Rationality and gambling.

Well yes a thoughtful post.

It can seem hard to find a peace of mind in this crazy world. I dont think about the universe too much as it blows my mind. Theres enough on with the billions of Humans on Earth which still blows my mind

I have to focus on the smaller things and the good that humans can do for each other.

I have to focus on a simpler life. Finding the answers for me was hard. I dont really like our economic system and by those rules we are all in competition with one another in a giant  race. I have never really felt I have fitted in and would have been quite happy keeping out of the way and being at one with nature...Even that seems a dream as all the land was divided up, sold or given to aristocracy centuries ago...the feudal system lives on...get my point. I often feel like a slave and Im certainly part of the precariat section of the economy.  

We are shown untold wealth and we are told that "success" is striving for it. Only thats not really true and its about keeping people occupied desperate and uninformed

I now tend to think a person is a success if they get up in the morning, have good health and do what they want to do. Theres a point where you would give everything for good health. We are here for the blink of an eye and the simple pleasures are often overlooked

I try and switch the news and propaganda off.. I dont watch television and dont listen to the hype

Anyway it can be dangerous over thinking it all

Gambling was never a rational or responsible thing to do. It was my drug of choice and the one I got completely hooked on. I wonder to what extent a confused and flawed character is vulnerable to it

I wonder if I would have been an addict if I had found peace with myself...a real purpose. a fulfilled ambition..a true love?

Who knows. I just know that gambling is not for me and I have to stay well away.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

For a long-time i really struggled to make sense of the world I was living in. Everything around me seemed to be pulling me in different directions. Not knowing who I was or what I should be. Being told by society what I needed to be, what I should have and what I should say and do to be accepted.

I believe my constant struggle with adult life was formed when I didn't form an acceptable sense of self during my formative years. I spent most of my childhood living by conditional behaviours in order to feel some level of acceptance. I was never enough just being me.

Everything in my life makes perfect sense today and it's great to know myself totally and understand why I think and behave the way I do. 

I've realised that life isn't hard and that I don't have to be thrown about by society if I keep working on the core loving relationship with myself that was once never there.

It's such a shame that so much damage can be done to humans during the developmental stages of childhood and that it ends up being the default setting in adulthood.

Although the brain is less malleable as we get older it's still possible to have a stable adulthood if we put in the hard work with the right support. 

Kind regards 

Interesting post.

Yes, you are right. Things will be exactly what they are unless some new law comes into effect that changes things. Yes, it is incredible that we as a species even managed to hang on to this small blue ball in the cosmos for as long as we have done without self-destructing.

The questions should be. What are we learning as addicts? Are we going to be continuing like Pavlov's (read up on it) dogs and salivate as soon as the master rings the bell or are we going to decide not to be harvested for money by an industry that specializes in conditioning you?  10% of your mind is conscious and 90% is subconsious so believe it or not almost everything you do in a day is on autopilot. From driving to walking and you will be conditioned by advertising. We have no defence against it and your brain is not designed to block it in any way. Quite on the contrary, We are designed to learn by repeat. By repeating actions till our subconscious takes over and it becomes a sollidified habit that is hard to break.

If you want to make changes you need to change your bad habits for better ones. One small habit at the time. Minute and often for a bigger change further down the road (read atomic change by James Clear). Just quitting may work for some but not without a lot of falling down along the way. Life is not static. They(the industry) want you to think it is so you can go on being their cash cow but life changes around you and if you decide to change to, you absolutely will. The ball is in your court. You can run left or right and make a goal where ever you want on the field. Everyone else is only a spectator looking on. It is your journey.

It is about making decisions and choices and only you can do them.

Best

C

It's a shame that so many people put their focus into trying to change the industry when the true answer to the addicts problem is why they need it in their lives in order for them to cope. I definitely believe it's an inside job but you have to take responsibility and own your troubles to be able to see it from this perspective. 

Posted by: Walliss77

It's a shame that so many people put their focus into trying to change the industry when the true answer to the addicts problem is why they need it in their lives in order for them to cope. I definitely believe it's an inside job but you have to take responsibility and own your troubles to be able to see it from this perspective. 

