Hi Wasteman - the tone of your last post was so much more positive...see, you're on the road to recovery already.
You are not and will never really be in a position to relapse. If your ever seriously consider it, then come back here first and read what you wrote above in your first posts. Your pain and torment is so evident and something you surely cannot go back to...and risk spreading to your family again. That would be plain cruel.
One day at a time. You will be surprised how your dignity will return soon enough. But do not look back or go there again. You know it's very very bad place indeed!!
seriously thanks Detrimental i know ive said i dont what sympathy but its nice knowing people like yourself in similar position like myself. who been there and recovered... one day i want to be like yourself who there and able to support someone else. because i know the day i left gamble some poor soul has taken my seat.i don't want no one to be in the position we've been. but the reality is there are people who would be... i can't believe i still got my wages that i worked hard all week because but the end of friday iwould down to my last £50 and my mind planning how im going to recover my loses tomorrow during luch break or after work and by sunday im back to square 1 broke. sometimes don't even have the funds for bus fare and im using penny's to pay for my fare how embrassing... even though my sister is looking after my finances (to the point where she knows my online banking passwords etc...) i don't have any money apart from the bus fare thats it.. if i need money i have to explain to her in details why i need the money? and she ain't going to hand me the money straight away until she is 100% certain that its not for gambling... so i can't blag my way through this.... deep down it does make me happy to its so hard to relapse... even though i can walk into any halifax bank and withdraw £50 without my card i haven't been tempted i won't be i rather be broke. im happy like this.. .. thanks for your time
Hi wasteman
It gets easier and easier as the days progress. Don't be tempted by even the smallest wager. It will trigger the urge. Be vary wary. You can do it if you want to.
Best wishes
Hey I'm not going to give you sympathy, Reading your initial post I was impressed by how well you was doing in life. you was SUCCESSFULL before you let gambling define you. By 30 you had you had a mortgage and everything going for you. Time is the best healer and the whole process has to be small steps all the way. Your finances will get better slowly, your self worth will get better over time. Once you start being postivie and moving forwards in the right direction and stop going by 'waste man' your family's opinion of you will change. Your posts on this thread are quite dark but if you commit suicde you loose, FIGHT IT. Best of luck hope to see happy updates.
The one thing i was dreading at actual happened..... its was one of my work collague birthday and the idiot decided to take all of the team to a casino to celebrate on saturday... i should have told them about my illness... foock me i didn't i felt embrassed and the fact i just started this position.. so again like an addict i hid it..... what a mistake........ i didn't play any game or partciptated in anything apart from being there... then on sunday finished at 6pm like a drug addict i started to rattle... going pass 26 bookmaker on the way home i don't why but i lost £26 in FOBT.... £26 you may laugh at me... what the hell is that? but that was my travel pass for a week.... so when the family asked did brought your pass and like a liar i am? i said yeah... but that mean i got to walk to work for seven days come rain or sun shine so after that hard effort of being quit for at least 2 week... back to square 1..... as soon as i walked i threw up outside bookmakers.. yet i should have been celebrating as my footy team is going to the FA cup final but instead of watching the highlight im back in the lizzard hole.. everyone talked about relapsing foock me i didn't want to be me... now my dumb mind is racing thinking about how to raise up that £26. that all it requires i little dosage and then bang your back to square one what a waste man... wasteman r****d piece of trash thats what i am... even though it £26 it feels like £26,000.. why why why
Enough's enough wasteman - no good agreeing with the advice given to you last week, then discarding it like yesterday's papers. It's time to man up and tell your friends and colleagues about your illness.
Just fortunate you didn't win really - now that really would have been scary.
PS - Nobody will be laughing about that £26. In your situation, as you quite rightly indicated, it is a lot of money. Surprised you could afford to go out to a casino in the first place - you could have made your excuses not to attend the 'idiot's' fun night.
I agree with detrimental. You need to start taking responsibility and as someone on here said to me, nothing changes if nothing changes. U need to accept that only you are in control of your destiny. Your friends from work u call "idiots" are not to blame. They are not responsible for your downfall and it's down to u to learn to say no. The money is irrelevant. As you say 26 pound may as well be 26k when it's left you with nothing. Call it a blip and move on. Walk to work if u have to and learn from it. You can't let your sister down after the support she has shown u.
Have some respect for yourself and your friends who clearly enjoy Ur company by asking u on a night out in the first place. You have lost friends In the past because of this addiction. Don't add to it by cutting yourself off from everyone.
You say u didn't gamble in the casino but are you being truthful? Did u not have a small flutter, win a little then lose it the next day? I ask because that would be me and most of us on here.
