Rock bottom

i have yet to tell the hubby how bad my addiction is....so bad i`ve not paid the mortgage and we have a eviction order for the 18th. I have to apply to suspend it. But it`s not the first time. Question is do I lie to the courts and make up a random excuse or tell the truth that i`m a gambling addict. I hate that `it`s` controlling me. My hubby tells me how amazing I am and i think if only you knew.

Hi Amy...just checking in to see how you are doing. The bursting into tears is totally normally...the aweful feelings and realisation of it all can be overwhelming. But just realise they are normal feelings...they are feelings of withdrawl...they are only temporary, and I promise you they will pass. Its just part of the withdrawl process. The important thing is to just recognise those feelings for what they are...and just bubble along with them. They will leave you I promise. Just try not to go back to gambling...because you will just have t repeat the same shiity withdrawel process again...and it gets worse each time. So keep away from those d**n slots (saying this to myself as much as to you!!..to remind myself how stupid it is to just hand over our money to some online strangers!) Well done for going and getting a fitbit...I think its a great idea and track yourself and see your improvement...it will help alot...just keep moving. The weight will fall off and you will be feeling much better about yourself in no time. Keep that money to buy yourself a new outfit at the end of next month for the new improved trimmer you....dont give those slots another pound. You'll be saving pounds by losing pounds with that fitbit!! Well done and taking the plunge X..and remember one step at a time...one day at a time!

Morning everyone. Thank u all so much for the nice comments and support.

JI need to have a good nosy on here and find your diary’s so I can subscribe! Not very good with technology believe it or not ha.

So today is my day 3. I’m smiling as I write this because I can’t remember the last time I went 2 full days without gambling. Iv got a million miles to go but I want to get there so I’m gonna try my hardest.

Still feeling low, I have anxiety and this morning especially I’m very shakey and irritable.

Justali... I am still in very early days of this so I don’t want to give advice on something I am myself struggling with, although just my opinion would be to tell the truth about it. The more u lie the more your getting into a mess and spiralling further out of control. Also, once it’s been admitted and out in the open, things can start to change. The worry of lying and covering your tracks can stop and u can start to recover. I hope everything works out for u love I really do. X

Valdab my big sister 🙂 thank u for the Fitbit advice. It’s my new favourite toy and I keep boring everyone with my step count and statistics ha. I hope u are well x

Xangelx thank u for your lovely support. Your doing great i hope u keep it up and be gf for good! X

Well done on getting to day 3 amybeee

Delighed to read your progress Amy...day 3 thats great...you are over the worst now, just keep going and counting those steps and days. And I love that you are starting to give advice to others. That to me shows real progress because the truth about gambling is sinking into your mind and head and being able to give advice to others shows that you are beginning to believe it yourself. Well done chick...I feel very proud of you. You can do this...just one day at a time. Also the more you take care of yourself with a proper routine of sleep, food and excercise etc...(especially sleep) you will find that your head is clearer and stronger and better able to deal with the c**P life throws at you.Well done!! Have a lovely wknd...forget about the losses...past is past...its what you plan for your furture that matters. Big love XX

Good morning. Hope u are all good. This is my day 5, although I feel like a bit of a cheat.

Yesterday I was so stupid, I was trying to open a new account but I couldn’t find one anywhere that wasn’t blocked from gamstop (thank god) I was actually relieved rather than angry when I couldn’t access any, but I’m annoyed at myself for even trying. If one would of let me, who knows what I would be doing today. Thank u gamstop, I can still carry on counting the days!

Back to zero. I was relentless in finding a site not blocked on gamstop. I got what I wanted in the end... and feel horrible for it. I don’t know if this is wrong to say so I hope this doesn’t act as a trigger as this is very very rare.. I ended up being up by quite a lot and I desperately don’t want to reverse the withdrawal. This is such a horrible feeling I’m angry and let down by myself. I made it to 6 days 🙁

Quick piece of advice Amy...get back on that site and chose the time out option so that you cant access the site again for a period of time. That will allow the withdrawl to go through but you cant access and cant reverse. Then...once withdrawl is clear...self exclude..BLOCK. We all replapse...but each time you must use it as a learning process...all is not lost....Get back in the saddle and close those loop holes you have found.

I echo valdab's valuable advice. Get it done amybeee you know you can do it.

Morning. Valdab I did what u said and took a cool off period. Back to day 1 for me. I’m so peed off with myself for yesterday, I spent the entire day doing what I hate, give myself a migraine and feel sick today.

I’m going to buy a proper blocker today as then I can’t search for random sites that don’t have gamstop.

Thank u for your advice, I truly appreciate it. Take care. Amy xx

Hey Amy,

It's Day 1 for me too (again). I'm sorry to hear how much you are struggling, and although our circumstances are different I can see myself in you posts. Self hatred is a horrible thing, it's probably a big part of what drives us to gamble, trying to destroy ourselves.

But we have people who love us and have to keep trying until we succeed.

please have the strength to think about your kids in all this. it's one thing being a compulsive gambler but they don't deserve the heartache or instability. you need to fix this for good. it's their life your gambling.

Well thanks for the advice but I think it comes across a bit hurtful. My kids are stable and my number 1 priority.

f..... up again.

Back to zero. I’m so sick of my self on this rollercoaster I just can’t seem to get a grip of myself.

Just bought gamblock, I really do mean it that I want to stop.. why can’t I just do it????

Hey Amy,

It's really hard I know, I haven't been succesful myself. Maybe small progress but ultimately not enough to make me feel better.

Don't take this the wrong way, but do you honestly want to stop, or do you wat to stop losing and start feeling better? Because there is a big difference between the two.

I find myself addicted not to the games, not the chasing the money back, but the release from every day life. Perhaps you can try and find another way to do this.