Recovering and then returning to gambling

hello PA

i am not sure where you are in your recovery, but i have often heard this kind of question

i remember in the early stages of my recovery i thought about returning to gambling, and even hoped that i could return to gambling

at the time, i believed that i enjoyed gambling as a 'harmless pastime', that got slightly out of control.

the thought of 'never' gambling again was a thought too far for me. i also remember looking around me and seeing people who i perceived not having a gambling problem, and thinking how 'lucky' they were to be able to have a bet when ever they wanted without having any 'consequences'

so its been 9 years now since i faced those thoughts and from time to time have found myself in situations where gambling was possible for me

the truth is that for me now, gambling holds no attraction. it seems inconceivable to me now to willingly give money away without any 'good' reason

the only 'winners' are the bookmakers who are looking at any means possible to line their pockets

gambling has just become a 'non-event'

i dont get hung up with allure of becoming an instant millionaire, i am just very happy to earn my living in a regular way, and earn what is considered a fair days wage for a fair days work

i live within my means, and save money so that when i want to treat myself i can, and dont have to worry about the day before payday.

its hard work getting past a gambling problem, but i believe implicitly that it can be done, because i have done just that

love

rusty

xx

Hi guys, thank you for your replies.

It seems nobody has found it possible to return to gambling long term without it becoming a problem all over again.

I guess when it is time to stop, it is time to stop for good.

PA

It might be possible. But asking the question on a forum dedicated to people trying to overcome their gambling addictions... Not sure what feedback you are really expecting to hear?

Many people gamble without a problem. Many people gamble and end up at rock bottom worse than any alcoholic or smack head.

Others come to an understanding why they gambled through therapy, accept it, move on, and then find it possible for them to gamble again responsibly.

But all said and done - the reason betting sites make millions and the mug-punters are not is because the house always has the edge, so whether you are a weekend warrior or a CG, best not to bother either way. Save your money and have fun with real life instead.

M

In short No

Ive tried and would love too,but it always comes back worse than ever. Has anyone ever posted on here when their absolutly flying and thousands up? Again i doubt it.

Mole, I wasnt sure what response I would get hence the post. With this section being called "Overcoming PROBLEM Gambling" i felt it was ok to ask. If you have any other ideas as to where else i can post the question please let me know.

Anyway, after some research i found this and i hope it helps:

If you were to return to gambling and cut down, this would make the activity more "precious" and as a result we would become more commited gamblers, rather than more casual ones.

PA

Its interesting how your mind is trying to give you an excuse to gamble again

Fascinating how this addiction works

People are screaming at me telling me gambling will kill me yet i'm listening to the one voice that says its fine

today i'm not going to gamble

-- return to gambling in a controlled manner --

I think the definition of a person with a gambling problem is, essentially, that they can't do that.

My short answer (should anybody ask, like, hey do you want to play a game) is

"no. I don't do gambling"

Longer answer: No, because it would control me and I'm not willing to invite a beast into my life to do that. I don't want to be controlled by a parasite.

Everyone is different, different stories and experiences, some people have never bet on tennis matches in estonia or virtual greyhounds but have problems when it comes to FOBT's

You will read a lot of advice on here about the need to give up all forms of gambling in order to move forward

Personally i find this a very difficult thing to accept, I have (had?) a big problem with roulette on the FOBT's in the bookies. That was my ONLY problem part of gambling that I had, the only other things i really gambled on were football and once in a blue moon an odd horse racing bet.

so.... in april i banned myself from the bookies near my house (then one from near where i work). To cut quickly to the point I have not played an FOBT since 1st May. I estimate ive probably saved myself at least 500 quid. Howver i have allowed myself an odd bet on the football (I have an app on my phone with a bookmaker). Im not in profit with this but its not a big problem as i feel im in control of what im doing.

I sometimes think am (was?) i really a compulsive / problem gambler like others on here?

I think i am(was?) its just that there is (was?)only one form of gambling that I had problems with. Other compulsive gamblers will be unable to control what they are doing with ANY forms of gambling. For those types of gamblers I suspect responsible gambling is nearly impossible

Just to add - theres no way I could ever be 'responsible' when it comes to FOBT's (roulette). Thats why the safest thing for me is to stay away

But because im not a problem gambler when it comes to other forms of gambling im not putting extra pressure on myself to abstain from gambling completely. I'll still buy the odd lotto ticket, ive entered a dream team at work. I'll have the odd 5 pound football bet.

WHAT I REFUSE TO DO IS GO BACK TO ROULETTE WHERE I COULD BET 60 QUID IN A 20 SECOND SPIN WITHOUT ANY CONTROL OF WHAT I WAS DOING!! LOSING HUNDREDS EVERY MONTH!!

Hello everyone I've not posted on this site in years but thought i'd come back today and see how things are...surprise surprise gambling still continues to wreck the same havoc as before.

The question of whether you can return is a tantalising one, because many gamblers would love to return safely, in fact they crave it, but are also desperate not to go down the slide again. The answer is personal and simple: If you are desperate, you are not in control of your emotions. If you aren't in control of your emotions you aren't in control of anything.

The kind of person who could go back wouldn't worry about it they'd just go back and be fine and you wouldn't hear from them again because an addiction forum wouldn't be where a now healthy person wants to hang out, regardless of how much it may have helped them in the past. The kind of person who has concerns has them for a reason, and should not even entertain the subject of "just a little bet" whilst they are still in this low confidence state.