You are In early recovery and u have to abstain CompletlY. Small measures won't do x
dertimental your right in the sense of being open and i did i told my manager the truth and nothing but the whole truth. i was really happy to have some real words of comfort by her.. she even brought me a travel pass and said that during lunch break im not allowed to leave the building and that she will drop me to the train station so i don't go pass the bookmakers and get tempted she also told the assistant manager who will also assist me when she's off... they are aware of the nature of the addict i was shocked to realised that... i relapsed because i didn't tell them the truth... so again thank you detrimental your right i won't hide it from anyone anymore even though they might have a different opinion compare to my managers. im determine to not fall off the wagon again .... @new name new start.. honestly i didn't gamble in the casino i saw one collague won £2000 from the slots from a £20 stake and another won £1000 on blackjack... i stood there and watched them but when i came back saturday night i couldn't stop thinking about the casino wins by my collague. and during sundays shift all they were doing was talking about there winning so near the end of shift i started to rattle and instead of jumping on the train home i don't know why and how but i ended up walking in to WH. i wasn't tempted to chase my lost today i just though what a twaat i was yesterday. and so its back to day 1... i will be alert again so i don't go through that again enough is enough ..one relapse is one too much.. the first and the last time........
Well done Wasteman - an excellent response to your lapse - there are more people out there willing to help than you could have previously imagined. Keep building that support network. I can tell you from experience, that when you ask for help and receive it, as with your managers, you will feel far less tempted to relapse. Hope you told your parents and sister in particular about letting your work managers know about your addiction - they will be really pleased. Day 2 gamble free today, with a whole lot more to rack up, right?
Wasteman are you seeking any professional help or removing one of the following - time, location, money?
It's good you have come clean to your manager at work, this will help as they can support you, wish you all the best.
Day 5 and im looking forward not backwards... i had a relapse that i believe was something i needed because to fair i wasn't really being honest. i feel really proud that my collagues ask me about the addiction and i tell them the full truth. today i had a chap who just turned 20 years old and he wanted to speak to me. he told me he been gambling on fobt for the last 3 years and he's been on a down hill he told me that he's about £40,000 down so ive asked him if he's serious about quit he need to do what i did otherwise he's going to loose more than what ive lost he's owes £30,000 in payday loans bank overdrafts and private loan companies.. So he went up to the manager and told them... i know what he's going through but as a fellow gamber in recovery ive told him i won't have any sympathy for him unless he changes his way... so ive said me and you are going to recover together... we will support each other but i have warned him that i won't support him if he relapses because im in a recovery mode and i can't afford any slips up... i did show him my bank staements my previous deed to my house so i made him see some light... im there for him but as i said we need no mistake and its good to have a partner but at the same time it could be dangerous but i feel like im the wiser one so i can't dis respect him in that sense i hope im doing the right think like i said i can't afford any relapse it was my first and my last..........
Good stuff wasteman. Hopefully you 2 can work together and support each other. Well done for making 5 days. It will get easier despite some random cravings here and there. Just stay strong now!
THE CYCLE OF DEATH
why is when we lose we always say never again. and then somehow after a couple of days/week gamble free your back to square 1. saying the same things because we're broke.. There are moment during gambling that your conviced again that we found that pattern of winning (woohoo).. so your up for 4 days in a row and then bang within a hour you've lost all those winnings and 300% of your money on top of that,... then we have the nerve to come to gamcare because we're feeling sorry for our selfs and we want someone to sympathised with us. say everything going to be alright.... you promise your family, partners, friends and even children that this was the last time... you've quit.... a week later you back to lying and sneaking around... taking your anger out at them... when they question you?? you snap by saying "don't you trust me"? "i've told you ive stop that"?... everyone knows a gambler how?? just look at the bank statement helllo... tell me if those transcation are by a normal person even a cannabis smoker craker or the white powder doesn't have transcation as the CG bank account shows... but we're still in denial.. assuring yourself that your playing safe now... £200 in this boookie? lost... £200 in that boookie? lost... £200 pound in the one on the corner? got all my money back plus £100 on top that was a relief see im playing safe as soon as im up in taking that out see how clever i am? NO your not because the next day your £3000 down chasing for 5-6hours.. "the sun is shining and your walking home broke" BREAK THE CHAIN.. SET YOURSELF FREE...
12 days free and reeping the benefits
Did i do it right
cut a long story short(as i spoke about this guy in the thread above).. a chap who just turned 20 years old and he wanted to speak to me. he told me he been gambling on fobt for the last 3 years and he's been on a down hill he told me that he's about £40,000 down so ive asked him if he's serious about quit he need to do what i did otherwise he's going to loose more than what ive lost he's owes £30,000 in payday loans bank overdrafts and private loan companies......
so i said we'll quit together.... he relapsed like three times in a week....i stuck with him at the start but ive told him to sling his hook.. but deep down i feel bad... but at the same time the more i sympathise with him the more he's going down and i feel like im going to join him because all he does is moan to me when he looses(he put in a £10 and within 3 spins he £100 up, but looses it again).. and im thinking like i wish i had £100 like that... but i need to stay away from him because his downfall can be mine downfall... without anyone talking about FOOBT i don't even think about the FOOBT. but as soon as the stories and the excuses come out my mind goes into "DICKK Mode" but im staying strong i have to got no choice.. i can't be babysitting people, all i can do is help and support them i'm not social worker, or a wizard with a magic wand im just like you mate a Foocking human being, A CG, someone who's seriously about quitting i don't want to be drag backwards and i don't gloat over someone else downfall but "FOR EVERY ACTION THERE IS A REACTION" and a CG reaction is a RELAPSE... i think i did right to tell him on your horse son... im sorry if im being naive but ive had enough.. im in the same boat it hard but its worth it. if your honest with yourself and stop being a Dickk
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