I found out in April that my dad has been a gambling addict for the last 7 years. I have lent him around £4,000 of my own money and in 2012 he made me take out a £10,000 loan for him which he told me he needed as he had just divorced my mum and was struggling.
I first realised he had a gambling problem when I saw him come out of the bookies one time around three years ago. I myself have been gambling for around 4 years and it is only now I realise that my dad got me into it. He was betting a lot on horses and every weekend on football, I have always liked football so he got me into that.
I had my first bad blip this time last year when I lost £1000 in two weeks, it came out of nowhere and I just I wasn't thinking of the money as real money. I had gone from betting £10 a week on the football to depositing £100 a time trying to win back losses.
I am back here now as for the first time in a while I have had that feeling again of chasing losses. I have stuck to depositing £10.00 maximum every weekend for the last 6 months but today I felt the urge for the first time in a long time to deposit more. A good sign for myself is I have managed to ignore the temptation up till this point and am thinking of permanantly deleting all my online accounts for good.
I am 26 and trying to save with my girlfriend for a deposit on a house and I don't want to go down my dad's route. He admitted to us in April he has gambled and lost around £150,000 in the last 7 years. He hasn't helped me or my brother financially at all and we have struggled a lot at times, we have had to cover him for money and we have received nothing from him at all. I don't want that to happen to me so how can I get over the urge to bet permantly? If anyone could advise me or if they feel their own story would help me that would be good thanks
Hi
'and am thinking of permanantly deleting all my online accounts for good'
Please stop thinking about it and do it, do it the moment after you have read this comment, it will prove to be one of the best decsions of your life.
Learn from the mistakes of your Father and enjoy life.
Everything becomes better once you stop gambling
Best wishes to you.
.
Hello CM3003,
You've asked what might make the urges go away permanently. Different forum members will have different stories to tell about how it has been for them... some say the first few weeks are difficult and then it gets easier, some say they feel no urge to gamble until months down the line, some say they still gets urges many months after stopping. So we can't predict how it will be for any individual, even the same person can have different experiences during different attempts. Although some of our forum users are attempting controlled gambling as you have been, many are aiming at abstinence, to avoid tantalising their appetite for gambling and to reduce the risk of their gambling escalating, they are attempting to avoid gambling completely. It sounds like you are contemplating that too.
Some of our forum members have posted about ways they reduce the frequency of the urges or their duration, by focusing their attention on other activities and enjoying companionship rather than solitude. If weekends are a high risk time for you, it might be easier for you if you have quite a busy weekend with time spent in company rather than alone. Self-excluding, blocking filters and limiting your access to money are additional measures you might consider if you decide to take a clean break from gambling.
It sounds like you have felt very hurt by your father's behaviour, so it is good that you are using counselling to help you process these painful feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them or too stuck in them.
About the debt issues, some of our forum users have posted positive feedback about using free professional debt advice from services like the National Debtline 0808 808 4000, StepChange 0800 138 1111 or PayPlan 0800 280 2816.
Take care,
Forum Admin.
The fact that you have such a strong £10 routine implies you know you're going to loose it. If you already have a gambling problem that £10 is the gateway to hell but luckily you can sense something dangerous is going on. Read some of the other horror stories on these forums.
I have blocked all my online accounts and will from now on just stick to a little £5 bet every saturday in local bookie. It is on the internet which i feel is the most dangerous and i can just deposit money without thinking, at least i cannot do that now.
Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with my father. He admitted his problem to us all earlier this year and since i got a new job a couple of months ago he has started asking me for more money again, i have lent him £100 twice in the last 6 weeks and he told me last week he would pay me back but keeps coming up with excuses. I have had this for about 7 years now lending him money and really tired of it, i just dont know how to say no to him as he always says i am the only one who can help him. Just getting really tired of him now always using me for money and never paying me back, he owes me £2500 in total and says he will pay me back but he owes so much to so many people he doesnt seem to see me as a priority to pay back.
Perhaps reread your previous threads on the f&f section, replies were given more than once to similar posts about your parents. What is it that you expect to hear that's different from what's already been said? And what would happen to the money if he did repay you at the moment?
Without understating the pain your father's gambling has caused you, you choose to place your own bets and your remain responsible for those choices. The small bets will lead to bigger ones if you feel the need to place the bet and you can't manage without it. Or you can break the cycle, get support for your own addiction from GC and GA.
Nothing your father has done determines your choices. You choose your own future. Starting with taking responsibility and owning your choices.
Wish you well.
CW
Im just tired of him using me and i am so used to being there for him and lending him money that i havent ever just said no to him but very tired of it now. He asked to borrow £100 10 days ago and i said why and he said he had nothing until pay day so i said fine but need it as im getting tired of it and my girlfriend is too and he said will pay me 24th and have asked him twice over last 4 days for it and excuses have been problems with bank transfer.
Really tired of it now, I just havent ever said no to him before as he has always manipulated me into feeling i have to be there for him and lend him money but its slowing me down and stressing me out always waiting weeks for him to pay me back. I get paid in a couple of days and he knows that and I know he is going to ask for more but just got to tell him now no more.
-
Well I have blocked all my online accounts now, it is where i had my own bad spell, just too easy to lose track and deposit hundreds without thinking. I cant see myself doing that in a street bookies. I know there is always the risk of me having a bad spell but a lot less chance now that i dont gamble online.
As for loaning my dad money, I have just got too used to that being normal. He still owes me £3,000 and he cant even pay me back £100 so i have no idea when i will eventually get that back. Before his addiction I was always close to my dad and never had a fall out and so i have felt that I have had to be there to cover him and lend him money and he has got used to using me and i have got used to lending him money all the time but it has to stop as i realise he doesnt care about how he is effecting me. I am trying to save with my girlfriend and she is getting more annoyed everytime i lend him money and with him never paying me back on time its just causing too much aggrevation, i wont lend him anymore from now on.
-
I will be careful. When i had my blip before I was single and Unemployed and had a lot of stress at home. Now I have a job and a girlfriend who I want to save with and now have something to put my money towards instead of gambling, I havent had a bad blip in over a year now.
Ill just say no to my dad next time he asks for money and i will have to explain to him how I feel he has effected me and my brother if he doesnt take no for an answer. He has said sorry for putting gambling before us the last 7 years but continues to take money from me and taking ages to pay me back, i feel its slowing me down a lot and he has to realise how it is making me feel, i feel i have been his dad the last 7 years its not supposed to be like that.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