Fundamentally compulsive gambling is an emotional illness in which certain behaviours (betting) trigger unhealthy pain and pleasure responses that the brain just cannot handle logically and is forced to result to its more primitive state of "gut" feeling. Gambling systems are of course designed with payouts and interfaces that give the primitive minds just enough pleasure to trigger a lust for more with losing carefully regulated to keep frustration levels at 'come on, it has to pay soon..." rather than "well sod this im done".

Sure, you can appreciate this now - but when you are watching the ball bounce around 300 down your mind is in no mood for the idea of thinking things through logically.

Im pretty sure I burnt out my gambling desire some time ago after turning my last 50 into over 3k twice in a week and then blowing the entire lot. If a one in a million event doesn't satisfy me then it was pretty obvious that there was nothing within the realm of gambling that could - it was all just empty dreams and desperate twisted reasoning.

Past attempts to quit, though very very sincere, had failed and now I understand why. By placing an absolute edict on myself that I must NEVER gamble again I was psyching myself up into an unhealthy state of mind (all in the the name of a good cause but still unhealthy) which every few days would come undone. The only thing which you must never do is get wound up and obsessed. Surely its okay to be obsessed with quitting though right? Well, no it isn't. When you trade one obsession with another you aren't recovering. When you are having doubts you aren't recovering. When you are not "allowed" to be happy you are not recovering.

I've recently read the great book on Las Vegas written by Mario Puzo (author of the Godfather) in which the underbelly of the gambling industry is ruthlessly exposed. Its an old book, but having been to Vegas I can say that things are pretty much unchanged. And yet its still one of my favourite cities and I can go there without being a total mug. That should give you pause for thought and help you realise like I have that one thing cannot be wholly good or wholly bad and that whatever forms the truth lies somewhere in between. As compulsive gamblers we have all seen the bad side and are, or should be, sick to death of it. When asking, can I ever go back you should consider what changes you would need to make in yourself for such a thing to happen. If you are still blowing your money at every chance you get you probably haven't made any changes to yourself at all.

From 10 years of experience I would like to share my top tips for making positive change:

1) Chill out A highly wound up person cant think or do anything good so just relax a bit (not gambling).

2) People are dumb. Even those who care about you don't understand what gambling is like and for their own sakes shouldn't. This means you will be judged constantly by the ignorant and must not allow yourself to get down because of them. Only your self assessment matters and as i've just said, you need to chill out before making it.

3) Love getting a grip. Pulling your socks up and sorting out your finances and the mess you've made in life should not be seen as a punishment or penance no matter how many judgemental people you have breathing down your neck. It should be seen as a fun adventure in which your relish every part of taking control right down to little things like getting out of bed exactly when you intend to. If you don't love your recovery you won't stick to it.

4) You are the master. If one day you feel like having a gamble then go have a gamble. He did not just say that! Yes, buddy I did. You are not a child and if you want to indulge in something risky thats your choice. You have a far better chance of being fine if you are allowed total freedom in your actions and take responsibility for what you do. Being controlled by an imposed set of rules only fosters a desire to break free and an unbalanced state of mind which, when freed, will not be able to stop gambling.

5) Face the real deamons When ready you will have to face the actual problems in your life that lead you to addiction in the first place. You might not know what they are yet, thats fine, but the realisation will creep up on you eventually. DO NOT HIDE FROM IT! If you go into denial about the things you don't like in life you will soon run back to your refuge and be back blowing your money again. Face everything square on and make whatever changes you need to make. You need to emerge from this stronger, smarter and more powerful, not as a beggar on his knees pleading for forgiveness. That isn't recovery. That's just pathetic.

6) Make right wrongs. I took bad advice from people in recovery because I felt so guilty I couldn't stand up for myself. I went from being an out of control gambling rebel to a control-less sycophantic kiss-a**e with even less self esteem. So, if something is wrong correct it. Even if you think i'm wrong - correct me! Bring your knowledge and experience to bear and help make communities like Gamcare stronger and more effective. Though you may have lost a sickening amount of money its that fact that you deliberately threw it away that stings the most. The best remedy for this now is putting the past behind you and seizing back the control and authority you once gave up.

Fascinating post.

Reactions to two of your points:

-- if you want to indulge in something risky thats your choice. ...total freedom in your actions and take responsibility for what you do --

I like that. I also suggest that, carefully considering the issues with an eye to your own benefit, the most beneficial action to choose freely is NOT indulging in the risky behavior. You decide whether you agree.

-- I took bad advice from people in recovery ... I went from being an out of control gambling rebel to a control-less sycophantic kiss-a**e with even less self esteem. --

Hmm. Sounds a little bit like you share some of my objections to the twelve-step model. My approach is much more in the way of cognitive behavioral insight, and it works for me. YMMV.

Very good post and true.

I have found the worst loses come when I am restricted and told not to gamble. Like a buzz being bad for some sad reason.

Key point I have found is lay off the drink and create things to fill your time. When you relapse don't dwell and beat yourself up - learn and move forward.

Cheers

maybe or maybe not

there's a big difference between someone will a gambling problem and someone with an addiction

gambling was never a bit of entertainment as the gambling industry tell us it is. It was something very different for me

i can't gamble again. i choose not to gamble again because i know what will happen to me.

everyone else needs to make that choice themselves.

tri