You are absolutely right that it comes down to personal responsibility but do you really think there would be addicts if everyone was responsible? What does that tell you? The industry makes billions out of people who do not take that responsibility. We are atoned to the fact that it is all a bit of fun but we hide our heads in the sand when we hear how it breaks people kills people and destroys people's lives.  Do we have a right to tell them to stop programming us every day of the week? Hell yes even if it's only a bit of fun...

It's a very interesting question. 

I honestly believe that addictive behaviour is the end result of a combination of a person who doesn't feel content, at peace/emotionally unstable (trauma/suffering) and behaviour that brings relief to this suffering.

I could understand your thinking about it being so harmful if everyone that started gambling ended up with serious addiction problems but this is not the case. Many people who don't need this behaviour to feel ok with themselves can take it or leave it, set limits and never chase. 

I feel that in order for an addiction (fix) to exist there has to be something to fix otherwise it holds no power to become an addiction. 

Addictive personality is less of characteristic and more of a need to escape/change one's self.

This is a great topic and love sharing thoughts. 

Yup interesting thread. I agree with much of what has been said.

When I think of my own addiction I see it in terms of "tuning out". I become almost numb and zombie like. I don't have to think or feel anything real when in the zone. Clearly I never really learn't how to manage myself in my formative years. Some deficits am aware of and some am clearly not. No blame attached. Its just what it is.

I'd argue that there are very few people whom are not addicted to anything when seen in its broadest context. Its just that with something like gambling the consequences can be so profound and obvious.

Is good to talk

Totally agree that most people have some form of addiction/dependency.

I guess it goes to show how difficult it is to get all of our needs met during our development. It's a shame they don't teach emotionally stability and how to build a healthy relationship with oneself at school rather than lots of useless things that have no use.

Unfortunately having a mum and stepdad that were overly critical, detached emotionally, absent alot and my real father running away with another woman when I was 5yrs old left me with some massive fears, insecurities, anxieties and self perception problems leading into adulthood. 

I've been fortunate enough to have worked through this trauma with a specialist so that I've been able to form a healthy relationship with myself that I'm able to to live with without the crutch of addiction. 

I mentioned in a previous post that at the entrance of Apollo's temple it said: " Know Thyself". So can we have enough knowledge and mindfulness to see when we have overstepped the mark? Dopamine focus means you can be staring at a slot when the neighbor suddenly gets a heart attack you won't even look as you are so into those spinning slot wheels that nothing else matters. If you know yourself is there a way of not falling into dopamine focus? People rationalize and say ok only 50 pounds and then that becomes 500 pounds because that is what they can access at the time before all-cash options are out. No. Dopamine focus is you completely with tunnel vision doing your thing until it can not be done anymore. No amount of rationale will remove it because the only way to beat it is not to go there at all. A lot of addicts have some kind of underlying trauma experience it is said. That trauma seems to be a kicker in addiction and if you can find what it is and work on it with a professional you will have made progress right there and then. But let us not forget that we are addicted personalities every last one of us on the planet has heaps of addictions for everyday use. So it is not a dirty word it should be renamed to a learning disorder because that is what it is. Our brains get duped and highjacked and we repeat things in the wrong way. Like a bee going to a glass flower pretending that it is real and doing what it does again and again and again because it to gets a reward in the brain for doing so.

Small steps make the difference. Cant fix it at all at once do small steps and you will see change.

Best

C

My brother-in-law, (a compulsive gambler who has lost well over £100k and been made bankrupt twice) used to come out with stuff like this, usually on the downslope of another crazy losing binge.

”In a thousand years nobody will remember us” and other such nonsense.

Yes, that’s technically true, but the problem with thinking like that it is yet another means to try to avoid taking responsibility, as if his bad behaviour didn’t actually matter. If you take a wide enough context, then nothing really matters does it?

“In a billion years none of this will matter” ok so, why not go out and murder 30 people then? Or why even get out of bed at all, since nothing really matters?

The point is, we don’t live in timescales that don’t matter, what we do with our own lives does matter, it matters very much.

He also used to do the endless (and ultimately pointless) introspection that I see on this thread. It was another side of the same coin. He was always trying to justify his behaviour and find some event in his upbringing or childhood to point at and say “there! See that thing that happened that wasn’t my fault? That’s the reason I am the way I am.”

