Good afternoon, I am a compulsive gambler. I have been since my early 20's, I am now 30 years old. Here is a quick insight into my story: At the age of 16 I placed my first bet on the horse, £5.00 win, it was through a friend I decided to have a go. The horse was a non runner, the day after I re-invested. Soon this became a daily habit, skipping school to nip to the bookies for a bet, only £10 -£20 a week, but it was daily all the same. At this stage I remember loving it, care free and it made me feel like the big shot, someone that matters I suppose. Things gradually got worse, I started playing roulette, football bets, dogs, in fact I was betting on anything I could by the age of 19. This is when it first effected me, I had gained a job in a local bookmakers (independent company), I began raiding the tills to place bets, commited fraud in the region of £2500, only to be found out and sacked, luckily things did not go further. I then went to Uni, at the start of the second term, I withdrew £1800 student loan took it to the bookies and blew it in just under 4 hours. Sick to the gut I rang my parents and told them all. The fall out was terrible, I had to leave uni, move home and things we're bad. I later moved out and things got really bad again, gambling everything I could, everyday.
By the age of 24 I was still gambling heavily, I was and had been working for 5 years for the family business. It was at 24 that I took upwards of 7k from the work company and lost the lot over 4/5 months. I came clean and was broken, I attempted to take my own life. From here I had reached rock bottom, I went to GA everyweek and was bet free for 2 1/2 years. For personal reasons I stopped going and relapsed. I then had another few years clean.
I met my current partner 2 years ago, we now have a baby of 7 months old. Both my partner and our baby and my step daughter are the apple of my eye. I love them so much. Things have been tough at times, maybe just the whole growing up thing and being overwhelmed by being a dad maybe. Anyways to cut a long story short, I have been relapsing recently in secret, nothing massive, I think I may have lost £1000 over 2 months. I feel I have come to my senses and came on here to seek help. Today is my new DAY 1. I don't want to gamble again, I can't understand my triggers this time, however I feel it may be due to life being so demanding etc....maybe escapeism.....
I do not want to tell my partner this close to Christmas, I feel I can manage this on my own and am planning on seeking help in the form of GA or my coucellor.
If I tell her it will break her and she has so much on her at the moment and I don't want to add more stress. Please advise, really need support as already had urges today!
Make today Day 1 of changing your urges
Your urge now is to recover so go an get a pen and paper
Make a recovery plan
No 1 ring counsellors on here and keep talking to others on here and reading their diaries.
No 2 get financial advice and get someone close to moniter your finances and oversee your statements etc Secrecy is the worst thing for you.
No 3 Make appt to go to GA or even gp if you are depressed about your lifestyle etc.
No 4 Keep a diary and tick off GF free days
No 5 Get this action plan in place (which will keep you busy), start acting on it asap and then after Xmas decide about telling your family.
Have been helping a family member just like you and I refuse to see another lovely young family be ruined by this awful problem.
It is a tough world out there and the trick is to learn to cope with problems without resorting to drink, gambling etc. It can be done you know - not easy I know - but it can be done if you get a few people on your side. Maybe a great new challenege for 2017?
Good luck
Thank you for your post. Its a big help to simply share and listen....To not feel alone brings some strength...
I impulsively left work early and came clean to my partner. I was nearly sick with netves en route but knew it was right to deal with this head on. Not only to beat the addiction down but as i love my girls so much. My partner is devastated but being strong and trying to understand...
I feel like the most selfish man alive right now but im determined to move onwards and hopefully upwards.
I know a big factor to my relapse was ceasing to go to GA, so ive scheduled in for going Wednesday.
Until then im worried the shame about my relapse could be a trigger so going to be on this site alot and ive just dug some recovery books out along with a book my councillor from before gave me. Hoping this will help me keep some perspective... feeling low but determined to learn from this!
Realise id become massively complacent too....
Hi
Coming clean is a big step in the right direction. Capitalise on it by asking your partner to set passwords for blockers on everything you use to gamble and take over the finances. Going back to GA is an excellent move. It will help keep you grounded and help you identify your gambling triggers which is key to maintaining recovery. Can you look into counselling too? Gamcare offer a free service.
