Hi all,
So almost 2 years ago I was 18 years old and went through a brief phase of online gambling. I loved online roulette - the high of winning big money in just seconds by choosing a colour or deciding whether a number would be even or odd etc. I lost approx £2,000 of hard earned money chasing losses. I vowed never to gamble again.
Yesterday I played two £5 scratchcards and lost on both. It didn't sit right with me that I had lost £10 so stupidly. I later spent a fair amount of money in the Boxing Day sales so had this big feeling of being 'down on money' so to say, if that makes sense. I did what I knew I shouldn't and went back onto an online roulette site. I was beginning to lose money and that drowning feeling of chasing my losses was kicking in. I was panicing and starting to deposit bigger amounts to try and recoup my loss, placing bigger deposits each time. Thankfully my losses only reached £100 and I was lucky enough to recoup my losses and in fact end with £105.
I know how stupid I was to go back on and I hate myself for doing it. I'm scared I might be tempted to go back on again, especially as I didn't end on a loss so there's kind of that 'winning' feeling. I don't want to do it again but I know I have an impulsive, addictive mind. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thanks!
Hi
Yes the triggers are interesting coupled with a feeling of being down on money shopping.
I think the key here is that the odds on scratchcards are not good so you naturally felt a bit silly risking that loss.
Gamblers ignore the odds but your mind was telling you that you will just win on roulette. This is because your mind gets its highs playing that and it kids you that the odds are there for you to win. Dont let recouping the losses reinforce any feelings because most times you would have walked away losing all your money.
I used to do the same on arcade fruit machines after a days shopping. I started rationalising that I would just win a bit which of course is a ridiculous thought fueled by addiction
Tell people and put some blockers on the internet. I have never gambled online. Its not my trigger but I see how deadly important it is to put up the barriers.
If you cant gamble online you wont. If you leave that door open you will be tempted to relapse. You have to consider that you will relapse if the gambling addiction is within you
Hello,
What exactly is the difference between the way that you describe your experience of gambling and the way that other CGs here describe theirs?
I can't see any. You've not gambled as much, maybe, but what you do when you are gambling seems to be the same as everyone else.
The one difference is that you can see the red flags at an earlier stage. The key question that will determine how your life goes is what are you going to do about it?
You could do nothing but there are multiple warnings by older CGs who only wish they had changed things in their youth.
For goodness sake, act now. You should keep your time money location triangle permanently broken. Self exclude permanently from all online sites, I recommend by snail mail. Quote your name, address, email addresses, date of birth and other identifying details, ask for permanent SE and tell them not to contact you again. Also contact GC and/or GA to get the help that you'll need. And use instant saver accounts rather than current accounts to make it harder to deposit. Keep minimal money on you.
Hope this helps, wish you well.
CW
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