It is self-deluding bull, he made his own choices. He had both older and younger siblings that had very similar upbringing and they are all doing fine. No one else is to blame for his utter selfishness and total immaturity.

Not to say that some childhood trauma doesn’t have an impact, of course it can. But if you use it as an explanation or justification for bad behaviour then you’ll be permanently stuck, excusing yourself your whole life. And you’ll be miserable.

I’m not saying this to be mean or judgemental, quite the opposite. It’s to help you avoid the mental trap of thinking that in the end nothing really matters, and your upbringing is to blame anyway.

You are in control of your own decisions. They may not matter in a thousand years, but they matter right now, to your immediate future and to the people who care about you.

Trying to philosophically unpick the inner workings of your own mind is a pointless and selfish indulgence. Decisive actions are all that matter, and the hard work that you have to put in. Be determined to do it. Let nothing stop you. Let go of every excuse and justification.

If you think I’m wrong, let me tell you where 15 years of philosophising and introspection has got my brother-in-law:

He is facing his 3rd bankruptcy at 36 years of age, this time most likely with conditions that will last 10 or 15 years.

The courts have decided he is not allowed to have his 10 year old daughter stay over as he cannot provide a stable environment for her. He is only allowed supervised visits since he tried to get her to withdraw her savings to pay for food for him.

Despite having worked hard his whole life in a well paid job (~£1000 a week) he lives in a single room in a ramshackle shared house. His only possession of any value is a car his parents bought for him that’s worth about £300.

He cannot get beyond this cycle of self-absorbed introspection, self-delusion and the immature “nothing really matters to the universe” bull. He has had lots of therapy (paid for by me) and made some progress, but always slides back.

Don’t be like him. Stay away from these blind alleys.

It's such a shame that your brother-in-law has struggled so much with addiction/consequences of addiction. 

It's very true that some people continue to live in the denial and justification that runs through the heart of addiction. 

Hopefully he can get the help he needs and can envisage the sad and lonely latter years of life that are enivitable if he continues as this will hopefully give him the drive to change his future. 

I hope you have found support whilst supporting your brother-in-law because it can't have been easy for you and other family members. 

Kind regards 

I think there is time for self reflection and soul searching once the strong foundations are in place.

If a person is ready, I found it helpful to face up to and even find out who I really am. I had never faced who I am and have always run from it in a delusional shell. A shell to protect me from my real fears, my shyness anxiety and low self esteem.

My drugs of choice were being a shopaholic and gambling. Two main things that made me feel special or even alive in a false way. Any distraction from the reality of a job I hated and feeling essentially lonely

I agree that it can get too philosophical and I don't often talk about life the universe and everything.

Some people are more matter of fact. I have always said face the gambling addiction and follow the tried and trusted advice. The rest is personal to your own recovery.

Introspection helped me understand a complex addiction once I had the solid foundations in place and felt ready to try and understand it.

Only when I had told people, protected my money and made sure there were no secrets about what I had been doing.

I disagree that its pointless or selfish. I dont think its wishy washy. I dont bore people with it unless they are interested. All my monitors really want to know is my finances, my blocks and my state of mind relating to possible triggers

If I had gambled I would tell them because I know how dangerous it is to me.

Best wishes to everyone on the forum

I think it is great that addicts and non-addicts can have a conversation in the same place. 2-3% of people with this addiction step forward to asks for help according to the NHS this morning. The rest of them keep on hiding their addiction or are still in the casinos and bookies. This is a place where we talk about all things that can empower an addict to get better. It is fair enough to ask why there is so much talk and no action from some but the brain is a maze and being stuck in the wrong place in the brain can lock you in for a long time before you find your way out of it. If you do not understand it fine but don't stop supporting it because this problem will not get better unless they have that support.

Best

C

Hi,

I saw the guy on TV this morning from the NHS gambling treatment centre. Also the wife of the addict describing the 2 police officers getting out of the car & walking towards her front door after her husband took his own life. A harrowing story that made me feel so sad. Another casualty of the gambling industries free spin & bonus offers.

Al