Hi
Welcome to the forum and it will be a great help to you.
Please ring gamcare as many times as you like because the one to one voice will focus you.
You must build this up to a moment of strength when you know its right to self exclude and tell people close about the addiction. You must immediately back this up by telling them the steps you are prepared to take like living on an allowance. OH EDIT YOU HAVE TOLD YOUR PARTNER WHICH IS GREAT.
Now its not about treating you like a baby but a good way to build trust again is to live on an allowance and provide receipts. For example I take no cash without the other person being present to see where its going like on my keycard. That is part of my recovery trust which Im proud to do. I would be pretty much ok now but I want to show Im rigid in my recovery ideals
Im self excluded from all the arcades and bookies in town on around the outskirts. I have never broken a block or attempted to. I am never complacent though and always ready to discuss my feelings.
Your family are whats important in life and I think you realise that.
I talk about a phoenix or born again moment where you will realise that being open and honest is essential to save your quality of life. You realise at this moment that counselling and GA are essential to save your life (and not an embarrassing nuisance)
I talk about already losing your pride and self respect by gambling. There is no shame in admitting you were addicted to gambling and reaching out for help.
I know it was tough telling people but it is almost nothing compared with the stress and secrecy which may lead you to gamble again. You have to view it that is the easier option compared to the new lows gambling would take you to.
Gambling destroys people and you need to fear and respect the addiction because it works in powerful ways.
I found it a huge relief to tell people and I got the words out. If you word it fairly well Im sure they will understand and be supportive. The key here is you told them of what you are ready to do and dont just blurt it out if you are not ready to get all the help monitoring and support.
I dont know your financial situation at the moment but if you can integrate this with some sort of stability over christmas its a time families talk and get together
Being gamble free is a wonderful feeling and there is a light you are aiming for
You will learn alot about the addiction on here. It doesnt mean you are a bad person
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Good afternoon, thank you so much from your replies. Since coming clean last monday I have not had a bet, the urges have been there, however I have been trying to deal with the problems that come with each day one by one. Having a little faith the stress and struggle will pass. It's funny, I think that my gambling is triggered by a need to escape, a need to win and feel like a god (the feelings that come with a win), when winning or the prospect of winning (prospect of having a bet) seems to make everything else not matter.... Like I say to myself in a strange way, if you win loads of money everything else won't matter. Although these are just deluded thoughts and really what happens is we bury ourselves in a whole more trouble and pain.
Last wednesday evening I went to my GA meeting, It was very scary but great to be back, absense from GA meetings is my downfall and in hindsight I know it was the lack of recovery work and some stressful triggers that led me back into bad habits.
Today I feel strong though, I have been getting a lot of greif in my family life, I am step dad to a beautiful little girl and now have my own 7 month old daughter. The biological dad is playing alot of games and making nasty trouble causing allogations about his daughters saftey with me. Although I am an addict I am no monster. This has been causing me a lot of struggle in coping with life recently, however just in the last week since I have not gambled I have dealt with the problems. I have spoken with oters in my position as a step dad and found that it is a common allogation bio-logical parents make through jealousy and hurt. Today he was trying to cause trouble and upsetting my partner in regards to custody over Christmas, when she gets upset I feel desperate and hurt to make it better for her. When gambling I know I cannot do this, although the temptations were there today I feel proud, instead of betting and burying my head, I called her and asked if we could chat, we went though the best way to deal with the trouble causing and the situation is sorted. Sounds simple but dealing with today has been a step in the right direction for me. I am proud to say no bets for just over one week. One day at a time for me. No matter how big the problem is I must remember gambling is no answer. No matter how hard life gets (less face it life can be s**t sometimes and it sends alot our way to test us) I cannot make things better by gambling. Peace and Love!
You are right to feel proud and getting that feeling of high self esteem back and feeling better in yourself must surely make you feel stronger to deal with all the other problems you have. I hope you and your young family have a great Xmas and all success for 2017. Keep us posted and keep talking things over with your partner.
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