Hi
I am 25 years old, and have had a serious gambling problem for around 5 years. My problem is purely online slots, which started off around 5 years ago with the odd £10 deposit. Over time, it has just spiralled out of control, where sometimes I have lost £2000-£3000 in a day!
In total I am in around £35,000 worth of debt, which is to multiple loans/credit cards/payday loans, and to my parents/other family members. I still live at home with my parents, who are aware of my problem, and are trying to help me through it. I have a girlfriend, who I have been with for nearly 6 years, but she doesnt know anything about my problem.
Deep down I know that she should know, but she wants to start a family and move in together, which I have been putting off for the last couple of years, as I know I really cant afford it, as more than half of my wages are going towards paying my debts, and will be for another 5 years. Just looking for some advice on whether to tell her or not? I am sure she is going to leave me if I do, and I dont know what I would do without her. I feel like i have already lost nearly everything, and she is all that I have got left.
I have started seeking professional help, and had my first session with a counsellor yesterday, and have given my parents full control over my wages to make sure all my bills get paid.
Thanks.
Hi nv and welcome to the forum :)).
I'm a CG and you'll find that the general consensus on here is alway's to come clean , I did it about 18 months ago when I came here with a Gambling problem that had spiraled out of all control , I must say it was the most difficult conversation I've ever had , I mean where do begin to start when you sit your loved ones down and tell them about the mess your in ? . It was also the biggest relief to have it all out in the open and a massive burden lifted from my shoulders , it also gave my gambling nowhere to hide which made it far easier for to give up as I was no longer accountable just to myself . That last bit doesn't apply quite as much to yourself as youv'e already opened up to your parents which is a great achievement already and the fact that youv'e also sought external help in the form of councilling is a huge step and testimant to how much your willing to do to fight tghis addiction :)).
We of course never know how things will turn out after coming clean and your parents as parents will usually want to support you just as your's have done and you have to accept that your girlfriend may not be willing to accept what has happened in quite the same way ?.
Ultimately this has to be your call but if your planning to move in together and start a family then you will have to ask yourself If you would be happy going forward with your future without her knowing and more importantly how would she feel if a year or 2 down the line she found out that you'd not been honest ? , If you go ahead with your plans with her then those debt's are going to be hard to conceal , especially when she wonders where some of your income is going every month due to repayment's every month .
I'm sure you'll have other replies on here and my guess is many will be from the other half's of Compulsive Gamblers who will tell you how they felt when they found out the hard way , rather than being told up front ?.
I know full well how you feel as do most of us on here who've had that same conversation , it's not an easy decision and as always it's your call but to fight gambling you will need as many people on your side for support as you can :)).
Whatever you choose to do I wish you well :))
I think you've answered your own question when you say deep down you know she should know.
She'll find out anyway. Telling her puts you in control of how that happens. Don't wait for a good time, there isn't one. Doing it now means you can show her what you're getting into place to stop you gambling and show her you mean business.
I told and lost and it hurt but I wouldn't change the decision I made. It was not fair on her for me to be living the double life.
The decision is yours but if the shoe was in the other foot and she was the gambler would you want her to keep it a secret from you.
I wish you well KTF
lies dont make any relationship healthy i have done it myself and lost everything allways tell the truth my Girlfreind now supports me through the highs and the lows. Which i am sure your girfreind would do the same. Delano
Hey Scott I can see where you're coming from as I've been experiencing the same "kind of problem at present " . Not to brag my wife and I have 45 thousand pounds in saving I just blew 3 grand a week ago our saving should have been between 47.5-48 grand but now I'm hiding the losses by getting some our money on our "other accounts " I hate lying to her but I did to avoid hurting her feelings . I don't gamble too often . I gambled twice last year and twice already this year !! Which alarmed me ! I lost 2 grand last year and this year 2 grand back in January and 3 grand this month . I finally accepted that I have a problem although I dont gamble everyday . Now I'm saying strong and not gonna gamble anymore ! This forum / website helped me a lot . Tomorrow at 7am would be my first week of gamble free !
Just sharing my experience to you and I'm not saying that I did the right thing but I hope you can relate . Good luck buddy ! Everyone's different and sometimes we just have to go with our gut instinct .
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