Reset to 0 days...

I feel very very low again now. Like utter s**m, I hate myself so much for being weak, a s**t mum, a s**t wife, I'm just a s**t person.

Hi Bodgerthebadger

So sorry to hear about your lapse. I know you are having trouble believing it but you are not a bad person! Look at the positives. You stopped when you'd lost £10 and you did not chase the loss. That shows remarkable self control. And 200 days is an amazing achievement. You did it once and you can do it again.

But there seems to be a common thread running through your posts. You sound as though you might be very depressed with low self esteem. You seem to be trapped in a cycle where you are depriving yourself, maybe punishing yourself for your gambling, and then you lapse. Maybe it would help you to try what others have suggested and call the helpline? We could organise some counselling for you which may help you look at why you feel the need to gamble, and help you in o ther areas of your life too. We could also point you towards Gamblers Anonymous groups where you can get support from others who are going through similar situations. You can call us on 0808 8020 133 or chat to us on the netline. There's a link at the top of this page.

Above all, try to be kind to yourself.

Take care

Forum Admin

hi

don,t be so hard on yourself , you are getting better we can all have a weak and stupid moments not just in gambling zone but other parts , women , money , family life is bloosdy stressful but clear ur head i feel like ill never doo 200 days

Hi,

In a way it is right you are hard on yourself as you want to ensure that you do not slip again. You have had 200 good days which is alot more than most. Use your experience to make sure it's a slip not a relapse and have a nice Xmas.

Michael

The thing is, my husband knows but I know for sure he doesn't believe it was once, or only £10, so I basically get treated as if I never stopped 🙁 Certainly no pats on the back for managing to stop there (not that I think I deserve any). But I might as well just have carried on from the first time. It's been 5 days I think and I haven't even wanted to gamble, it was like a test to see if I still felt the compulsion and I didn't. I feel like s**t because everyone just thinks I'm s**t and assumes the worst of me. I don't know how to make it OK.

Thanks H-L for the perspective. I don't blame him for being angry. He has every right to be. I'm angry at myself.

Hi

I love your site name Bodgerthebadger 🙂

You can do this and 200 days is a real achievement. Are there any more barriers you can put in place after another chat with your husband?

I believe the feeling seeps away when the real focus and happiness in life returns.

I dont know how well the online blockers work but surely you need a really good lock or monitoring of your access device.

I detest how gambling has moved online. I never gambled online because I have a mental block about the lack of anonymity and no trust. Thats a good thing as far as Im concerned in preventing that.

Can you work through the feelings that led to the relapse. Youve admitted to an addiction and you shouldnt be ashamed about being honest about it. The way I see it is the spinning machines shouldnt be there in the first place. They want your money and they are devious about it.

Theres no shame in proving yourself again. Dont be too angry with yourself. Let the feelings go.

All the best