i wish i was dead i wish i was dead why am i still alive. seriously why can't someone just stab me to dead and end this wasteman's life. what a waste of space i am. no words in the world can help me... i dont want no one to give me symphathy. i rather they says haha serves you right you t**t. im in tears writing this i made my own mother and father cry. only a person like me can do that. i don't think this will ever go away. no one will ever trust me. people say it takes time. maybe for you guys it will but everyones family's different. i know what my parents are like. im a let down a waste of space, a son they wish they didnt have. only my sister is actually speaking to me. and the funny thing is i was a big man blowing all that money and yet i don't have the balls to hang myself or jump off a top storey of a car park... how the mighty have fallen.... i wish someone could end this pain and do what i can't do end this wastemans life... i know i wont gamble again but it too late now. its too late. f***k me... i could have done anything but i decided to gamble with my life on fobts. what ever someones says in terms of sympathy doesn't mean anything... they say gambling is a illness well i wasn't ill when i was running to the cashers or the bank once the debit card would stop working at 10am.
i was never ill and i have never been ill you tell yourself that to make yourself feel better but after the so call medication wares off you see the true picture behind curtains... i am a wasteman and i'll always be a wasteman.... why can't i be dead..........
OK Wasteman - you have messed up big time. Now is the appropriate time to roll your sleeves up and start working at mending the damage. What can you do for your parents to help? What can you do for your friends, who you owe the money?
The money's gone, everyone knows that. But how can you show people you are willing and ready to change?
What you have done has affected your life and future lifestyle, but now it's about getting used to that fact and working with it to a stable future - whatever that may mean. All compulsive gamblers think that they can gamble their way to riches (or even the holy grail of break even) But it hasn't happened for us. We all need to accept and adjust.
You will only be a wasteman if you choose to be. Be strong for your Mum, Dad and wonderful Sister who it seems has stood by you throughout your ordeal. They love you so much.
Hi wasteman
As I wrote in an earlier post, I have been where you are now. I loathed myself, as a lot of CGs do!
The message I want you to understand is this... I do LIKE myself now. No BS. It took about 10 months I think, of being gamble free, doing GA, working on myself, basically just trying to learn how to be a normal person. All the GA members of my meeting have said basically the same thing. The time frame varies, but those that have continued in their recovery all like themselves now.
You can too.
Do the right thing. If you help yourself to recover from this addiction, you are not only helping yourself, you are also helping your family. You have a sister who is standing by you, I think she warrants that you give the recovery try maximum effort.
Best wishes
its been a hard day at work i didn't really speak to anyone apart from when they asked me to do a task and all i said was yes no worries, but i felt really demoralised. but like Detrimental and wal1957 said my sister is there for me so i have no choice but to attend a GA meeting i need to otherwise i will fully crack up... deep down i want everything to go back to normal with mum and dad but as these guys have clearly said it could take from 10months till 10 years u til i have gain there trust i think that the bit where it hurts the most the fact ive lost there trust... and i have to accept the fact its going to take time to fix up... so i have make sure im on the straight road and seriously i can't afford to relapse i think thats what's makes me upset that i hear so many stories about people relapsing and im really scared that it going to me... i dont want to be in that position especially as ive promised everyone that i won't gamble again... i don't want to let down the family. i can't afford to... i work in the city centre and there are 26 bookmakers there... i'm going pass them everyday.... i have self excluded from everyone of them but as you would know the staff that self excluded me don't always work in though shops its not like they got a big picture of me saying 'barred' i wish they did.........
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